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Original poster

Condoms in his jacket

92 replies

liveoutloud · 07/01/2018 19:54

I just found a couple of condoms in my husband's knapsack and one in his jacket. Shall I be alarmed? Please advise. Have no experience with this kind of stuff.

OP posts:
Onecutefox · 07/01/2018 21:50

Sorry Op but your DH's behaviour is a bit suspicious. Listen to your guts. If your Dh turns the blame against you (mine as well even though he is the one who is wrong ; I just don't remember how is it called but it's an abusive tactic) then the best thing would be to wait and snoop and collect evidence. Keep a diary to see if there's a pattern.

Original poster
liveoutloud · 07/01/2018 21:50

@Ruddygreattiger2016 of course not! But men are weird sometimes, aren't they?(with all due respect to all the guys out there)

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 07/01/2018 21:51

I never understand why people are quick to say there could be a reasonable explanation.

I'm nearly 50 with over 30 sexually active years behind me.

I have never known anyone accidentally carry condoms in both their work bag and jacket pocket.

Bant · 07/01/2018 21:52

ruddy - that's not particularly relevant. It's generally incumbent upon the man to have condoms, as he's he one who will wear them.

It does sound suspicious - but were the condoms an opened packet of three with two left, or single packets, or a box of a dozen with five left.

Also, what type? Extra safe or ribbed or flavoured

(Sorry)

Onecutefox · 07/01/2018 21:52

He probably runs to keep fit and look good. Usually it starts with going to the gym and trying to look better like hair styles, creams, new clothes.

Original poster
liveoutloud · 07/01/2018 21:54

What is a bit confusing for me is that people say that men if they are cheating loose interest in their wife, do not want to have sex. My husband seems to want it more than ever before.

OP posts:
Bant · 07/01/2018 21:55

It's gaslighting, onecutefox - part of the Script.

I agree, this looks suspicious, but I disagree with the comment that anything a man does which is suspicious is indicative of guilt.

More investigation is needed before LTB

Onecutefox · 07/01/2018 21:58

Gaslighting, thank you Bank - a fake innocent face.

Capelin · 07/01/2018 21:58

Being more interested in sex doesn’t mean anything either way.

NewYearNiki · 07/01/2018 22:00

Some people say that men sometimes use them to masturbate. Is this true?

No idea. But if he wasn't using them for a wank when you had an iud I doubt he'd start now.

Original poster
liveoutloud · 07/01/2018 22:02

@Bant he has a box in our wardrobe and they are kind of mixed kind. I do not really care as they feel the same to me but he seems to be interested in trying different things. The ones I found in his bag and a jacket seem to be the same kind as ours. You know once you start on this road of questioning everything it all becomes suspicious. Perhaps he is trying them out on me so that he can use it on this other woman. OMG I am loosing my mind! I don't want to think these thoughts but cannot help it. I always thought if I cheat on my husband, if I get to a point where I would want to be with someone else, I would leave him. Because what is the point in staying in a relationship if you do not want to be with the person. This is why I do not get cheating. Why cheat? Just leave and be with that someone else. Right?

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 07/01/2018 22:02

Plenty of people will tell you that the more sex you have, the more you want. And that your husband now wanting it more is a sign he's cheating.

Of course, the reality is different for every individual.

But I can tell you this:

  • "my husband isn't cheating I know because we're having more sex"
Is a lot less convincing a statement than
  • "my husband is cheating, I know because he's carrying condoms outside the house".
Sad
Ellisandra · 07/01/2018 22:07

Why not just leave?
You sound very naïve Sad

Because he's enjoying attention and an exciting new fuck elsewhere, but he doesn't actually like the woman enough to give up his nice comfortable home life and social group, be thought of badly by his children and family and friends, and lose a chunk of his assets and pension to you in divorce? (because you've been married 20+ years, and have kids, I'll take a guess based on statistics, that he's been the higher earner)

That's a fairly common reason to cheat and not just leave.

Many people are too gutless to leave, others don't actually want to.

marywasneeavirgin · 07/01/2018 22:08

Firstly I would follow,your gut, you were suspicious.

Now sit back and wait. Count the condoms in your wardrobe and keep a track of them. You may have had a uti due to him having sex with you and ow if there is one. Go and get a health screen for std's too.

Keep a note of anything you think could be suspicious and then when you feel,you've enough to confront him do just that.

Re phone and pc, ask him if you can use his phone one day to ring your best friend or child as your battery is flat and walk out of the room during the conversation. If he shits himself and follows you (the phone) I'd be inclined to think it's because he doesn't want you to read texts. After ending the call say I'm just going to text friend/child and see how he reacts. Good luck

DotCottonDotCom · 07/01/2018 22:14

What is a bit confusing for me is that people say that men if they are cheating loose interest in their wife, do not want to have sex. My husband seems to want it more than ever before

I can confirm this is BS.
Also many people who cheat aren’t necessarily “losing interest” in their spouse. It’s not all black and white.

outofthefryingpan · 07/01/2018 22:17

Have you been away overnight together recently? Maybe he packed them so you would always be prepared for action when out together?

Original poster
liveoutloud · 07/01/2018 22:20

Yes, I guess I should wait and see. Pay more attention to what he is doing and where he is going and the stack of condoms in our bedroom.
Thank you guys a lot for all your input (girls and guys) I feel much better now that I shared this with you. Will keep you posted...

OP posts:
Original poster
liveoutloud · 07/01/2018 22:21

@outofthefryingpan no, we have not been away recently. :(

OP posts:
Bant · 07/01/2018 22:32

Ok, that last comment doesn't bode well.

The fact he's carrying them around implies that he thinks he'll need them spontaneously. If your love life doesn't point to that, then there is a potential problem.

You can play the long game, by keeping track of numbers. You can just remove the condoms from his knapsack and suit and see if he gets a strained look on his face, wondering what you know. You can ask him outright. Or you can do stuff with phones in other rooms etc.

What's your preference?

Original poster
liveoutloud · 07/01/2018 22:35

I think I will play the long game and see how it goes. :(

OP posts:
Ruddygreattiger2016 · 07/01/2018 22:39

My point was, you are in a loyal intimate relationship with one man but YOU don't carry condoms around with you, so thinking logically why on earth would your dp have them in his jacket pocket and work bag? Unless of course HE has a very obvious reason. Sorry op.

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt · 07/01/2018 23:55

People carry condoms to use them. The signs of his mid-life crisis are also the signs of an affair. Does he have phone glue syndrome where he suddenly can't go anywhere without it? Does he have a bad case of mentionitis about a woman at work or the gym?

You should get into condom counting - count the ones in his jacket / bag. Count the ones in the bedroom and account for the ones you use.

As for sex an affair can quite often make him feel all stud-like because his ego's being stroked so it could make him as horny as hell.

Myheartbelongsto · 08/01/2018 00:55

Married men do not carry around condoms for no reason.

Do you, dies anyone you know do this? Of course not!

Myheartbelongsto · 08/01/2018 00:56

Tell him you put a hole in one of them and watch his face.

Fitbitironic · 08/01/2018 01:10

No point in waiting to see if one of the jacket/knapsack condoms goes missing. He's hardly likely to admit to using it if he's being planning something. He'll just say (once he's finished being aggressive and pissed off about realizing you'd found them) that it/they fell out of his pocket/bag, or that he realised what a stupid thing he was doing and threw it/them away. No proof of anything, another opportunity for him to lie which he gets away with. Gets more comfortable lying to your face, etc....
Don't bother with the long game. Find out as much as you can, however you need to, and do it quietly. No good reason for a married man to carry condoms, unless you're in the habit of al fresco sex while out with him...