Condoms in his jacket

[liveoutloud]

I just found a couple of condoms in my husband's knapsack and one in his jacket. Shall I be alarmed? Please advise. Have no experience with this kind of stuff.

I came home from work and he is not here yet; an hour late already. That is unusual actually. Perhaps I am imagining it all. I am already driving myself mad. OMG

The signs aren't good OP, if I were you I'd be getting my ducks in a row and taking some control of the situation. If you have the upper hand it will help with practicalities if/ When the truth comes out

Surely if you have been together for a long time, can you not discuss all your worries with your husband, its just not good that you are spending your days with so much worry and stress.

You need to know what might be happening outside your marriage, either nothing, or something. It will all simply drive you mad with all worry and thoughts that you have. Communication is the only way to go really, maybe not pleasant, but maybe all ok hopefully.

I’d just be keeping a very close eye on him. I’d also be looking to see if I could catch a glimpse of any passwords for his phone or email. As others have said, start to get yourself sorted financially in case it does all blow up

Trouble is, as you said, once you start to mistrust it almost never goes away. Even if you don’t find anything else and he goes back to normal, you’ll always be wondering what the condoms we’re doing in his pocket.

I’ve gotta say it’s not looking too good OP, from the fidelity front.

Can you confirm what you mean by this (I get the condom part btw!) wanting more sex, getting me all these sexy outfits, being annoyed by the kids (he used to be best dad ever), insisting we do things alone without kids and staff. I was getting to the point where I was losing it, really, like how much longer is this going to last? Really? The bit with the condoms is kind of a last straw.
Just when I was hoping that the whole thing should die down at this point. I am just tired of it all.

OP, you could try to provoke him to admit. I would say something like, "Did you have a nice time today/last night? You need more condoms? Feel free to take as many as you wish."
If his reply will be, "what are you talking about? Imagining something."
Just reply that you know what's going on and then leave it, ignore him. Don't answer his questions. If he asks what so you mean you know everything? Just say it doesn't matter how I know but that you're a lier. Don't say much. Those with a tendency of gaslighting will not admit easily.

He's having an affair. All the signs are there.

Check his car for a second phone. They do this!

Google that hack to get in to his phone.

Go spy on him at lunchtime. Lunchtime is a favourite time for cheaters, perfect alibi.

OP, I think you need to sit down and talk to him.

Not necessarily about the condoms, I can see why you might not want to mention that as he’ll think you’ve been snooping, but about other things (getting cross with your sister and impatient with the kids). Can you have a heart to heart chat about the state of your marriage generally? You might find it revealing.

How are you OP?

Capelin has a good idea. All of these things aren’t fair on you or your family and perfectly reasonable to call him on it.

I found condoms in my exH gym bag, he also started shaving his body hair. He was irritable with me and disinterested in spending anytime with me. These are classic symptoms of an affair/ extra marital sex. Turns out he’d had affairs and been visiting prostitutes too.
Hope you’re ok OP

Hope you got the answers you needed op.

Hello everybody, I am sorry I have not been here for a while. When I started this thread I did not realize how it will affect me. At some point that was all i could think about and it was driving me mad. The thing is nothing happened in the mean time. I check his bag and jackets every day, try to pay attention to his comings and goings but nothing more has happened since. He has not used the condoms I originally found which is what I was waiting for. He still goes for runs quite frequently and I am kind of on a look out for something to happen. Maybe it will not maybe it will. We will see. Thank you all for worrying about me and for your support.

No news is good news! At least you are aware of the signs now at least

He’s irritated with all of you because he’s done with all of you . Get all your legal financial stuff sorted now.

I hope you get some answers soon!
Hopefully it's all innocent xx