I really want to leave my wife but I can't

[LMC84]

New poster here, please be gentle.

Where to start ? I want to leave my wife (I am a woman also) we have been together two years married 5 months.
I moved like an hour and half's drive from my family and friends (my hometown) to move in and be with her.
She didn't want to move to me. She had a better job.
I upped my kids and came here.
I left my council house give it up and we now privately rent.
She proposed and a year to the date we married. Romantic
It wasn't easy it saving up but we did it
We lived hand to mouth really so we didn't get in debt
It was the best day of my life I loved it.
Followed by a week away with our children.

My kids settled really well. Love the new school. Love my Dw family as do I.
They have a great life here with clubs and friends etc
It's me that's struggling.

I suffer with depression and bpd this can make things a little difficult at times.

My wife has a temper and she would raise her voice at me
Slowly it became more she would throw things smash things
She calls me names, a few times she pushed me about and on Tuesday night laid in bed she grabbed my face and like squeezed it together telling me she hated me when we had a row.
The following night she did the same thing in the kitchen but much harder if that makes sense she marked my face.

This row was because we were planning to move back to my hometown but the house fell through and I got really upset about it and it caused a row. In this row she stated she was planning on getting me to my home town n not actually coming with me just leaving me there( knowing fine well I'd get kick out of said house coz I can't afford the rent alone)
She also sent she was leaving me and another woman had wanted to take her out so she was basically saying she was leaving me for another woman right?

Anyways come the next day
She's not leaving me and she's sorry she so sorry
She's doing everything she can to please me

Oh she also screaming at one point to my kids how bad a mam I am etc
My kids love her to bits but I know they r scared of her

And if I'm honest when she's mad or angry so am I

I want to leave but here's my dilemma
I don't have anywhere to go
I can't rent a house as I don't work
I can't go back to council either I didn't pay outstanding balance
I can't move in with any family
I can't drive how would I get my stuff home
I don't have any money

So my question is
How can I make life my bearable?
Try not to argue n anger her obviously
But I feel so isolated too
Haven't seen her family seen August
N only time I can go out the house is if she takes me

Barring the two second walk to school

I shelter my kids from most but I know they see n hear it n it kills me but I don't know what to do

I haven't told anyone

I hope they were helpful OP!?
Keep trying Womens Aid.
They are usually less busy in the evening when DP's are home and people can't call!
They offer a fantastic service but are underfunded and overworked.
Keep trying.

Could you visit your mum, or other family member, with your kids? Maybe for a weekend?
It would give you space to think and you could discuss things with them.

You sound depressed and that's not going to improve with things the way they are.

This is absolutely classic abusive relationship.

• She tells you shes told everyone how awful you are (this is so you think everyone is on her side so you dont feel like you can tell anyone whats going on). She hasnt, of course, because they'd all be horrified by how shes treating you.

• She takes all the money, goes out, says she isnt coming back, come back a few hours later than usual. (this is so you have a few hours to get properly upset and worried about how you'll cope without her, so you are properly grateful when she actually does come back).

• She lays down new "stricter" rules (this is to make sure shes properly tightened her grip on you so you are more compliant and subservient in future)

This will never get better, it will ONLY get worse. There will always be something youve done "wrong" or ways that youve been "lazy", you'll never be back to the good times because that would mean sometimes she is wrong or needs to change, and she doesnt ever want that.

I mean that SS are aware some women (and men) are in abusive relationships .... where children are concerned ...their involvement hinges on one parent being a protector.

They know they can't force victims to leave...but if they see the children are being protected, it's a different matter.

All it takes is for one if your kids to crack under the stress and if they tell a teacher SS are likely to be involved.

This isn't to scare you. I'm speaking as a safeguarding school governor and I have a few social worker friends .... I work in local government.

Your children are helpless... I feel so sorry that they witnessed that outburst... poor little lambs.

OP - have you read the thread at the top of the Relationships section?
The one that starts right listen up
You have to leave.
Your children are scared.
Your wife will never change.
It's not your fault, and don't make this the story of your life.

They give me some numbers to call for local help
N a emergency number
Said I can call when I'm ready for help

He said that this behaviour is abuse

Thank u everyone x

Your kids will survive a few weeks of hassle iykwim if it was brought about by you taking a STAND. They will see their mum walking away from somebody who treated her badly. That will be a valuable thing to see that will 'counter' the abuse they saw earlier. the worst thing to do would be to stay put to avoid disrupting them as that is relatively minor in the bigger picture that is how this all affects them later in life.

So you see, yu were so convinced Your W wouldn’t come back and then she did. She wanted to frighten you and has managed that very well, so well that she has also imposed all her wants onto you. The time you get up and go to bed fgs up to the money and her doing whatever she wants (aka you will not ever have the right to say you don’t agree with anything she is doing).
She is playing with your MH, both using it at your advantage (you are nightmare to live with anyway, no one will ever be able to cope with you etc...) and knowing that if she drags you down just a,little bit more, tou will struggle more than most to stand up again.

It’s fantastic that you have talked to someone in RL and now have a number to ring for support.
Please don’t write WA out. They are there to help all people who suffer domestic abuse, not just those who are physically abused/beaten up. And you are not taking anything away form anyone because they’re there to support pople like YOU.

Good luck with it all! Yu can manage to get out of this awful situation. You are right, this is not a way to live.

Is there a reason why you don't work?

Instead of going back to bed and sleeping all day, why not get out for a good walk. I find some fresh air and a walk does wonders for the soul.

Well done though for takin the first steps to being free and happy

Is your bpd under control op? Are you having therapy for this condition? I suspect your lifestyle is affected by your mental health condition and while you are not addressing your bpd then your life will continue to be chaotic.