Found husband's dirty messages to colleague

[peasepuddinghot]

What an absolute knob. Sorry this is an all too familiar tale of woe...

Messages on computer...blah blah blah...you make me feel alive...wouldn't turn you down...blah blah ... he's not even denied it just said he was drunk and it meant nothing. Prick. Got no one to talk to so offloading here.

My friend’s ex was like that.

He’s now in his 50’s and stuck in a ‘that’ll do’ relationship with four kids to four different women. All the kids are disappointed in him, his GF is needy and has low self esteem and his Peter Pan/lothario act is wearing so thin that he is running out of women and has been reduced to getting attention from gay men (even though he is straight).

Wow. You sound fabulous and he really isn't worthy of you.

I don't normal comment but I have to.

You come across as a seriously amazing woman. You are upset, but rationale. Strong, clear sighted, funny, brave. Go you sister. You'll feel bad for a while but you'll leave him trailing in your dust.

Thank you ladies for believing in me.

My family knows now.

Hopefully this won't out me but I'll let you know my plans. I have booked to go away to a European city in a week's time. One that I've been wanting to go to for ages. I'm going all by myself and have arranged everything myself and planned an itinerary. I figure if I can fly solo (literally) and manage a few days in a foreign land I can do ANYTHING. Including living without a fuckboi!

Told husband (? or however he is to be referred to now) that he is in charge of the children. Afterall, I have done the same for him of frequent trips abroad (spprts trips, stag do etc). I'm assuming I'm doing the equivalent of the mumsnet 'book yourself into a spa ;)' but the city break version!

I expect I'll feel a little nervous and sad (probably cry in the hotel shower) but I'm doing something for me for a change. And that can only help boost my self esteem.

I have a new best friend in Pink and Dua Lipa and he's not coming back.

Much love (because I AM worth it)

Xx

Ah you are bossing it!

When I left h I flew solo to the states to do a month long internship and hands down it was the best thing ever. Gave me all that you are hoping your trip will give you and more.

I didn’t cry BTW. I felt free and like a superhero but as I was working on really interesting and absorbing stuff I didn’t have much time. I was there for about 35 days and I had 3 days off without doing any work in that time.

Maybe book yourself into lots of trips and activities?

Glad to hear that Offred!

One of my planned activities is from my bucket list Offred.

My last session of CBT is the day before I fly so I want to go along with something positive to say instead of ruining my progress with tears about him.

Sounds excellent!

Well done you!

Well done, OP.
The city break will be amazing. Have a great time.
I, also, hope you hook up with a hot guy for an amazing night of passion (or some flattering attention that makes you feel really sexy, at the minimum.)
Go you!!!!

Haha I'd be happy to hear some chat in their sexy accent!

Pease, you really do come across just from a few posts as a smart, sassy, funny woman. You deserve way, waaaaaaayyy better than your soon to be ExDH, who sounds like a total wanksplat.
Hope you have an amazing time abroad and so what if you have a wee blub for a few minutes in the shower. It's fine. You can grieve the end of things, and have some wobbles, but still go on to enjoy the new life coming your way. Go get it.

OP, I've been off MN and just seen this.

I misread the situation and I'm embarrassed.

He sounds worse than an absolute knob.

No need to feel embarrassed Puerto you only had a few posts to go by.

Last night was hard. Our child is upset. He had talked to them (he said) but they'd not really grasped what it would really entail. When told his child was upset he said he'd fully explain today (what that you left us so you're free to shag about??)

I'm so bloody reasonable I must have splinters in my arse. So many times i've read on mumsnet that it's ok to end any relationship for any reason. Does this mean that what he's done is acceptable?

I spoke to my MIL last night and I told her every shitty thing he's done over the years. Is that a bitchy thing to do? After all she loves her son. Noone wants to hear shit like that. I also told her about his occasional use of weed. She's not happy about that. In fact she agreed what a complete and utter arse he is. Originally I'd just wantes to re-assure her that she'd still be able to have a relationship with her grandchild but but turned into a bitchfest. Not sure it was the most dignifed thing to do. But then nor is leaving a family cos you have itchy dick.

Also strong, independent women my arse. I'm still wearing my wedding and engagement ring (he's not) the thought of taking it off and putting it away makes me want to crumble into a ball and wail like a baby. I just want things to be how they were. I still love him (but obviously don't like him right now) but he's not the man i want him to be.

Also what do people do about their husband's surname? Keep it or revert to their maiden name? I know that a maiden name is just another man's name but i'd have the name name as the females in my family (mum, sis & sIl) and i feel a bit of solidarity of sisterhood at the moment. Or will it be a mindfuck for my child and a rejecetion of their father?

same name

Pease - lovely, it’s been a couple of days! Maybe it’s a little bit early on to be worrying about surnames and rings yet...

Don’t go by what he is doing in any case, he’s a spectacular arsehole so you probably don’t want to hold yourself to his standards!

You're probably right. Worry is my thing though. I'm been having therapy and uncertainty is what is fuelling my anxieties and mild OCD. I'll just have to try and do one thing at a time because the last thing I need now is anxiety to raise it's ugly head full blown

You are anxious about getting anxious?

Ah I have been there! It’s pretty crappy.

However, remember that worrying and anxiety are still normal responses in this situation, especially just a few days after finding out how awful he really is, when you’ve got DC who you will have to help with the fall out and a life together to unpick...

Well I'm off to Prague in a couple of weeks OP so if it collides I'd happily sit at a bar with you and chew the fat. You sound amazing.

Well that's the beauty of anxiety - anxious about getting anxious - the gift that keeps on giving.

I often have that awful feeling when I forgot what I was worrying about

Deep breaths.

I'm going to work today. Perhaps tell all my male colleagues how great they are and rate them all from 0 to 10. (Jokes)

Ah Shakey. Beautiful city. Have a lovely time! I expect I'll be rather dull for a good few weeks just going on and on about it...

You're doing really well 😀

It's early days so bound to be. A rollercoaster.

My son says taking zinc (normal over the counter stuff) helps his anxiety.