I really want to leave my wife but I can't

[LMC84]

New poster here, please be gentle.

Where to start ? I want to leave my wife (I am a woman also) we have been together two years married 5 months.
I moved like an hour and half's drive from my family and friends (my hometown) to move in and be with her.
She didn't want to move to me. She had a better job.
I upped my kids and came here.
I left my council house give it up and we now privately rent.
She proposed and a year to the date we married. Romantic
It wasn't easy it saving up but we did it
We lived hand to mouth really so we didn't get in debt
It was the best day of my life I loved it.
Followed by a week away with our children.

My kids settled really well. Love the new school. Love my Dw family as do I.
They have a great life here with clubs and friends etc
It's me that's struggling.

I suffer with depression and bpd this can make things a little difficult at times.

My wife has a temper and she would raise her voice at me
Slowly it became more she would throw things smash things
She calls me names, a few times she pushed me about and on Tuesday night laid in bed she grabbed my face and like squeezed it together telling me she hated me when we had a row.
The following night she did the same thing in the kitchen but much harder if that makes sense she marked my face.

This row was because we were planning to move back to my hometown but the house fell through and I got really upset about it and it caused a row. In this row she stated she was planning on getting me to my home town n not actually coming with me just leaving me there( knowing fine well I'd get kick out of said house coz I can't afford the rent alone)
She also sent she was leaving me and another woman had wanted to take her out so she was basically saying she was leaving me for another woman right?

Anyways come the next day
She's not leaving me and she's sorry she so sorry
She's doing everything she can to please me

Oh she also screaming at one point to my kids how bad a mam I am etc
My kids love her to bits but I know they r scared of her

And if I'm honest when she's mad or angry so am I

I want to leave but here's my dilemma
I don't have anywhere to go
I can't rent a house as I don't work
I can't go back to council either I didn't pay outstanding balance
I can't move in with any family
I can't drive how would I get my stuff home
I don't have any money

So my question is
How can I make life my bearable?
Try not to argue n anger her obviously
But I feel so isolated too
Haven't seen her family seen August
N only time I can go out the house is if she takes me

Barring the two second walk to school

I shelter my kids from most but I know they see n hear it n it kills me but I don't know what to do

I haven't told anyone

It’s nit you, it’s her.
She is abusive, emotionally and physically abusive.

You really need to contact WA, they will be able to guide you through it, the issue with the rent, getting a new home etc etc.

But please remember what you are saying. Your kids are hearing it all. They need to learn that this behaviour isn’t acceptable. They need to learn that someone is treating you like this, you leave. For you sake and your dcs sake. Because it’s never and never will be acceptable to feel frightened in your own home.

Just wait what she is doing.
I suspect she will come back, all sorry again tbh.

Dont contact her in the mean time.
But in the mean time, you need to decide what you can do when she comes back.

That is awful. You uprooted your children and gave up a secure place to live to end up being treated like crap.

I feel so unconsolable
Can't stop crying

Please don't judge but I begged her to come back she won't
She said she doesn't want to be that person anymore

I'm so upset I can't believe she isn't coming back I can't stop crying
My life just felt to pieces literally

Why am I so upset
I don't understand

I don't know what to do now
I'm shaking sat on the floor
Hyperventilating

I used to work for women’s aid, please call them, they will help. If you go in their website their is an option to hide it from your internet search.
Don’t worry about money, possessions and ‘stuff’. Take your children, birth certificates and passports etc and get out.
Most of all be safe and take care of yourself, you don’t deserve this.
X

LMC it will be OK.

I appreciate that you still somehow love her and can’t see a life wo her (even if only for very practical reasons).

It’s hard, very hard to leave an abusive partner. And for many people, it took them several goes to manage it.

But I can tell you too. It will be ok.

Sorry for terrible typos, am on my phone! Hope it makes sense x

And yes please contact Women Aid. They will be able to guide you and tell you what to do.

Your dw is likely to be back tomorrow morning.

She was never like this before apparently

All abusers say that.

She's never done this before

They all say his too.

You are in shock. You are bound to react physically, but it will pass. What you need to do is not let her in. I know you are thrown by this but for fucks sake, how many more of her unhinged rants do your poor children have to be exposed to before you get rid of her? No child should be offering his piggy bank money, that broke my heart.

Sorry to be harsh, but it has to be said.

I realise this is very difficult for you, but please please put your children first. This situation is really unhealthy for them. You must be strong for them and think about what this is doing to them.

I'm so scared embarrassed ashamed
What will people think
How will I ever get over this

Are you having treatment for your bpd? Are your kids okay? The relationship is toxic, you and more importantly your children are better out of it so who cares what anyone else thinks.

I'm going to ring wA now

Who gives a shit what people will think?

Its your life not theirs, so dont give anyone elses opinion another thought.

I was protected by woman's aid after I had to leave my abusive partner. They were fantastic! They sorted school for my children and arranged all the court stuff, spoke to the police on my behalf and when I was ready, they arranged for the local council to find us a new home. They even arranged psychological help for my youngest who saw a lot of things she shouldn't. I lived in the refuge for a whole year until I got myself back together.Met new friends and they arranged counselling for me too. Fantastic group of ladies, I owe them my life. They never judge, they just want to help.
It's difficult to leave, but it's the right thing to do for you all. Stay strong x

She's text to say she's coming home to talk
Maybe we can sort things out properly or good this time

If I just behave and keep my tongue under control don't snap back or anything
Then we could make this work

Love, your wife is not a kind, reasonable person. There is nothing you can do to make her into one. It's shit that you have to be the responsible one when the situation isn't your fault, but your children need you to protect them. Call WA, and get away as soon as you can. This is no way to live.

Ie as long as you do what she wants in other words.....

Thats no way to live your life. And what if one day she hurts one of you kids???

Do you think she loves them? Or just tolerates them?

We way you talk, this woman is a drug and you are a junkie and somehow you need to find the will power to think straight and see her for what she is. You have a choice in all this, your kids dont.

Were the kids born via ivf? Or do they have family who could help out?

Blowing hot and cold or "push-pull". It's an abusive tactic and one designed to destroy your self worth...as is stonewalling (the push or the cold) terribly abusive.

You deserve better

Search for ‘part time working mummy’ on Facebook and send her a message. She has helped many many people in situations just like yours and will be a source of advise and encouragement. Best of luck. X

Lastly, typical abuser modus operandi

Isolate the victim.

You’ve moved away from your family and friends, my guess is there is a reason you cant go back which is somevway related to her?

Lastly, typical abuser modus operandi

Isolate the victim.

You’ve moved away from your family and friends, my guess is there is a reason you cant go back which is somevway related to her?