Can marriage counseling save it even when still having an affair?

[niteandfog]

SYBXH really wants us to go to counseling. I said fine but I won't end my affair. However I think this is a total waste of time and money and I'm not even slightly committed? The only reason I can see it working is so he knows that we've definitely reached the end and there's no room for reconciliation.

I actually think in your circumstances it would be kinder not to have counselling in the long run. If it's over then end it properly so he can move on like you have.

Well I have... I moving out and we're pretty much just waiting for the last bit of the divorce paperwork.

What the fuck are you yapping about now ?

So much bullshit, so little time

Fuck sake how have you gone from him not knowing to waiting for the last bit of the divorce paperwork

You are actually so full of BS it's insane.

Not knowing what? We're definitely getting divorce... It's more a question of our future relationship that he's still hopeful about, and I'm obviously not!

nite we've read your previous threads, so stop trying to pull wool over our eyes

So why are you asking if counselling can save a marriage?

Op stop asking us pointless questions. I have read all of your posts since the summer and am aware that you have a lot of issues. Either your thoughts are getting increasingly disorganised (which is why your posts are contradictory) and you need to see your gp, or you’re doing it for attention which is just silly and liable to result in people getting angry with you. Either way, you’re not really looking for an answer to the question you’ve posted.

I believe RELATE advertise that they can council a couple to come to terms with the end of their relationship and move towards an amicable split. Maybe that's what he needs? You may have checked out a long time ago but it sounds like he's still very much involved

OP, I just feel like you’d get along really well with this person: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3143620-ways-to-get-revenge

You two should chat!

Haven't read your previous threads so perhaps this is irrelevant. I went to counseling with my exh even though I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt it was dead in the water. Frankly I was beyond pissed off that for two miserable years he'd refused counseling or even to acknowledge we had mutual issues (apparently I was the one with issues because he was happy...) and only showed up to the party when any shred of love I had for him had disappeared long ago. Then of course he refused to acknowledge I was leaving him because "we're married and I don't agree", so for me counseling gave me the opportunity to tell him to fuck off in front of someone who could explain to him that I bloody well meant it - after I'd walked out, of course.

you know what, just in case someone who is reading and wondering the same...

Relationship/Marriage counselling is indeed a good way to come to terms with the end of a relationship and maintaining a co-parenting relationship.

I hope to hell he has access to DD because she needs safeguarding right now!

You sound incredibly nasty. I hope your husband comes to realise what a lucky escape he has and has a really happy life. And I hope your daughter has some positive female role models in her life bless her.

It also seems quite quick from telling him mid November that you want a divorce to be just waiting for one piece of paper mid January?

We've done the money stuff which is on its way to court, as far as I know then dyer that is just another piece of paper?

is this even genuine?! it can't be. No one is this callous really. And yes, why is your OP about 'saving a marriage through counselling' when you're waiting for divorce papers to come through? What are you trying to save OP? Either your lying, or your totally unhinged, in which case, please seek medical help.

Well I mean marriage = lifetime relationship . I'm most definitely never getting married again but that doesn't mean i can't have a partner for life

sorry im confused OP - so you want your ex to be your partner for life - because you are wondering if the counselling can save this 'lifetime relationship?' Is that right?

Maybe? I mean I have my doubts every now and then. But I truly love my AP so tehre that. I think it's so easy to confuse eveyday life and memories with compatbility

Have you actuallly served the divorce papers on him? On your other thread you said you were waiting for two years separation.

Yes, I have... Because of money it had to be dealt asap.. so I think you probably misunderstood that bit

OP so you want your soon to be ex husband to be your partner for life but you also want your affair partner to be involved somehow? I feel as if I’ve stepped into a dream world. If I’m right - why would you want to have anything to do with your ex seeing as how you’re divorcing him??

Has your AP left his wife yet?

Omg ffs sort your life out. What a shower of shit that all sounds. Your poor husband and child.