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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can marriage counseling save it even when still having an affair?

84 replies

niteandfog · 19/01/2018 02:44

SYBXH really wants us to go to counseling. I said fine but I won't end my affair. However I think this is a total waste of time and money and I'm not even slightly committed? The only reason I can see it working is so he knows that we've definitely reached the end and there's no room for reconciliation.

OP posts:
Original poster
niteandfog · 20/01/2018 06:55

That'd what living your X does to you... Seriously much better to live under a bridge. Oh and btw my AP did leave her

OP posts:
katielove02 · 21/02/2018 00:10

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katielove02 · 21/02/2018 00:11

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lucylouuu · 21/02/2018 00:32

katielove02 reported

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 21/02/2018 01:16

@ShatnersWig 😂 Yes I remember her previous threads ! 😂

Op - so the person your having an affair with has left his wife yet you haven't had sex he him for 6 weeks , not saying that sex is everything but it's not looking positive it is @niteandfog

I hope your husband does divorce you , and fast!

Thisimmortalcurl · 21/02/2018 01:21

6 weeks, have you not seen him? I’m all about the Sex especially at the start of a relationship. You have previously been pretty firm that the relationship with your husband was absolutely over .

Original poster
niteandfog · 21/02/2018 07:32

Yes the relationship with my ex is over. Completely over. We get along really well even better now but I think that's because we both have come to the conclusion that it's effectively over. Now, my AP although now that he's separated we call each other bf/gf and I have spent most evenings/nights together since he moved out. And with that came and actual active and frequent sex live :)

OP posts:
FuckItPassMeTheWine · 21/02/2018 07:39

You just said (earlier in this thread) that you haven't had sex with AP for 6 weeks ? Hmm

I'm not investing anymore time on this thread , you're full of balony and need to get a life.

DancesWithOtters · 21/02/2018 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
niteandfog · 21/02/2018 07:58

Well maybe you haven't checked the dates... But yes before he actually moved our we hadn't had sex for six weeks. I don't see any contradiction there :/

OP posts:
Grimbles · 21/02/2018 08:02

And we'll I haven't had sex with my AP for 6 weeks now... So I don't know if I would call that actively "shagging" . Our relationship is based more in how many "I love yous" we tell each other than anything else.

You are so full of shit.

nellly · 21/02/2018 08:07

@niteandfog your posts really are very confusing, and if you are spending most nights out with your Ap/bf I wonder how your 7 year old is interpreting that?
Maybe a first step before counselling might be a visit to your gp or some individual counselling.

Relationship counselling can help you develop as co parents though in the future

Original poster
niteandfog · 21/02/2018 08:07

and that was 19th of January? More than a month ago... How is that a contradiction??

OP posts:
Original poster
niteandfog · 21/02/2018 08:15

My 7 year old hasn't seen him, and he tends to not stay overnight when I have her (it's a 50/50 custody arrangement).He only did once and that was because we both fell asleep. I go to counseling and so does my ex

OP posts:
HostaFireAndIce · 21/02/2018 11:21

Ap - lovely. So cosy

I would have thought it was rather a contradiction in terms Wink

DancesWithOtters · 21/02/2018 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Huntinginthedark · 21/02/2018 11:31

I think you should go, only if it's to let him be able to process the end.
He might not want to confront it.
strikes me that your DH feels there is hope because you're getting on well apart, this makes it easier for you obviously, but much harder for him. He sees it as hope, you see it as good co-parenting.

at least in counselling he might be able to see the wood for the trees.

PrimalLady · 21/02/2018 11:51

Just leave for fucks sake.

Its not even like I don't have any empathy for your situation but you're making excuses to torture him by staying and dragging it out.

I never cheated on my ex, however I was accused and it is the common belief round town that I left him for the guy I'm seeing now. I genuinely didn't. But I also didn't stay to drag it out.

The house is still in my name, rented, currently sat waiting for housing officer to come and change the tenancy over. I'm staying at a friend's while I save up as we have both come out with nothing.

Why can't you move out to a friends or rent?

hatefulgreatful · 21/02/2018 11:57

I knew you'd resurface again.
go and get yourself a job or hobby that doesn't involve shagging someone else's husband.
Get yourself more of a life, you're in lala land.
You are disgusting

hatefulgreatful · 21/02/2018 11:59

I genuinely believe OP is a person with a serious mental illness and needs help quick.
I think she makes things up and evidently doesn't have much of a life.
I think we should all stop commenting on her posts

WitchesHatRim · 21/02/2018 12:10

that he's separated we call each other bf/gf

You sound about 12 tbh.

Original poster
niteandfog · 21/02/2018 13:55

But I live on my own now? So does my now boyfriend as I don't like the word partner. And no, I don't make things up.

OP posts:
hatefulgreatful · 21/02/2018 14:17

please get some counselling.
your poor poor daughter

Original poster
niteandfog · 21/02/2018 14:18

I see two different ones... You honestly know nothing about me!

OP posts:
hatefulgreatful · 21/02/2018 14:18

oh sorry I've just read that you get counselling. in that case please change counsellors coz the one you got now ain't helping

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