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Original poster

Partner slept with mum’s friend

170 replies

Shoulditellher1 · 06/01/2018 12:12

We’ve been together a year. Started casually but it’s grown steadily and we’re thinking about moving in together.

Very early on, he told me that he’d been having an affair with his mum’s friend but ended it soon after meeting me.

Apparently she was very upset but said she understood him wanting to be with someone more his age.

She’d been trying to put him off me before then, whispering in his ear that I wasn’t good enough for him, that I wouldn’t make him happy.

His mum has no idea. The friend made him promise not to tell her. But I feel uncomfortable knowing this secret. And it makes my blood boil every time she talks about her friend, what an angel she is and how kind she was to my partner when he was down in the dumps after losing his job.

Yeah, she was a fucking angel alright! Angry

For context she’s 46, 16 years older than my partner.

Whenever I see her she gives me the cold shoulder and makes pointed references to in-jokes that I am not part of. But always smiles and hugs me in front of others which drives me mad. They don’t see what a manipulative cow she really is.

The number of times I’ve had to bite my tongue whenever his Mum sings her praises, I have come so close to blurting it out. I know that if his mum ever knew, she’d be very upset.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoulditellher1 · 06/01/2018 15:17

Husky,

She’s known him since he was 8years old. That’s why I used the word predator. It’s not like they met as adults. To me that’s weird.

OP posts:
Huskylover1 · 06/01/2018 15:19

She’s known him since he was 8years old

I agree with you, that definitely adds a new dimension to this. And now it does seem icky.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 06/01/2018 15:23

If she’s pissy with you again, i’d start alluding the theur secret! Otherwise she’ll be think she can carry on as you’re a soft target.

The age difference is not huge but the fact that she’s known him since 8 years old?! Bleurgh

happypoobum · 06/01/2018 15:24

So anyone who met their partner before adulthood is a predator?

OK Confused

This man was THIRTY when they had sex. You are really overthinking this OP and it isn't doing you any good is it?

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 06/01/2018 15:24

Inepuld be asking her since what age she started fancying him!

Chubchub · 06/01/2018 15:27

Does the mums friend know that you know about the fling?

gamerchick · 06/01/2018 15:28

It might be a bit weird but they haven’t done anything wrong. I think you just need to look at it in a different way. It’s turned into a ‘thing’ and it needent have.

She’s being a cock to you, call her out on it and ask her why and is it because she’s jealous your dude stopped shagging her. Then it’ll be over one way or another.

Gemini69 · 06/01/2018 15:29

You are really overthinking this OP and it isn't doing you any good is it?

I think she's entitled to OVERTHINK it Hmm they woman is coming into her social environment and being a BITCH to her face...

Original poster
Shoulditellher1 · 06/01/2018 15:30

happypoobum

No, of course I’m not saying that. But to me it feels weird and yes, I’ll say it - icky, for an adult to watch a child grow and then become sexually active with them. Albeit in adulthood.

But you have your opinion and I have mine. Let’s just agree to disagree.

OP posts:
crunched · 06/01/2018 15:30

Going against the grain here but, since I agree with Coolas
in so far as,
It was two consenting ADULTS having sex. Perfectly legal, not inappropriate
why don't you mention it if it appears appropriate to the situation?

i.e. "mumsfriend sometimes I think you don't like me. Hope it isn't to do with your relationship with DP? After all that was in the past"

Seeing as it is just that, an old relationship, why would it effect his Mothers friendship with this woman? The age gap is irrelevant imo.

Original poster
Shoulditellher1 · 06/01/2018 15:34

Does the mums friend know that you know about the fling?

I’m not sure TBH. I haven’t brought it up with her, nor has my boyfriend. He said he didnt want to bring it up again and that he thought it best to let sleeping dogs lie. But she may suspect of course.

OP posts:
happypoobum · 06/01/2018 15:36

No Gemini The OP is coming into the x GFs social environment. She was there first remember?

I agree with PP that you should try to avoid her OP if it is upsetting you. Do you ever meet other exes of your boyfriend? Do you think you would feel differently if she were the mums friend but 32? I can't help thinking it;s the age difference that is making you react this way......

Original poster
Shoulditellher1 · 06/01/2018 15:39

Seeing as it is just that, an old relationship, why would it effect his Mothers friendship with this woman? The age gap is irrelevant imo.

It would affect his mum’s friendship with her because she has known him since he was a child. And sometimes looked after him when his mum had to work. So rightly or wrongly his mum would be very upset that they had a sexual relationship, even though they were consenting adults at the time. Feelings are feelings aren’t they, whether you might think she doesn’t have the right to be upset, the reality is she would be extremely.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 06/01/2018 15:41

I wouldn't like the situation. When you say affair... I take it she's married? Or has a partner?

That would bother me. The moral side of things.... as well as having to be around her. Some friend she is to his mum.

expatinscotland · 06/01/2018 15:41

I agree with you that it's icky, Should, but on both their parts. And he's making you lie and cover up and be secret. I couldn't be with someone like this because if they can be like that, then it can extend into other areas of their life and our life together. I'd find it sleezy, I mean, there are 7bn people in the world and you pick your mum's friend to shag?

SandyY2K · 06/01/2018 15:42

But to me it feels weird and yes, I’ll say it - icky, for an adult to watch a child grow and then become sexually active with them. Albeit in adulthood

I agree.

Original poster
Shoulditellher1 · 06/01/2018 15:42

Sandy,

No, I already said upthread that I used the word “affair” because of the secrecy surrounding it, not because she had a partner.

OP posts:
peppapigwouldmakelovelyrashers · 06/01/2018 15:44

What a weird OP. Your man slept with someone else before you. Who cares who she was? so what if she was friends with his mother? They were both adults, nobody married.

I don't see the issue at all here.

Original poster
Shoulditellher1 · 06/01/2018 15:45

I agree with you that it's icky, Should, but on both their parts. And he's making you lie and cover up and be secret.

It more complicated than that. He’s not “making” me lie and cover up their secret fling. As I said, he actually wouldn’t be too bothered about telling his Mum. But....he is fully aware of the fall out it would cause and doesnt want to upset his Mum. I think that’s pretty understandable tbh.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 06/01/2018 15:47

No, no husband or partner. Affair was probably the wrong word in this context. I meant affair as in a fling.

Just seen this.

Gemini69 · 06/01/2018 15:49

No Gemini The OP is coming into the x GFs social environment. She was there first remember?

Aahhhh so he's never allowed to move on then... gotcha Hmm

expatinscotland · 06/01/2018 15:50

'He’s not “making” me lie and cover up their secret fling. As I said, he actually wouldn’t be too bothered about telling his Mum. But....he is fully aware of the fall out it would cause and doesnt want to upset his Mum. '

Then he's asking you to cover it up, keep secrets and lie. Or, he's not bothered. So tell her! If he didn't want to upset his ma then he shouldn't have shagged her mate, you know, find someone else to boink, the world is full of people, after all.

Gemini69 · 06/01/2018 15:50

What a weird OP. Your man slept with someone else before you. Who cares who she was? so what if she was friends with his mother? They were both adults, nobody married. I don't see the issue at all here.

christ almighty.. talk about missing the actual point of the THREAD Hmm

Arkangel · 06/01/2018 15:51

OP,

It's becoming clearer and clearer that it is YOU making the issue with her and monopolising on her age to garner support.

I'm almost a decade older than one of my brothers friends, who I grew up with. I didn't fancy him when he was 12 but Jesus on a stick I would jump him now.
Because he an adult who knows his way around a gym and is fiiiiiit.

Not because I'm a predator... ha!

Gemini69 · 06/01/2018 15:54

OP would be very happy in her life.. if the EX Lover stopped behaving like a Bitch whenever they are in the same company... Hmm

that is ALL the OP wants... Flowers

Good Luck OP.. but I'd be telling the Mother and getting shot of the sad cow...