How can you tell if you are a really crap unlikeable person ??

[scatterbrain]

Feeling very down at the moment - due to fallout with school-gate "friend" who has suddenly dumped me and organised a get together excluding me this week !

Has made me feel all sad and reflective - and leaves me wondering whether I am actually a deeply flawed person who people on the whole just don't like !!!

How can I tell though ??

I wasn't Miss Popular at school - but I had plenty of friends, lots of friends at uni too - I have three best girl friends all of whom date back between 22 and 32 yrs- who I remain very close to but don't see more that 5 times a year !

I have never been one to make friends easily, although I am an extrover I am also quite shy - and to be honest am not really into these transient friendships that seem to happen between "mums" !

I lost touch with all my antenatal friends after we moved area. Made one new friend - who I now count as one of my best friends at dd's first nursery and then at her school I fell in with this group of mums - our dd's play together so t seemed natural.

Well - all has been well - or so I thought - but one of them stopped speaking to me and giving me really hard looks at school last year, I have no idea why - but I decided to just steer a wide berth as our dd's no longer play together anyway. Well a couple of weeks ago another of the group sent me a really rude email - and then started blanking me ! Then I found out she had arranged a night out without me !

I'm not really that worried about being chucked out of the clique as such - I just wonder why ?

I am older than most of them (I am just 40 and they are mainly about 33) - I WOHM full time and they are mainly SAHMs with younger children - they all text each other a lot and do coffee and lunch etc - I know I don't really fit with them - but I just wonder why ?

It's really brought me down and I feel so low now - on the verge of tears all the time and it's affecting my work ! I feel so sick at school drop off and pick up - I am so totally non confrontational and would never be nasty to someone like that !

I know you won't have the answers - no one else in the group seems to know either - or at least are not letting on !

Sorry to whinge - thanks for reading if you have !

There is nothing that winds the princess types up more than others being popular and happy without their approval - keep your head high and be so so smiley with others when you know the other group are there - probably watching!- people will soon work out what the truth is xx

LL - I think if you start to make new friends, and they are worth their salt, they will make their own 'judgement' about you. If they have someone come up and say Not Very Nice Things about you, then I think they will make their own judgement about her, iykwim?

This woman has 'power' over you simply because you think she does. Ignore her, cut her out of your life as much as possible, and dont give her the credence, time of day, satisfaction, or credit for having so much control of your life as she seems to right now.

Thank you all - I know it's true - I already feel that people steer clear of her as they know she is really two-faced, but it is just hard. I thought this was all done with - and it's all kicked off again - so ridiculous.

Oh, and you dont have to be friends with other mums at your littluns school. It helps to be able to 'get on' with them, for playdates sake. But thats all.

VVVQ - that is so right - you are spot on ! I will try and see it that way from now on. I will resolve not to discuss it any more !

Thats the spirit

By all means come on here and bitch to your hearts content though - thats what we are here for

Finding a good friend often happens when you least expect it I think.

The best friends I've ever made have been made through MN - at 30 years of age fgs! I dont do the school-gates thing very well, but I am content enough with the circle of friends I have, and dont feel that I need them. But, if we can have a natter and pass the time of day whilst there then thats great. If not, then, what the hey.

Need the school-gate mums that is....

God,l I HATE sodding school gates and cannot WAIt for summer holidays!

Why is it so awful?

poor you, Scatterbrain - you should consider it a lucky escape!!