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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Can marriage counseling save it even when still having an affair?

84 replies

niteandfog · 19/01/2018 02:44

SYBXH really wants us to go to counseling. I said fine but I won't end my affair. However I think this is a total waste of time and money and I'm not even slightly committed? The only reason I can see it working is so he knows that we've definitely reached the end and there's no room for reconciliation.

OP posts:

Report

SnowyUnicorns · 27/12/2019 14:42

ZOMBIE THREAD

ScreamingLadySutch · 27/12/2019 14:33

Oh, God, not you again.

There is something emotionally very wrong with you.

Go away.

AdrianJones · 27/12/2019 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

niteandfog · 21/02/2018 19:06

My mom never cheated on my dad nor technically did my grandma. All I said my grandma was the OW and my mom is the product of that relationship. If my daughter decided to go that way it's up to her, I don't think it's dignified but I can only listen and support her any way I can if she's ever in that situation. Also, for whoever asked about the counseling, that was suggested a month ago, a lot of things have changed since then.

OP posts:

hatefulgreatful · 21/02/2018 18:21

You mentioned in a previous post how your mother was a cheat and your grandmother and now you? Would you like your daughter to be the same?

hatefulgreatful · 21/02/2018 18:20

not because you don't agree with MNs but because you don't have any morals any boundaries or any idea of the real world.
I hope it all comes crashing down on you.
no matter how many threads you start and everyone is telling you not to shag someone else's husband you keep coming back asking questions abiut YOU. about how things can be made easier for YOU. how YOU have such a hard life, How YOU can't see someone else's husband enough, How YOU are worried the wife will find out, How YOU feel about being the talk of the town.
Read back through your own posts from last year and look at how you come across

TempusEejit · 21/02/2018 18:03

Why does your ex want to go to counselling if he can see you're much happier?

Sugarplumps · 21/02/2018 17:55

I was in your shoes for a year, finally getting a divorce, still with my AP but just casually. I'm not unhappy that we tried counselling but only because it makes me feel like less of a monster for wanting out. I read Too Good to Leave Too Bad To Stay and it really really helped. If you're sure I say just walk. I was sure, and now I'm free! Feel free to PM me if you want to chat about it.

niteandfog · 21/02/2018 17:27

Because I don't agree with what MNs says? I haven had absolutely no episodes since I moved out. My daughter says I'm much happier, ex says the same...and I lost my job in the meantime so I could have gone mental but I haven't...

OP posts:

hatefulgreatful · 21/02/2018 14:18

oh sorry I've just read that you get counselling. in that case please change counsellors coz the one you got now ain't helping

niteandfog · 21/02/2018 14:18

I see two different ones... You honestly know nothing about me!

OP posts:

hatefulgreatful · 21/02/2018 14:17

please get some counselling.
your poor poor daughter

niteandfog · 21/02/2018 13:55

But I live on my own now? So does my now boyfriend as I don't like the word partner. And no, I don't make things up.

OP posts:

WitchesHatRim · 21/02/2018 12:10

that he's separated we call each other bf/gf

You sound about 12 tbh.

hatefulgreatful · 21/02/2018 11:59

I genuinely believe OP is a person with a serious mental illness and needs help quick.
I think she makes things up and evidently doesn't have much of a life.
I think we should all stop commenting on her posts

hatefulgreatful · 21/02/2018 11:57

I knew you'd resurface again.
go and get yourself a job or hobby that doesn't involve shagging someone else's husband.
Get yourself more of a life, you're in lala land.
You are disgusting

PrimalLady · 21/02/2018 11:51

Just leave for fucks sake.

Its not even like I don't have any empathy for your situation but you're making excuses to torture him by staying and dragging it out.

I never cheated on my ex, however I was accused and it is the common belief round town that I left him for the guy I'm seeing now. I genuinely didn't. But I also didn't stay to drag it out.

The house is still in my name, rented, currently sat waiting for housing officer to come and change the tenancy over. I'm staying at a friend's while I save up as we have both come out with nothing.

Why can't you move out to a friends or rent?

Huntinginthedark · 21/02/2018 11:31

I think you should go, only if it's to let him be able to process the end.
He might not want to confront it.
strikes me that your DH feels there is hope because you're getting on well apart, this makes it easier for you obviously, but much harder for him. He sees it as hope, you see it as good co-parenting.

at least in counselling he might be able to see the wood for the trees.

DancesWithOtters · 21/02/2018 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HostaFireAndIce · 21/02/2018 11:21

Ap - lovely. So cosy

I would have thought it was rather a contradiction in terms

niteandfog · 21/02/2018 08:15

My 7 year old hasn't seen him, and he tends to not stay overnight when I have her (it's a 50/50 custody arrangement).He only did once and that was because we both fell asleep. I go to counseling and so does my ex

OP posts:

niteandfog · 21/02/2018 08:07

and that was 19th of January? More than a month ago... How is that a contradiction??

OP posts:

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nellly · 21/02/2018 08:07

@niteandfog your posts really are very confusing, and if you are spending most nights out with your Ap/bf I wonder how your 7 year old is interpreting that?
Maybe a first step before counselling might be a visit to your gp or some individual counselling.

Relationship counselling can help you develop as co parents though in the future

Grimbles · 21/02/2018 08:02

And we'll I haven't had sex with my AP for 6 weeks now... So I don't know if I would call that actively "shagging" . Our relationship is based more in how many "I love yous" we tell each other than anything else.

You are so full of shit.

niteandfog · 21/02/2018 07:58

Well maybe you haven't checked the dates... But yes before he actually moved our we hadn't had sex for six weeks. I don't see any contradiction there :/

OP posts:

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