Married for 8 years. Two dc’s. Dh started his own business last year and is totally consumed by it. He’s never around to help. If he is around his mind is elsewhere and he’s stressed. A client of mine knocked on the door the other day while he was working from home and he screamed ‘oh for gods sake’! It’s like he’s losing it.
I’m left to do all the home/child stuff but with no car or money.
This business makes next to nothing. He pays the bills and for food but expects me to contribute much more than I can afford to as I only work a few hours a week. He works from 9-9 most days and we live in the middle of nowhere so how can I work around that?
My inheritance ended up going on food and basic living costs while he saved for a better car. He pays into savings every month (£200) yet when I say we need money for food he gets stressed and says use up what we have already. We do have a joint account but there’s never any money in it. He expects us to get by on working tax credits which is about £90 a week.
Dd’s birthday was recent and he bought one present. It got nearer and nearer the time and in the end I thought I’m going to have to do something here and ordered more on my credit card.
I also found on his laptop that he’d been looking elsewhere for sex. We went to counselling and it came out that he didn’t find me attractive anymore and found when we did have sex it was boring. I made a massive effort since then with my appearance and made sure we had sex more often but then I noticed something. He was never coming on to me. I left it a while and he hasn’t made the effort since. I think it was a rubbish excuse he used in counselling. He was just acting selfishly and the simple answer is he’s just too lazy and selfish for a real life relationship. He wants a glamorous girl on his arm to prove his status. A girl who will ask nothing from him.
I just don’t know what to do next. I find it so hard to talk to him. He usually has lots of quick comebacks and defends his point so well that I’m left feeling like I was silly for feeling this way. Is this gaslighting?
If I left I would have to go on benefits and definitely move away as there’s nothing here. I’d have to lose the few business contacts I have for my work. I have money to rent elsewhere but I don’t know how I’d get by apart from that. I’ve been pushing this aside for so long thinking ‘just get on with it, you’ve got a lovely home and family’ but this creeps back and today after weeks of being ill and stress it’s all surfacing.