Brave Babes Battle Bus: Next Stop Fabulous February

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

2018 has been a busy year so far, lots of new travellers as well as old faces; if you want to read back on the journey through Dry or Dryer January so far, here's the link to the last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread.

Join us on our journey, you won't regret it.

Evening all - sweet can I join you in the 'I have too much work' room please?

Didn't finish until 8pm last night and was up at 5.30am this morning because had to take the early train to client site. Caught train with 10 seconds to spare due to having to wait for tubes, which would have been a disaster.

Client event has gone really well but am so tired so am getting into bed right now - already in PJs and about to make tea and grab cat.

Night all. Day 28 draws to a close...

xxx

It's quiet on here tonight. I'm having a really difficult evening. I'm anxious and stressed and I've been crying over work. I want a drink and a smoke. I haven't got anything to smoke but I have got gin.

I'm so pissed off. I know drinking will make it worse and I'll cry more but I don't know what to do with myself. I can't sleep or go out and I don't want to phone anyone because they'll think I've got a screw loose. Considering this is 'improved' mental health lately tonight it still seems shit.

Ginger Come join us! I'm usually more positive and less selfish with my posting. I've just got one on me tonight. Bad news about the ulcer. Are you going to moderate for a bit or try dry? I was doing DJ but I've carried it on. I never thought I'd manage this long.

Need to go dry for a bit. It's been creeping up again. Although the way I feel means I don't much fancy it anyway!!! X

Evening,

Baking I don’t know your work situation not sure if you’ve posted about previously but I’m sorry to hear it’s making you feel so shit.

Hi ginger I’m going dry for a month I might even make it longer

I’m on evening two didn’t do anything I planned today as I’ve had a banging headache and no motivation.

Going to make a brew and watch a documentary in bed.

baking maybe some gentle self care is in order? not sure what your situation is but if you can have a bath and a nice cup of tea/something relaxing to help calm you down? i find podcasts good for that usually. plus they also put me to sleep!

baking I'm really sorry to hear about your day. Talk away if it will help?

Well done jayne on evening 2.

I haven't posted about work much previously. I'm feeling vile because I made a mistake. Not a massive one in the grand scheme of things, and it's been rectified within a day but I'm so cross with myself. I try really hard not to get things wrong. I mis-read something and booked an appointment when I shouldn't have. It sounds stupid written down.

The place I work now is really quick to jump on any errors and good at getting rid of people - that's why everyone's so paranoid. We're really short-staffed too. I suppose I should be grateful we're so short as at least it makes them less likely to sack me. Not that I really think what I've done is sackable. I've just got a big fear about losing my job/not being able to work. I didn't used to be like this. Before I had DS I didn't worry about unemployment.

I think the danger of drinking has passed for tonight. I'm so tired and we have to be up in the morning. I just don't want to go upstairs in the dark because I'll start stressing again.

Good for you for getting through baking sounds a really stressful environment to work in.

We will all make mistakes- we are human so for small errors not to be understood especially in someone who sounds like they care about doing a good job sounds really hard. Hope today goes ok x

Morning All,

Sorry I wasn't around last night, I fell asleep pretty much as soon as my backside hit the sofa. DH had to wake me up to go to bed at 8pm!

Ginger, welcome back, you have a lifetime ticket. Your news about the ulcer sucks.

Baking, that sort of working environment is toxic. How are you feeling this morning? Be kind to yourself.

Twattage I have a pathological fear of being late! I wish the workload was more evenly spread, and it doesn't help that when we are off, most of the work is just left waiting for when we get back.

Have a good day Babes, if the wine witch comes whispering, give her a kick in the saggy old tits.

Morning,

Day 3. Back in work.

Fell asleep about 11am after watching a bbc documentary about alcohol addiction then listening to the sober diaries.

Slept right through till 7am feeling quite fresh and positive today.

Sorry that should say 11pm

Jayne, sober sleep is one of the best things, and for the first couple of weeks, I sleep for GB!. Now, even one glass would disturb my sleep pattern. It's your body healing itself. Keep that positive feeling.

Tbh I think work is becoming increasingly toxic. It's very 'us&them' not a true team. It's always been a bit like that but lately it's worse. Most people in my sector respond with 'you work there?!' when I say where I am. I took this job when I relocated so I didn't know where to avoid. My last job (pre DS) I was in for nearly 10 years and I loved it. Really well managed. When I left the newest team member had been there 5 years! I haven't managed to find anything that compares since.

The manager I wanted to speak to isn't in until tomorrow. I can't decide if I should mention it to her again (and grovel a bit more) or just leave it alone and hope they forget. I just don't want anyone to think I'd do the same thing again intentionally when I really wouldn't. I wish I didn't care so much. When I set myself off like this the discontentment lasts days.

I didn't buy any cans this morning though which is good. Thanks for all the interest and support. I'm finding the bus a great help. I would never have managed 7 weeks without you lot.

Jayne As Sweet says sleep when sober is a massive improvement. The early days are the hardest. It's all about breaking the habit. Well done getting to day 3.

He just came back for his computer after no contact for 4 days and told me to fuck off and that he is having nothing more to do with me or either of his children. Apparently the kids are horrible and it is all my fault. Hoping I wiĺl fail to cope and lose my job no doubt. I have so much on at the moment. Has chosen the worst time to do this. Am using all my willpower to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Hope, just keep doing what you always do. Don't worry about the DC, they are better without his sort of negativity in their lives. You have always done it on your own, ever since I have been on the bus; the only impact of his absence will be that you are not looking after him, or spending energy wondering why he won't pull his weight. I know you want to be around, for your children, but they are old enough now to be doing things for themselves.

None of this is your fault, don't let his hitting out get to you.

Can't help it. He blames me and DS for everything and DD is upset/annoyed with us and being manipulated. The incident that triggered this was very bizarre but came from him and DS is furious still. I am caught in the middle and being blamed by WB. He is just such an angry person and can never see anyone else's side to anything. I feel very tired and can't eat

Hi all - I've been on this thread under seven names over the years.

I have to stop drinking.

I made a complaint idiot of myself last night - roaring drunk at a social event. Husband came to collect me just as I was attempting to snog a woman.

He is so cross with me.

I drink every night and something like last night's catastrophe happens about one a year. I end the night falling over in public or making a fool of myself in some way.

One time, I passed out in public and ended up taking half my clothes off whilst semi conscious.

I'm so frightened

*several names

Hope I don't know the full back story but if he's treating you badly (which it sounds like he is) then you should leave/throw him out (easier said than done). It's so much easier being alone than being in an unhappy relationship. How are you feeling this evening? Have you eaten anything?

Welcome back buttonz I haven't been on the bus long and it took a few months of drowning my sorrows after a shameful night out to join and get on a bit of a roll being AF. Try and take it one day at a time.

ok, buckle up. I'm driving this bus to hope's house. she needs us just now while she ousts that fucking twat from her life.

Oh the relief when it's finally over hope its like life begins again.
I have not one tiny regret, just a few for the wasted miserable years.

Did I hear a call to arms or was that just ma getting heavy handed with the horn?

Hang in there hope, every step is one step closer to freedom x

@buttonz you sound a bit like me!!!

Hope, things will get easier my Ex left last year even though it was what I wanted how he went about it was dreadful. But it just cemented my resolve and proved what a dick he was. The first few months after were a rollercoaster of emotions. Now he’s gone you can concentrate on yourself and DC.

Buttonz - sound like me too I cringe at some of my most embarrassing drunken moments.

Day four for me, loving the Clare Pooley book and it’s so relaxing on audible never used it before but love it. Also started reading Jason Vale.

Nipped in Tesco on my way home for tea and would have normally treated myself with a bottle of wine for surviving a shit day at work but resisted and bought some ginger beer. Cooked a lovely tea and sat down as a family to eat. I would have normally got through half a bottle before tea was finished and lost my appetite.

Did an hour of house work (just realising how I’ve let the house go) then had a shower and straight to bed.

Another amazing nights sleep. It’s friday and I’m off tomorrow and would normally have a drink then a hangover tomorrow quite excited about that not happening this weekend.

Excuse my excessive use of ‘would normally’ typing on my phone is not the best