I really want to leave my wife but I can't

[LMC84]

New poster here, please be gentle.

Where to start ? I want to leave my wife (I am a woman also) we have been together two years married 5 months.
I moved like an hour and half's drive from my family and friends (my hometown) to move in and be with her.
She didn't want to move to me. She had a better job.
I upped my kids and came here.
I left my council house give it up and we now privately rent.
She proposed and a year to the date we married. Romantic
It wasn't easy it saving up but we did it
We lived hand to mouth really so we didn't get in debt
It was the best day of my life I loved it.
Followed by a week away with our children.

My kids settled really well. Love the new school. Love my Dw family as do I.
They have a great life here with clubs and friends etc
It's me that's struggling.

I suffer with depression and bpd this can make things a little difficult at times.

My wife has a temper and she would raise her voice at me
Slowly it became more she would throw things smash things
She calls me names, a few times she pushed me about and on Tuesday night laid in bed she grabbed my face and like squeezed it together telling me she hated me when we had a row.
The following night she did the same thing in the kitchen but much harder if that makes sense she marked my face.

This row was because we were planning to move back to my hometown but the house fell through and I got really upset about it and it caused a row. In this row she stated she was planning on getting me to my home town n not actually coming with me just leaving me there( knowing fine well I'd get kick out of said house coz I can't afford the rent alone)
She also sent she was leaving me and another woman had wanted to take her out so she was basically saying she was leaving me for another woman right?

Anyways come the next day
She's not leaving me and she's sorry she so sorry
She's doing everything she can to please me

Oh she also screaming at one point to my kids how bad a mam I am etc
My kids love her to bits but I know they r scared of her

And if I'm honest when she's mad or angry so am I

I want to leave but here's my dilemma
I don't have anywhere to go
I can't rent a house as I don't work
I can't go back to council either I didn't pay outstanding balance
I can't move in with any family
I can't drive how would I get my stuff home
I don't have any money

So my question is
How can I make life my bearable?
Try not to argue n anger her obviously
But I feel so isolated too
Haven't seen her family seen August
N only time I can go out the house is if she takes me

Barring the two second walk to school

I shelter my kids from most but I know they see n hear it n it kills me but I don't know what to do

I haven't told anyone

Sweetheart, please don't allow the relationship to continue on the condition that you keep your mouth shut/submit to her. It will make you so much more miserable and lonely, and it won't work in the long-term anyway.

I'm so sorry you are hurting, I wish I could give you a big hug. But after everything you've posted I can't help thinking that this relationship needs to end, so you can find yourself again and get your confidence back

I told her that I want to talk to my mam about this and she said
Go on then do it
Ya know what she will say "I'd of punched her too" coz your a nightmare to live with

Now she is telling me what I'm to do in order for us to move forward

She wants to be able to whatever she wants
Football drinking weed etc

Control the money

And I'm to get up at 6am and go to bed when she does

Confused 🤷‍♀️

One day you will look back on this and think what a lucky escape you had, because this woman is a controlling bully

I know it hurts now, but you can't live like that

Have you rung WA?

Tell them what she is saying. Please. If you dont believe us that she is abusive and wont change then maybe you will believe them.

Of course she wants to control the money. That way she controls who.

You havnt said what she thinks of your kids?

I'm sorry to be harsh but fucking protect your kids from this vile abusive woman !

It's bad enough let alone knowing what your children have to put up with and can't do anything about it

She is a nasty abuser, you and DC's are better off out of it.

I think she loves my kids

Purplepjs
I follow her already
I can't just randomly message her tho

She may love them, but she isn't doing right by them, is she? Her behaviour is causing immense misery in your family which is bound to affect the children. Loving someone isn't enough, you have to behave in a loving way, put that person first, show respect for their needs and demonstrate love. I don't think this woman, for whatever reasons, is capable of doing that for you or your children.

I feel so bad for you, you sound so hurt

Someone once said to me "Love isn't something you feel, it's something you do"

You deserve so much better.

I can't just randomly message her tho

Why not? Would she tell your wife?

I don't know the woman

Well now would be a good time to introduce yourself.

I think you need to realise that this isnt you, that there is nothing you have done to cause this and her ex may well be the person to help you with that.

Would it make a difference to hear that she was abusive to her ex too?

Why are you subjecting your children to this?!? Leave the women. Your children are frightened of her, is this not telling you anything?

WA don't answer they are very busy and I feel also I'm taking away the time of a call handler when someone who might be in grave danger needs it
And I'm not that

I don't think Thes anyone else I can talk to

Laid here in my bed thinking
N I'm really not strong enough to leave her
I know that means I'm been a shit mum
But I know I'm a shit mum anyways

This is my life
Wife leaves for work at 6.30am
Get children ready and sorted for school
Go back to bed sleep until my alarm wakes me up
Pick children up from school
Sort children out
Cook tea
Do some house work
Wife normally gets in from work at 6pm
Cook wife's tea
Watch a few soaps
Go to bed
Repeat Monday to Friday

Saturday Sunday
Play with kids housework
Sleep
Nothing

Repeat week

My life

I hate it I'm so depressed
But I can't do anything about it that I'm not already doing

Think of it this way though...You're children are scared, frightened,confused...they can't just up and walk out can they?

So if you can't find the strength to do it then do it for your children!

Please please get your children out of this situation. They don’t deserve this. You need to step up to the mark for their sakes. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for them. Go home to your mother and sort things out from there. Just pack up your stuff and go. And don’t ever let this woman back in your life.

Hun, you can just message her, absolutely you can. That is just exactly what many women have done; it’s what she is there for. Just message her for a chat...she won’t make you make any big decisions if you are not ready but will just be a knowledgable point of contact. You can do it. Xxxx

Please think of your children. Everyone here is saying the same thing to you... you aren't listening.

You are responsible for protecting your children. You are failing them right now.

There is no body looking out for your kids.

I'm sorry to be harsh...but this isn't just about you loving this abuser... you have children to consider.

How are they meant to function at school hearing all that?

Be prepared for social services to become involved..and if that happens...tell thev truth and don't protect her.

SS are aware of abusive relationships ... but if neither parent is protecting or safeguarding the children...that's when you're at risk of losing your children.

The abuser abuses and the victim isn't protecting. No child should be in the situation your children are. It's extremely damaging to them
..and they are suffering.

Sandyy2y
Ss are aware of abusive relationships?

How?

I phoned the LGBT domestic Abuse helpline
I couldn't get through to wa

That’s good OP. Were they helpful?