How can you tell if you are a really crap unlikeable person ??

[scatterbrain]

Feeling very down at the moment - due to fallout with school-gate "friend" who has suddenly dumped me and organised a get together excluding me this week !

Has made me feel all sad and reflective - and leaves me wondering whether I am actually a deeply flawed person who people on the whole just don't like !!!

How can I tell though ??

I wasn't Miss Popular at school - but I had plenty of friends, lots of friends at uni too - I have three best girl friends all of whom date back between 22 and 32 yrs- who I remain very close to but don't see more that 5 times a year !

I have never been one to make friends easily, although I am an extrover I am also quite shy - and to be honest am not really into these transient friendships that seem to happen between "mums" !

I lost touch with all my antenatal friends after we moved area. Made one new friend - who I now count as one of my best friends at dd's first nursery and then at her school I fell in with this group of mums - our dd's play together so t seemed natural.

Well - all has been well - or so I thought - but one of them stopped speaking to me and giving me really hard looks at school last year, I have no idea why - but I decided to just steer a wide berth as our dd's no longer play together anyway. Well a couple of weeks ago another of the group sent me a really rude email - and then started blanking me ! Then I found out she had arranged a night out without me !

I'm not really that worried about being chucked out of the clique as such - I just wonder why ?

I am older than most of them (I am just 40 and they are mainly about 33) - I WOHM full time and they are mainly SAHMs with younger children - they all text each other a lot and do coffee and lunch etc - I know I don't really fit with them - but I just wonder why ?

It's really brought me down and I feel so low now - on the verge of tears all the time and it's affecting my work ! I feel so sick at school drop off and pick up - I am so totally non confrontational and would never be nasty to someone like that !

I know you won't have the answers - no one else in the group seems to know either - or at least are not letting on !

Sorry to whinge - thanks for reading if you have !

Yep - she is an airhead bimbo !! She is shallow and selfish and self-obsessed !!!

Sorry - do I sound like a 10 yr old bitch ?

No, not at all. You sound like someone with a brain. I am quietly fuming at my computer at her pathetic-ness. If she's mean again just tell her to fu*k off.

Actually - I am not sure what to make of this - but one of the others in my group has suggested that she doesn't like me because I am rather fat !!!

She is a tiny petite person - very into her looks etc - whereas I am size 16 - I love clothes - but not obsessively - and yes I have been known to wear no make-up to school and I am not that worried about dieting !

From reading all of this, you are soo better off out of this coven, Scatter.

You sound a mature and likeable person, whilst this group sound like bored teenagers (altho I have to say I never acted like this in my youth!).

Move on, maintain your dignity and thanks your lucky stars that you are out of this hotbed of bitchiness. That will wind up "Princess Bitch from Hell" (I am mature, honest ) far more than rising to her pettiness.

Coven !!! I like it - you are so so right !!! Thank you !

They sound like they have never moved on from the "Queen Bee and Wannabees" days. Good book that re female friendships (Queen Bees and Wannabees).

You are better off well out of it, you do not need "vampire" friends bringing you down.

"The more I read these threads the more I become convinced that around the edges of every playground are some really nice people who arent members of the clique and feel just as left out, perhaps you should try talking to some of them. "

Yes, yes, yes. It takes longer to track them down and make friends with them, particularly if they are WOHM as they are rarely there, but worth it.

Whoops! I didn't mean to say that I am one of those nice people at the edge of the playground, just that I have tracked them down in our own playground.

Yes you're right - I was talking to a couple at a kids party the other day - we were saying how we never got to chat except at parties !

I should give them a call and try to arrange something - it's just a bit strange as they all have boys and my dd isn't that interested in playing with them at the moment ! All the girls mums seem to be SAHMs ! Except a new girl - her mum's an anaesthetist !!

I need to find the time to do this ! I do !!

Anyuone got any good ideas about ice-breaking ?

Very interesting...I have also notced the nicest mums tend to be on the outskirts of the playground, while the attention-seekers and Queen Bees are in the middle!

Oooh Attila - have just ordered that Queen Bees book - had never heard of it before !! It looks fab !

Thanks for telling me about it !

How to meet up? Tricky, to begin with I think that you have to seek them out at school pick-ups and events. I've actually invited other WOHMs out for coffee in the City/Canary Wharf which was great.

So - how am I going to get to be friends with the nice mums !!

DH is going to be away for 3 weeks shortly - so I could have a "girls night in" I suppose - but are people wary of being invited to something like that when they don't know you well ?

Or am I better off trying to organise a rival night out ? I don't want it to look like point scoring though !!!

What do you think - better to try the one-to-one approach or do a small group ?

Sorry Issymum - cross posted there !!

We all work in different places - so unfort that wouldn't work for us ! Fab idea though !

I think I might join the PTA - I wanted to last year but all the "queen bees" bitch about the PTA !

I wouldn't go for a girls' night in. I would 'pick them off' in ones and twos. Perhaps use the excuse of your DH being away to invite a couple of them over for pasta and wine after getting the kids to bed.

Oh I don't know I'm feeling all "once bitten twice shy" now !! Frying pans and fires and all that !!

Think I might just seek solace in my own company for a while and lick my wounds - then try again with some different mums !! PTA might be a gentle start too !

Some really good advice here scatterbrain, I might use it too!

Don't overlook the mums in the corners or standing on their own at the back of the playground, even if they look self-confident, that was me today (and most days) and I would have given anything to have a chat with another mum, the most I manage is a hi or hello and a smile, but I'm painfully shy and initiating conversation...

Sorry Scatterbrain, I meant pick off different mums one or two at a time. I simply wouldn't bother with the Princess Wotsit Clique.

Oh yes - have given up on the precious ones ! Will start again with NEW ones ! Just feeling a bit tender and not sure if I can handle rejection if they don't want to play with me !

Also - certainly know about pretending to look confident - I have been doing the big smiley striding about thing ever since this kicked off although inside I am cringing !

My sympathies. Have known a few ghastly hysterical twats like this woman in the past: they invariably end up alone because they are just too much of a PITA.
I'm sure you're a great person with plenty of other mates: you don't actually need to be friends with this silly crew.
At one of the M&T groups I go to, most of the other mums don't much like me (but all the kids play happily together) so I keep going just to annoy 'em - and now there are one or two new people iwho go along that I do get on quite well with, so there you go.

I just wouldn't have the balls to do that - I am a bit sensitive really and the first whiff of someone actively disliking me and I take myself out of the situation !!

Not sure if I said - we are actually invited to a party at Princess's house in a few weeks time - If I had the balls (which I don't) I would LOVE to turn up on the night as though nothing had happened !!!

Message withdrawn

crap unlikable people call everyone 'friends'

Friends is a special term IMO, and should be used sparingly and only to associate with people who help out in times of crisis.