The Brave Babes Battle Bus - New year, old battles, big resolve

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus for years, so this time it's me standing in for our wonderful Mouse to invite you on board.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in.

If you want to see what it's like, here's the link to the last thread, the one that saw us through Christmas.

And if you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread.

Join us on our journey, you won't regret it.

It's such a great feeling Dry when you realise you didn't do anything embarrassing isn't it?
That is the best thing for me (as well as loads of other benefits) but I was exhausted with pretending I was fine with all the stupid stuff I'd said and done when plastered. Totally paranoid about the stuff I may have said/done but couldn't remember.

Day 18 AF dawns cold and frosty, and that's just not the weather!
It's all kicked off with my family. My Mum and Dad are emailing each other and it's getting bloody. Thank fuck there's thousands of miles between them! What a time to go dry!

Thank you Twattage13
I'm sorry to hear you had a crap day yesterday, I'm not working just now but was in medical scene up until 2015 when I gave up work to care for mum. Work related stress played a big part in my downfall with booze so I can absolutely understand why you needed to step off for a quicky!
I can see you have great insight and have got your plan pretty much sorted.
Have a great day!

spring - indeed. Earlier on this week we were talking about our triggers, I think it was me and dry. I totally forgot that stress is also a trigger for me!

So it's boredom, socialising and stress for me...

Thank you Rubyrubyredlips, I hope I can be as strong as you have been.
To get where you are now seems like a distant dream at the moment, but I will do all I can to keep hold of my dream.
Thank you for sharing. Have a great weekend!

Morning all,
goodness, so many new babes to get to know
Everyone sounds pretty determined at the moment which is good to see, of course, there are setbacks and stumbles but it's to be expected.

I have had the awful lurgy, better now but left with terrible headaches and I'm not sleeping well with them, painkillers don''t help.

Did I spy Elba calling by? Good to know you're out there, Mint what a bloody mess, sending you lots of strength and good wishes.

MisssHoolie if you're reading, I hope you're OK, and you Mouse

Good to ee Gugg and everyone else, I've lost track of the thread and can't look at a screen too long with this headache so I will be back once I'm all mended.

Have a good Friday everyone, possibly the most challenging day of all, make a plan, keep busy.

Twattage Oh bugger, sorry! But yes, and deffo those too.

I just wish I could sleep now, feel wired and like i'm never going to sleep again.
Think I may have to resort to a sleeping tablet. I tried without last night and think maybe it did me good to let go of my emotions. I hope so.
Thanks again.

You'll get there Spring I did loads of yoga when I was trying to get my head straight. That really helped. Still try to go but not been as much. You've just made me realise that I need to get back into it.

Luxury sorry to read you're not well. Hope you feel better soon. If my memory serves me correctly I think you may have had quite a bit of illness. Am I right or mixing you up with someone else? I have kept reading although not posting.

Good morning,
Day 2 here. Thank you for the welcome and cheerleading yesterday.
Yesterday was surprisingly easy?!
I've no illusions it will always be but there was such a sense of relief to not be diving into a bottle (or 2) of wine.
Weirdly I'm having to convince my housemate that I have a real problem with alcohol, it's like he's in denial on my behalf! I must make sure that I don't think back to this when the booze devil is sitting on my shoulder and whispering to me and use it as an excuse.
Wishing everyone a good day, particularly anyone who is struggling at the moment.
Soft x

whatever no Day 2, Day 11 out of 12. Awesome
mint try and not be overwhelmed by it all. hang in there.
soft well done. Keep clocking up those days
spring stay with us

lux good to see you.

Too many to name check and got a meeting. got to run

Spring You'll probably feel loads better soon after all the crying. A good cry clears everything out. Be kind to yourself today. Hoping you and Mumzilla can stay strong. As the others have said keep posting.

Twattage No need to justify why you've had a drink to me. There's nothing wrong with doing moderation if it works for you. I don't think I'm planning to stop forever. I hate being put in work situations like that. Problem solving is a big part of my job and it makes me die a bit inside when it's something that blantently should've been spotted/ done earlier.

I am on day 12 today. I still feel crap and the cold has moved to my sinus' now. I was looking at Becks Blue in the supermarket earlier and astounded to discover it costs more than lager. I didn't get any. I've run out of e-liquid too and not bought any of that either. I did treat myself to some snack food though.

Twattage , I meant that you were defensive of you decision to drink, not your reaction to the criticism, which was clearly righteous fury!

Spring, you have been suppressing that emotion for a long time, the catharsis of crying is an important part of being able to move forward. Alcohol arrests our development, because it blurs and softens our reactions, we don't use the experience to grow. Anxiety and fear - as long as it doesn't overwhelm us - is our psyche's way of letting us know that we are living, and growing, not hiding and allowing our world to shrink to a tiny comfort zone.

Baking I.ve had horrible sinus pain too, I don't know if it was a virus with bad timing, or a withdrawal symptom. Either way, it knocked me off my feet yesterday.

Mint it is absolutely the BEST time to be dry - think how much tougher it would be if you didn't have your rational, sober head on.

Get well soon, Lux.

Thank you babes 11 out of 12 days not bad. It’s hard but I am staying on the bus with you lovely lot and we will keep each other going x

Oh spring. That often happens when we stop drinking, really really normal. Just allow yourself to feel your feelings. It’s a day for a duvet,hot chocolate and a comedy on the telly.

Don’t try and stop it or change it,just let it all happen. Sometimes it’s part of the process x

Big wave to sweet and I KNEW ma was hiding the Opal Fruits.

Loving all the posts but the bus is movin* fast these days. Keep posting it’s giving strength to all the other babes.

I'm here offering strength.
I'm moderating so far so good.
KOKO babes and be kind to yourselves x

I hoe you're ok, spring, and anyone else who is struggling. The not sleeping is a real bugger but try to remember that the sleep we had when we were drinking wasn't real sleep at all. We might have spent 10pm until 7am snoring our heads off, but it wasn't real restful healing sleep. Could you download some podcasts and just rest with your eyes closed? Although if taking a sleeping tablet makes you feel better and helps, go for that. Catherine Grey mentions sleeping tablets as one of the useful things to get through the first 30 days of not drinking. Her book, The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, is really good.
Over here, I feel like I'm going to miss the wine more this Friday than I did last Friday, because it's the first end of the week since we have been back at work and school. Plus I'm eating SO MUCH CRAP. I'm talking an entire box of chocolate fingers, two bags of crisps and a box of fudge. I'm going to be the size of a house.

Psyching myself up to do school pick up. I've not had to do it for a while for various reasons.
Ridiculous as it sounds, it really sparks my anxiety and I used to 'treat' myself to a drink when I got back to 'settle my nerves' obviously .
I have managed to pick up my dd without the drink afterwards but it does put me in a really horrible place and I get all snappy and miserable because of it. All to do with feeling left out of the playground 'huddles', feelings of inadequacy. God I sound pathetic.

Note to self - you can do this. Alcohol does not make anything better. You don't give a twaddle about people who can't be arsed talking to you.

Thanks for letting me waffle

ruby i relate to the school pick up stress. Add in to this a younger child who is tantruming frequently this adds to the feelings if inadequacy!!

spring my first proper attempt I felt so low. I gave in and started to drink just to feel nothing to switch it all off. For the hope of the one/two glass of wine feeling. Obviously drinking again only added to my problems. The longer I don't drink I more shit I think alcohol is. The more i realise how many problems it's caused me and how it's not ever solved one. The more i hate our culture that pushes alcohol for every event happy or sad.

Day 70 af. Feel so much calmer. I feel hopeful. I feel like this is the person I should be. I can not believe I have finally managed to stop for a significant period. I have spent the last 20 years obsessed with alcohol one way or another. When I started not drinking I was so ashamed to say I don't drink. I am started to feel proud to be able to say I don't drink.

Good luck with your plans for this weekend babes whether those are being af or moderating. Happy birthday to those of you with birthdays!!

Well I can't say I had the boing today, but I did get a lot done (marking, prep, second marking, diary filled in for next week, dog walked x2, 1 load of washing done, 1 to go).

Tomorrow I am going to have to fake it big time for an open day (fixed smile), but at least I know I won't be breathing fumes over potential students, and hopefully I won't forget all of my colleague's name and specialisms like I did last time.

Ruby the school run is total BS - check out all the AIBU thread about school gate politics, you are best off out of it - but I know that anxiety isn't always rational.

Saywhen I got to 70 days a couple of years ago, it really was as liberating as you say. I was the person I should have been, but I let the wine witch whisper to me that it was ok now, I could let my hair down a bit, just have the one. It's never just the one though is it? SO this year, I'm on the look out for her. I can't say for sure I've had my last glass of wine, but I'm sure as hell going to fight for the calm you describe

sweet No unfortunately I can't do the one either. My work is a bit of a nightmare at the moment and have the thoughts, the cravings the fuck its.... I must be fine I've done 70 days thoughts....

I'm not fine. Personally 'll never be fine with alcohol.

What was it that started you off after a long break? I have a few friends who are 'fine' with alcohol - they can take it or leave it. I fool myself sometimes thinking I could be the same.....

Twattage I personally don't feel it is helpful to post about drinking and your reason why the post was defensive and quite flippant about drinking.

I am here to not drink or do my best to not drink and it's Friday afternoon, I am wavering a bit and I come onto the "support" thread to find someone justifying one night off so what does my wine witch brain immediately think "oh, well if so and so can have a night off and get back on it tomorrow then maybe I can too? See moderating is actually fairly easy........"

I have struggled with joining this thread in the past as it sometimes seems that drinking is mentioned more than not drinking.

Will have to evaluate the benefits of being here I think

Day 12 - struggling a bit now to be honest...

Loubilou - I think you'll find if you read back on my posts that I am absolutely not flippant about drinking.

I have in the past had a serious problem with drinking wine (as of 5 years ago I have been entirely abstinent) which I have overcome, and I now choose to moderate with beer.

As I understood it, both moderators and total abstainers are welcomed here. If that's not the case them I'm happy to leave you to it.

I am not going to apologise for the fact that I've found a way forward with my problematic drinking and that I have chosen to have a reset for 25 days in January, the same in Feb / March, and then probably beyond that.

I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable or you feel unsupported.

I'll step out now - thanks.

Twattage please don’t step out. You have been a help to me and others on this post and I believe the thread is for people requiring help and support with drinking both abstaining and moderating. Loubilou please also keep posting as you will find lots of support here. We are all different and get support in different ways and from different posters.
Keep bring strong

sweet - I was probably being defensive because I expected someone to criticise me for it and I was getting in first. And lo and behold they have.

Knock yourself out Loubilou - the threads all yours from now on...

*being not bring