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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Condoms in his jacket

92 replies

liveoutloud · 07/01/2018 19:54

I just found a couple of condoms in my husband's knapsack and one in his jacket. Shall I be alarmed? Please advise. Have no experience with this kind of stuff.

OP posts:
trevthecat · 07/01/2018 19:57

Do you use condoms or have you in the past and he's just forgotten about them?

rhardwick945 · 07/01/2018 19:59

Oh.. think logically. Is there any possibility of a reasonable explanation. Have you been away together recently and they're just still there?

Otherwise I think it's time to hold your nerve and do a little bit of detective work before you say anything. Just in case. I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation but protect yourself too.

DotCottonDotCom · 07/01/2018 20:00

I always find the whole "keeping a condom in a jacket" thing fishy - it sounds like the guys on the pull.

I assume you dont use condoms liveoutloud?

Original poster
liveoutloud · 07/01/2018 20:01

Yes, we just recently started using condoms as I had to got rid of my IUD. But he has a box of condoms for us that he keeps in the wardrobe. I do not see why he would have them in his bag and jacket? Some people say that men sometimes use them to masturbate. Is this true? OMG

OP posts:
LyraPotter · 07/01/2018 20:01

I wouldn't worry right away as there could be lots of reasonable explanations. Do you use condoms yourselves? Could he have been given them? (I live in a university town so they're quite often handed out in areas near campus for instance).

I would ask him about it. There is probably a reasonable explanation - and you'll be able to tell a lot by his reaction in any case.

Hope it all works out for you x

MrsNacho · 07/01/2018 20:03

As previous posters said it depends if you use them together or not.

If not look at the expiration date and see how old they are?

Figrollsnotfatrolls · 07/01/2018 20:05

Incase of accident?
His penis may accidentally fall into someone?

Original poster
liveoutloud · 07/01/2018 20:06

Our marriage has been rocky lately, that is the thing. We have been arguing a lot. I thought being together over 20 years we just kind of got tired of dealing with same stuff over and over. But now that I think of it maybe he had found someone and I kind of felt it without knowing...

OP posts:
CremeFresh · 07/01/2018 20:08

I would question why he would need them in any other place other than your bedroom . Why would he need to carry them about ?

Original poster
liveoutloud · 07/01/2018 20:12

I am kind of hesitant to start this conversation. He has this tendency to to turn the blame to me. eg what business did I have going through his things. And it is true, I felt suspicious and i snooped around his stuff. I am not proud of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
liveoutloud · 07/01/2018 20:16

My husband was very loving and carrying, he was amazing father when kids were young. But at this point he seems to be focused on himself, exercising, riding his bike, his own needs and feelings... Kids and I seem to be getting on his nerves a lot. I though it's just middle age crises, which it probably is, but it also often brings infidelity. I know.

OP posts:
DotCottonDotCom · 07/01/2018 20:18

If you felt suspicious, then you've been given a reason.

Regardless of your reasons however, don't allow that to be thrown back at you

ButtPlugInMyHalloweenHaul · 07/01/2018 20:19

You need to engineer it so you knock over his knapsack and a condom 'drops out' OP. He's at it for sure. Sorry.

Bant · 07/01/2018 20:34

if you felt suspicious then you've probably been given a reason

Bollocks. My ex thought I was sleeping with a prostitute when I was away on business, because I said in an offhand way that a pimp had come up to me in the street and offered me the use of one his women for an hour. I'd never so much as looked at another woman, or ever paid for sex, yet my ex thought I was somehow admitting to both.

In this case, the fact they use condoms regularly lessens the likelihood that there is an OW, but - where does the husband take the napsack? And his jacket?

He'll minimise and deny and act the aggrieved innocent if he's actually guilty, but he could also be innocent here

Timefortea99 · 07/01/2018 20:39

Odd that he is carrying them around with him. He may not have another woman but my first thoughts were he is trying to pull. Coupled together with your suspicions and him being self focused makes me think he is on the hunt. Sorry.

Steakandchips3 · 07/01/2018 21:05

Sorry but it sounds very suspicious to me

fantasmasgoria1 · 07/01/2018 21:05

I would be concerned that he is carrying condoms around with him. Why would he need them if you have some in your wardrobe?

SandyY2K · 07/01/2018 21:09

Don't ask him. Just wait and see if one disappears.

Cheaters lie. If he's cheating...He'll make up an excuse.

BackInTheRoom · 07/01/2018 21:10

@liveoutloud

Check his phone. There's a cheat/hack to bypass the fingerprint thingy! Go google it. Once you're in, look for Facebook messenger and Whatsapp apps. Cheats love those. Hmm. Screen shot everything. So sorry you're dealing with this OP 💐

rhardwick945 · 07/01/2018 21:10

Agree with Timefortea99 here. The self involved behaviour does seem to indicate someone who could be considering going on the pull. Agree. He could be innocent but just trying to get a little into his mindset here.

BackInTheRoom · 07/01/2018 21:18

A word of advice OP. You'll want to still believe you know him better than anyone else, that he would be honest with you and you'll be able to get the truth. IF he's cheating this ain't going to happen. It took me a while to understand this concept because the idea of my DH lying to me was so alien?

I hope in your case that this is all innocent and it amounts to nothing op 💐

Original poster
liveoutloud · 07/01/2018 21:28

Oh guys thank you so much for all your posts. I am not the jealous type and I thought if something seems to be fishy to me it most probably is. @Bant he takes his knapsack to work. He works random hours there is no way I can keep track whether or not he is really going to work or elsewhere. @Bibbidee e spends a lot of time on his phone and computer but everything is locked. Of course looking through computer and phone would give me all the answers but I do not see how I can get on. Perhaps I should wait and see. @SandyY2K you are probably right, just wait an see if one or all are gone should tell me enough. But could it really be true, do married man carry condoms around for no reason? Idk. I wish he were honest with me.

OP posts:
ladamanera · 07/01/2018 21:39

Are there the same number of condoms in the packet as should be in the box? Are they the same ones you are using? Did his going to the gym coincide with his grumpiness? Does he do a lot of work trips/Do you? Does he work late/ go to football where he used not to, etc? Affairs need time to be enacted.

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 07/01/2018 21:44

Op, do YOU carry condoms around in your jacket or handbag??

Original poster
liveoutloud · 07/01/2018 21:48

@ladamanera like I said he works different hours and if he is cheating this would be the chance. He did start running more often but he is back within an hour, so unless it is one of the neighbors I do not think he can do it at those times. He acts like he is a young man not middle aged like his is, lately, but like I said I though it is part of a middle age crises syndrome, men acting reenacting their youth.

OP posts:
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