How can you tell if you are a really crap unlikeable person ??

[scatterbrain]

Feeling very down at the moment - due to fallout with school-gate "friend" who has suddenly dumped me and organised a get together excluding me this week !

Has made me feel all sad and reflective - and leaves me wondering whether I am actually a deeply flawed person who people on the whole just don't like !!!

How can I tell though ??

I wasn't Miss Popular at school - but I had plenty of friends, lots of friends at uni too - I have three best girl friends all of whom date back between 22 and 32 yrs- who I remain very close to but don't see more that 5 times a year !

I have never been one to make friends easily, although I am an extrover I am also quite shy - and to be honest am not really into these transient friendships that seem to happen between "mums" !

I lost touch with all my antenatal friends after we moved area. Made one new friend - who I now count as one of my best friends at dd's first nursery and then at her school I fell in with this group of mums - our dd's play together so t seemed natural.

Well - all has been well - or so I thought - but one of them stopped speaking to me and giving me really hard looks at school last year, I have no idea why - but I decided to just steer a wide berth as our dd's no longer play together anyway. Well a couple of weeks ago another of the group sent me a really rude email - and then started blanking me ! Then I found out she had arranged a night out without me !

I'm not really that worried about being chucked out of the clique as such - I just wonder why ?

I am older than most of them (I am just 40 and they are mainly about 33) - I WOHM full time and they are mainly SAHMs with younger children - they all text each other a lot and do coffee and lunch etc - I know I don't really fit with them - but I just wonder why ?

It's really brought me down and I feel so low now - on the verge of tears all the time and it's affecting my work ! I feel so sick at school drop off and pick up - I am so totally non confrontational and would never be nasty to someone like that !

I know you won't have the answers - no one else in the group seems to know either - or at least are not letting on !

Sorry to whinge - thanks for reading if you have !

scatter, will you be my buddy?

will you e-mail me and gossip?

Sure !! Although I suspect you will soon be bored as I apparently don't put enough into friendships !!!

Me either, lets be rubbish together.

This means i wont e-mail you back immediatley. I say i will be on MSN - then forget.

in fact just consider me a huge fuckwitfriend.

yes indeed - new term " the fuckwitfriend"

be my fuckwitfriend and i shall be yours

OK - that's a deal !

your friend sounds decidedly wierd and very manipulative, whereas you sound lovely, loyal and normal! So she's the one who should be asking herself if she's a crap unlikeable person not you!! A similar thing has been happening to me over the last year with one particulat "friend" who like yours demands to be the centre of any group and is very high maintenance - after making me miserable for a year I just woke up one day and thought "how dare she treat me like that". You need to take a step back, count all your real friends and maybe try and see them a bit moe instead. Cyber hugs and good luck!

Thanks !!

You don't think that any of them Mumsnet do you?
Have you ever posted anything before these threads?

Me ?

I've posted loads - have been here since THE BEGINNING !!! So am not a newbie if that's what you're asking.

None of them Mumsnets - I wouldn't be that stupid !

Come back little lemon - I am intrigued as to what you meant ?

Message withdrawn

Oh No - none of them mumsnets - too busy "doing lunch" and other exciting things !

I've only posted about them on these two threads anyway - have never bitched about them before iykwim !

Plus (she adds feeling defensive !!) I have only stated the facts here for others to judge whether what I thought was correct !

Message withdrawn

Hmmmm - but others have said that doing that would add fuel to her little imaginary fire ! It was my first instinct to do that - but others on here said not to - it was best to ignore the bullying behaviour !

Anyway - it has all gone past the point of redemption now ! The email could have been forgotten with an apology - but the arranging of a night out and deliberatiely excluding me was beyond the pale sadly !

Message withdrawn

Also - I have been advised not to think "have I upset her ?" and to think "she has upset me - I am cross with her for that !"

It's not my natural stance - but it is good, very empowering !!

I`ve just moved to Scotland (Alloa to be exact). The school gate Mums haven't been unkind to me they just haven't really noticed me. It is hard to just wander up to people when they stand in obvious groups isn't it. In order not to go mad (with lonleness and feeling of not being a nice person) I came on here. I have met 3 people through M.Nett. I walked the dog with 2 today and I met 1 for coffee last week. Both of my sons are at school and I wondered if a MN meetup would work or if I'd feel odd being the only one with out a child. It was nice though. If you could do this it may help you to see that even if the group doesn't want to know you you are still worth talking to in someones opinion.

I also wanted to ask where you live. There could be an army of Mnetters waiting to be your friend.

Thanks figleaf - I am down South - there are a few mners round here but all have babies I believe - and also I WOHM so not really around much for socialising tbh !

I am not short of friends - I am just p'ed off at being chucked out of this little clique at school ! There are planty of other munms who talk to me - I just don't know any of them that well - YET !!

OMG - I've had this experience at my DD's school. There is a clique of SAHM's who have been very badly behaved toward my DD's in my opinion.

The school has a kiss and drop area where you do exactly that in the mornings. I used to drop my 2 there and then drive on in to work. One of my DD's friends used to take 1 of the DD's to her mother and say things like "she's done it again mummy" "she's left her on her own" and the mother would tut tut. Led my DD to believe I wasn't looking after her properly. I asked the school if I was doing anything wrong by using the kiss and drop and they assured me that I wasn't. That is exactly what it is for and if my DD's were happy to be dropped there in the mornings then that was fine. DD's actually liked it. They are extremely shy, but somehow this made them feel good about themselves.

Stupid women who have got nothing better to do than pick holes in the way other mothers bring up their children are not the kind of people I want to be friends with anyway.

I can't stand people who appear to believe that they are better than me. I don't bother with any of them. Kids are older now and I don't even go in the school gates anymore.

I have a theory about cliques. They are usually a bunch of self-conscious inadequate people who are TERRIFIED of being left on the sidelines.
They usually have no self-confidence and they are like leaches sucking up the distress (or so they like to think) of people who are not "in the gang".
I've never hung around people like that as they are usually quite boring self obsessed and drama queens.
I'm usually making friends with the other mums that the clique people don't even acknowledge, i've always done that even at school and they make much better friends!
Life is too short to be an air-head.
AB

these people are reverts! rhymes with perverts !
they have regressed back to secondary school mentality because its the last time they felt worthy and powerful. How on earth can anyone above the age of six ask anyone else to call them princess ? without expecting months of ridicule ,unbelievable. Im sorry that your sad about it but please remember that these people are beyond sad and pathetic ,they have entered the special sparkly glitterly world of unfuckingbelievable!!!!!!