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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Condoms in his jacket

92 replies

liveoutloud · 07/01/2018 19:54

I just found a couple of condoms in my husband's knapsack and one in his jacket. Shall I be alarmed? Please advise. Have no experience with this kind of stuff.

OP posts:
MotherofaSurvivor · 08/01/2018 11:40

With respect, the only word that is coming to my mind is DELUDED! Sorry

Flomper · 08/01/2018 11:48

does he like al fresco sex, do you go for long walks/bike rides and have sex in the woods? If so he could just be "being prepared" by outting some in his rucksack jusr un case. One in the jacket is pushing it a bit.

MickHucknallspinkpancakes · 08/01/2018 11:57

An increased sex drive can be the result of becoming sexually hyperactive unfortunately, regardless of who a cheater is engaging in it with.

Then when the affair "relationship" becomes more solid, the sex life with the innocent party can often calm down or cease to happen.

Sorry op, it doesn't look good.

If it were me, I'd say that I'd checked the amount of condoms in the wardrobe and there seem to be more missing than you'd used.

CheeseToastie123 · 08/01/2018 12:11

that's not particularly relevant. It's generally incumbent upon the man to have condoms, as he's he one who will wear them

Err, no.

FWIW, I am female and had condoms in my handbag when I was in my faithful, largely sexless marriage. I have carried condoms since getting divorced. Jacket sounds a bit odd, but if you're in the mood in the.living room, going upstairs to the cupboard can kill the mood a bit - is a jacket likely to be closer to hand? Was he trying it on outside the bedroom recently? Not making excuses, it sounds odd. Just thinking aloud.

RockinHippy · 08/01/2018 15:13

I felt suspicious and i snooped around his stuff.

That there is your answer, always, always trust your instincts

So sorry OP, but that alone means this looks less than innocent Sad

Original poster
liveoutloud · 08/01/2018 17:46

Hi everyone and thank you once more for all your posts. I do need help with this even if just to know that there are poeple outhter who empathize. Like I said it is funny how once you get on the road of mistrust for whatever reason, you start looing into averyting (not neceserarly a good thing) and see suspicios stuff everywhere you go. My husband came home last night and I looked at him and he looked different. Suddenly I ralized he looks much better lately, younger, sexier... He dresses different, he acts different. I had my sister and her family over and he was so anoyed by them, almost could not utter a word, and we used to be pals, the four of us, had lots of good times together (although my husband is by nature a smar ass and would oftern put each of us down). I will have to be patient and see if I can get more proff. I will try to track down the usege of the condoms in his bag.

And no, we do not have sex outdoors or in the living room for that matter. We have three teenagers milling around all the time, it is hard enough for us to have sex in our own room lately, waiting for everybody to quite down, hopefuly fall asleep. I am sure a lot of you can relate with this.

OP posts:
Original poster
liveoutloud · 08/01/2018 17:51

Sorry the message above was posted before I spellchecked it!
_
Hi everyone and thank you once more for all your posts. I do need help with this even if just to know that there are people other who empathize. Like I said it is funny how once you get on the road of mistrust for whatever reason, you start looking into everything (not necessarily a good thing) and see suspicious stuff everywhere you go. My husband came home last night and I looked at him and he looked different. Suddenly I realized he looks much better lately, younger, sexier... He dresses different, he acts different. I had my sister and her family over and he was so annoyed by them, almost could not utter a word, and we used to be pals, the four of us, had lots of good times together (although my husband is by nature a smart ass and would often put each of us down). I will have to be patient and see if I can get more proof. I will try to track down the usage of the condoms in his bag.

And no, we do not have sex outdoors or in the living room for that matter. We have three teenagers milling around all the time, it is hard enough for us to have sex in our own room lately, waiting for everybody to quiet down, hopefully fall asleep. I am sure a lot of you can relate with this.

OP posts:
Bant · 08/01/2018 17:56

I'm not saying that women shouldn't carry them, cheesetoastie - just that women will usually expect a man to have them, not rely on the woman to provide them.

I agree it doesn't look good in this case.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 08/01/2018 18:13

Hi OP, if you truly believe, in your gut, that he is/more than likely cheating, then get your ducks, quietly in a row, don't be left stranded.

Original poster
liveoutloud · 08/01/2018 18:21

@Sugarpiehoneyeye thank you

OP posts:
yetmorecrap · 08/01/2018 18:54

When my DH was having an emotional fling he suddenly lost some Weight, bothered more with his appearance , went to the sports centre more and seemed to be a bit more liberal with the aftershave. It never clicked at the time , just thought he was bothering a bit more, once I found out years and years later it clicked into place. Can't believe I didn't really dig more at the time, so yes, be alert for this kind of thing. I would suggest a bit more digging before any confrontation because once you confront they lie and hide.

Original poster
liveoutloud · 08/01/2018 19:19

@yetmorecrap I know what you mean. My husband, I think is going through midlife crises. It all started a few years back when he got himself a motorbike. I know, what a cliché! But that is when he started changing things, like his appearances, dressing up more, shaving “certain places” with no explanation, exercising much more than usual, wanting more sex, getting me all these sexy outfits, being annoyed by the kids (he used to be best dad ever), insisting we do things alone without kids and staff. I was getting to the point where I was losing it, really, like how much longer is this going to last? Really? The bit with the condoms is kind of a last straw.
Just when I was hoping that the whole thing should die down at this point. I am just tired of it all.

OP posts:
Bant · 08/01/2018 19:23

When you say he's going through midlife crises, liveoutloud - do you mean you think he's having an affair?

Shaving his public hair (presumably that's what you meant) isn't a sign of a midlife crisis. A motorbike is. Growing a trucker moustache, maybe.

Shaving pubes is the sign he's trying to make his penis more attractive to women. Possibly you. Have you talked to him about it?

SandyY2K · 08/01/2018 19:25

My husband seems to want it more than ever before.

Cheating can also make you more horny.

Bant · 08/01/2018 19:25

Sorry, I didn't realise you were there OP..

Embarrassed face emoji

Yes. Given all of that, it's kind of obvious. With the shaven pubes too. It's a bit pathetically predictable really. Sorry

Original poster
liveoutloud · 08/01/2018 19:31

@Bant When you say he's going through midlife crises, liveoutloud - do you mean you think he's having an affair?- well I think he has been going through midlife crises for a while now. The fact that he may be cheating on me too is just "new development" of the story, I think. I asked about shaving he literary did not say anything, just like, “I do not know”. It freaked me out a bit but I thought, at the time, well, times are changing, men are experimenting with things now they did not used to, so I let it be.

OP posts:
BackInTheRoom · 08/01/2018 21:17

Classic sign of an affair - cheating spouse getting annoyed with the kids...

sanityisamyth · 08/01/2018 21:46

@Bant shaving his public hair?! Not sure that is what OP meant 🤣🤣🤣

Bant · 08/01/2018 21:51

Shaving "certain places" with no explanation?

What's the alternative?

Bant · 08/01/2018 21:51

Ah. Typo.

Ok. Shaving his private hair

Koala72 · 08/01/2018 22:05

Why would he make sure he has condoms with him when he's away from home - in his coat, in his bag? Why? There is only one answer. So that if he finds himself in a situation where he can have sex, then he has a condom to hand.

I'm sorry but it is a really very bad sign and yet you can't ask him about it - if you do, you will lose the chance of finding out what is really happening. You have to, unfortunately, either turn a blind eye, or be more vigilant and look for other signs.

If you ask him, he will make a defensive excuse that isn't very credible, and will be more careful in the future.

I'm sorry. This isn't nice. : (

SandyY2K · 08/01/2018 22:31

Classic sign of an affair - cheating spouse getting annoyed with the kids...

^...^...^^ THIS

Figrollsnotfatrolls · 08/01/2018 22:42

So he is irritated by his stifling life? - he has unleashed himself - literally.

The ow will be long shortly op.
I will bet the rest of my Christmas sweets on it.

LexieLulu · 08/01/2018 22:57

He really sounds guilty from your comments OP?

Maybe ask him outright why your sister etc bothered him so much? See what his excuses are

bowtieandheels · 09/01/2018 00:49

I found condoms in my XDPs jacket pocket...he made up some excuse at the time...he also started working out and funnily enough shaving his pubes...wasn't till years later I found out he'd been shagging all around town!
Really doesn't look good OP, so sorry but I'd bet almost anything he's cheating.