He isn't good enough for me. An we aren't good enough for our children.

[Gigimoll]

I hate having to make this post.
So I don't know why I got involved with him. I was 18, he was 22. He has been a no hoper with jobs. Won't learn to drive and he has no motivation for life. Nothing. I went along being naive I think and if I'm honest, sex was a new and exciting thing with me and I just wanted to meet "the one" and settle down. My life has been pretty shit. Finding my brother committing suicide at 7, all I wanted was my own family.
I got this last year. We welcomed our beautiful little girl into the world. I'm now due again in march with our little boy.
In December he was let go from his job. He's made zero effort to get another. He just expects me to do it all for him. We have a house that we're now loosing. I do a long shift almost 7 months pregnant to clear the debt he put me in and then I have to clean the whole house top to bottom. I've had people (his family) threaten to report me for an untidy house when our little girl was a newborn.
I feel utterly worthless. I don't get 5 mins anymore. I'm dealing with sciatica too that's crippling me as well as rheumatoid arthritis. Even the bins I have to do my damn self. An he just sits there. Getting angry at the xbox.
He won't learn to drive.
He won't help me around the house.
He won't look for another job or even sign on. Nothing.

I've thoughts about adoption for our second. He wasn't planned and we were on contraception. But what life is this? I do overtime to my daughter doesn't go without. My benefits have stopped cause he's with me just there. I'm fed up.
What would you do? Every time we talk it's just a fight

Are you close with your parents? How old are you now? Could you stay with them? He does sound like a waste of space unfortunately. I feel for you. His family sound horrible too.

Fortunately my parents are the ones keeping me afloat in terms of rent which I'm so grateful for. They're helping me til February in the hope he can shift his arse. He won't. I know he won't. I don't know what to do. I wish I could move back but their house wouldn't house myself never mind my daughter too :(

Have my very first LTB

Seriously, what is he bringing to your relationship? How is he enhancing the lives of you or your dc. You’d be so much better without him or his crappy family.

And just for the record, you can’t be reported for having an untidy house - Christ you should see the state of my house and I adopted one of my dc so I’ve had social services practically living with me for 12 months.

Its made me paranoid. I love my dc more than anything. They'll always come first. He isn't bringing anything to me but I worry it'll be a mistake to leave.
See it's a huge mess. His family which he would move back to if I kicked him out live miles away. We spoke about it before and he said if we split he wants the babies 5 days on then 5 days off. I can't have them going that way so young.
He wont drive and it's 3 bus rides. I can't afford to drive right now but I'm doing my theory for the 6th time. Im trying. But even so. I don't want them away from me and with his batty family who will just feed them shit and not have the discipline with them. Being spoilt to me is one thing. But they spoil kids by encouraging misbehavior.

You sound like you have everything you need to be a happy and lovely parent to two children, albeit on a shoestring. Just him making life impossible.

If he is making life so hard that you are considering giving your child up for adoption because of him then things are not going to feel any better by going through with it.

I would find out what housing arrangements and benefits you could get once you are single and go from there.

He may want the 5 days on 5 days off but that doesn't mean it would happen! He sounds like the kind of useless that might just leave you to it which presumably would be no bad thing from your perspective.

So you will have two under two? I doubt he'd be granted that level of access (especially if you are BF ing).
He really is a selfish man child isn't he? Whose name is the house in, if shared can. You show that he doesn't contribute and get the tenancy changed to you? Claim what benefits you are owed, or even go back to your parents?

Would he even be arsed to go to court?

You are enough. He is not. Ltb, you sound so strong. You can do this.

Leave. Or throw him out.

Given how feckless he is it seems unlikely that he'd fight you for custody.

I doubt he'd be arsed to want access, he's saying this to keep you in your place as emotional blackmail

You'd be a lot better offwithout him.

Get rid and start claiming benifits and move further away if you have to.

Don't be daft he's not gonna be arsed with contact! Just offer him twice a week at your house. Then you can happily say you are offering contact he's the one not taking it if it involves effort.

He can want whatever he likes when it comes to the residency of the dc, but he doesn't have to get it.

Kick him out. Refuse such a division of time with the dc - they're too young and would he be able to provide suitable accommodation anyway? Offer him reasonable access on your own terms and get shot of him.

A man like this will drag you and your children down. The way I see it is that you're young enough that you could scrape by on the bones of your arse for a few years while your children are too little to realise or care. And you'll still make a great success of your life for you and your children in the years that come.

With him it will be much, much harder.

My first LTB too.

Leave now before number 2 arrives and everything will get harder. He obviously doesn’t care for you or your kids. Try not to let his family get to you, if they harass or threaten you speak to the police ASAP.

You sound like a lovely mum, and you’re doing everything you can. And as PP said you are strong and can do this on your terms.

He can't just do that. You say no and explain. He can't force you or them. He'll have to take you to court. Put your foot down.

Oh sweetheart. I really feel you. I honestly think you have to leave him. Even if it means sleeping on a blow up bed at your parents or something for a week. Or you can kick him out; perhaps speak to a solicitor to see what your rights are- do you own the house? I know that a solicitor might cost money but perhaps there are some legal whizzes on here who can advise. Or CAB? A friend of mine left her DH after ten years of marriage due to emotional neglect. He has a job but thought that earning was all he needed to do! Her mental health is much improved and she’s so much happier after a period of stress and upheaval. I hope you find a solution x

This is why I'm torn. He can be an absolute bastard and then the sweetest guy. Credit where its due, he cares for our daughter more than anything. She's number one. He's not a bad father. Just not a provider but I wouldn't stop contact. Just over my dead body would they be away for 5 days.
This isn't the life I want for them. I just wish he had some damn motivation and will to improve mine and his children's life instead of sat in front of a console all day. But it'll never happen. I just wish I had some courage and knowledge that it'll be okay and my kids won't be dragged all that way on three buses in the cold.

He's a waste of space, who brings nothing to the table.

This man will suck the life out of you.

Looking after 2 under 2s will be full on- I imagine after couple hours he’ll soon change his tune about 5 on, 5 off. Not that any court will grant that for such young children. Get out, your parents sound great. You all have the rest of your lives in front of you. You deserve to be happy.

Being a good parent is also about providing for the dc - which he does not do. Also, by treating you like a skivvy he is keeping you down and being a hideous example of men and what relationships should look like.

Maybe kicking him out will give him the wake-up call to shape up.

There's no reason to believe he would get what he says he wants regarding the dc, even if he went to court.

I just have to say that I think you sound like a remarkable woman who has a deadbeat partner.

Get shot of him and you’re more than capable of raising you’re kids.

He does fuck but leach if you and that’s not being a good father.

My thoughts are to end your tenancy and either go sole tenant where you are if that’s feasible (parents as guarantor?) or go to something else without him.

Break the damn Xbox for a start, I bet he would get a new job then.

How is he going to look after two small children while playing his console all day? I would call his bluff on that one.

Is he motivated enough to do the bus journeys? Doesn’t sound like it.

Sorry Op, you are wrong He's not a bad father, he is a crap father. Being a good father means supporting the Mother, sharing the load and contributing all round. Any fucker person can bounce a baby on their knee.