Found husband's dirty messages to colleague

[peasepuddinghot]

What an absolute knob. Sorry this is an all too familiar tale of woe...

Messages on computer...blah blah blah...you make me feel alive...wouldn't turn you down...blah blah ... he's not even denied it just said he was drunk and it meant nothing. Prick. Got no one to talk to so offloading here.

When confronted with you 'don't seem very sorry about it' he says I'll just use it as another stick to beat him with. Well I'm sorry for being terribly passive agressive about it but I think I'm fucking entitled to be angry about it and not let it go (tnis was 3 hours ago but already I'm 'going on about it'. Aparently i should be happy that she's now ignoring him at work but all he was doing was trying to make her feel better as she'd had a bad day at work. Hey gals there is nothing quite a like a married man who uses a picture of his own daughter as a profile picture creeping on ya! Now I'm a cunt for making him feel bad.

You know when a colleague sent me suggestive messages (unexpectedly and unwelcome) i told him and told him i'd block said colleague. Cos you know. Common decency.

He's now sleeping in the car aparently.

The first thing I’d do is kick the bastard out

Cold tonight to sleep in the car. A real shame.

Let him. Might give him time to reflect. Don't let him guilt you into feeling sorry for him.

Now I just wish that I could follow my own advice, lol.

This guy sounds like the gift that keeps on giving, but who wants bullshit for the rest of their life. I hope you're okay Pudding, give him the hard word, or indeed his marching orders ! 😡

Lock the door and let him stay out there.
Sorry you are going though it Pease he's a full weight knob head and he won't change, don't waste your best years and tears on him.
Cut him loose and be happy.

Pack his bags.

Ha he packed his own bag. Absolutely no need to sleep in the car in snow since we have family nearby, friends and of course colleagues. But perhaps he would be embarrassed at having to explain himself.

I'm going to wade in here and hope I don't get flamed. Hopefully if I say this, others will chime in with similar experiences.

Before I go on, none of what I am about to share should make you change your initial assessment of him as an absolute knob.

I am normal middle aged woman. Not particularly beautiful and I don't have men running after me.

I get these kind of texts and messages from married men on a surprisingly regular basis. The men could be coworkers or fairly close totally platonic friends or even blokes I went to school with who live on the other side of the country who I have not seen in decades.

I am certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are not interested in having an affair with me or really seeking anything at all besides a bit of entertainment and they feel entitled to my attention at any hour of the day or night because they are men and women are supposed to be flattered by every little scrap of notice.

When they are good friends, I might joke back for a short time. It makes me lose respect for them but it's not threatening and it happens often enough that I just think this is some knobbish thing some knobbish men do.

I do not agree with the idea that he would've tried to take things further if she'd responded. I do think he's a bit of a dick.

I have no idea what goes on in the confused and mixed up minds of men. I don't think they are always thinking much at all. They often women as just existing for their entertainment.

You yourself got at least one such message from another man. Did it really feel like he was trying to spark an affair? Or was he just being an entitled knob, actually, who felt entitled to your attention?

Speaking an a middle aged not so attractive woman myself Puerto I think it's common too. My particular colleague was quite sneaky in that I was getting normal chatty stuff with the (so fucking dull) shite like asking for details about my underwear. When confronted that this was not a n appropriate discussion for colleague the messages were suddenly sent 'whilst drunk' and then 'meant for someone else'. This was from a nice, quite man at work who wouldn't say boo to a goose. However he knew he lived 2 minutes away from me and I'm pretty sure would've been up for it if i'd suggested a lingerie show at his house.

I have also supported a colleage who rec'd some pretty outrageous sexual 'banter' VIA WORK EMAIL from a married man. Although it was found out by upper management he still works there.

It's all depressingly common. I thought my husband was different. Sadly he's just a joke of a trope.

This kind of thing would just make me disengage from the marriage tbh.

I would struggle to be fully committed to a man who has no boundaries like this.

Sadly he doesn't really sound invested in your marriage. Do you want to stay with him? Do you think he'll change?

I'm not getting this at all. Hes not invested in this marriage and it sounds to me you just want to teach him a lesson and carry on. but this is no sort of relationship!

I honestly don't think it's him not being invested in the marriage.

I think it's him not thinking of anything at all and never imaging what he was doing could be taken the wrong way.

The decision is whether to stay with a man who views women not as humans but just as people who ought to give him attention of any sort at any time; any woman who's convenient will do (I don't mean for sex I just mean for attention) is a different story. I might, I might not.

I see this as more like one of those bumps in the road that makes you question your common values in life rather than anything close to an infidelity.

So many threads recently about men who are completely disrespectful, it’s a common and depressing theme, don’t have any words of wisdom OP, had similar situation with an ex, the woman he was texting about how ‘hot’ she was sent him that revolting song Dontcha Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me, ugh, it still makes me feel sick to think about it and I lost every shred of trust in him and finished the relationship the same day I discovered the message, just don’t deserve that humiliation and honestly nor do you

We argued (obviously) and he's stayed away for the last two nights. He says it's over. That there's others he likes as it's not just her. I will be better without him (trust is gone, he often does things that disappoint me) but i will still miss him and it will hurt. There's two children and tenancy and 10 years to life to unravel

So sorry to hear that - you sound amazing though, OP.

And I have to agree it's not necessarily about infidelity but more about common values. I have known for quite some time that there are many values we don't share. For a start he's not shown me the respect that I deserve.

Sorry, op. He sounds utterly pathetic. I think you are better off without him.

Thank you teabay (and everyone else who has commented). Sadly i have been in this position before (as a single mother) I can do it again. Its just so shit i have to do it again. I work and can pay the bills we wont have much spare but i need to believe in myself.

I believe in you.

You don't have to be in that life when it's not respect, honest or loving.

You sound amazing op. I have so much respect for you.
Also, and I apologise for this and feel very conflicted about saying it, but it's comedy genius your ex telling ow she's an 8. That's straight out of cringe worthy scripts like The Office or Peep Show. What an idiot. I get that he was your idiot and you have a lot to go through now so I'm sorry if that seemed disrespectful. It isn't meant as such.

It's ok i think it's funny too. I am quite a funny woman, it's not a quality that men prioritise over youth and a firm body bit maybe I'll find a man who thinks i'm the best in the world (or maybe I will be content by myself!)

OP, you sound pretty smart to me, and that makes you very attractive, especially to a smart man. You'll be okay. In the long run, life will get better. However, Im sorry you're having to go through this.💐