The Brave Babes Battle Bus - New year, old battles, big resolve

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus for years, so this time it's me standing in for our wonderful Mouse to invite you on board.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in.

If you want to see what it's like, here's the link to the last thread, the one that saw us through Christmas.

And if you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread.

Join us on our journey, you won't regret it.

Morning all babes and bears...

Well after a spectacularly shit day at work yesterday in which I spent 3 hours travelling to and from site, 9 hours in shitty meetings where one person decided to spend the whole day berating me for work that is neither my responsibility nor within my control that hasn't been done (and then apparently slagged me off to one of the other consultants after I'd left the room), one of my team was ill so I had to cover all their urgent stuff, got home at gone 7 and there was still over an hour's work to do...I stepped into the sidecar by way of 4 x bottles of Heinekens.

I did it quite deliberately as a one-off and don't intend to be drinking again until I go on holiday. Still slept for 9 hours last night, don't feel anxious this morning (do feel tired but always do on a Friday). I absolutely don't want to be self-medicating with work stress (haven't actually felt stressed apart from yesterday, due to not drinking) and I've done really well the last 2 weeks, but yesterday was an exceptionally crap day. I had no desire to have more and just went to bed with my book.

Back to day 12 today - it's a new WW week today and I managed to stick to plan about 99% so pleased with that.

Anyway I realise that doesn't help those you that are going for 100% abstinence, but I'm a moderation girl so I do not intend to feel either guilty or bad about it.

Onwards...x

Bernie and rothbury bears I hope you are okay?

You are right Sweet, I am going to try and keep going. I am doing low carb bootcamp and that asks everyone to go AF for the first two weeks anyway. And the last couple of nights have been broken sleep due to DS2 coughing all night so it would be blissful to sleep in on Sunday having had a full night's sleep.

Is that right about our bodies still adapting guggenheim? Mine will be in total shock then, with low carb bootcamp too. What are the side effects of this?

Morning All,

The thing about the Bus, Twattage, is that we are a broad church, in the past some people didn't stick around because we did talk about drinking; that's ok, for some the mere mention is triggering. So whatever works for you is ok here, and you do have long experience of making moderation work. I would just ask you to reflect on just how defensive your post sounds about it. Do you get to read the riot act to the person who hadn't done the work? Some people are spectacular arses aren't they?

Yorks, that's one for the 'bank book' store it up for when times get tough again and remember that you can get through it. Enjoy your haircut. I'm embarrassed to say that my AF non-spend so far is £77 (not incl. today), that's probably a conservative estimate based on the least I would spend on a bottle, but it was far more likely to be a £12 bottle of Sancerre rather than a £7 bottle of Pinot Grigio ('cause you can't have a problem if you're drinking 'better' wine )

Guggs, you sound positive despite your 'setbacks'.

VBC (there, does that solve everyone's spelling problems ?) Do you think reducing your medication so soon is a good idea? Maybe give your body a little more time to readjust to the new normal?

I'm feeling better this morning, although I only managed about five hours sleep - struggling to switch my brain off. And I was thinking, 11 days is a huge achievement, the longest I've done in many a month, and it feels like an age, but in terms of the body recovering, it's still early days, Guggs is right, benefits will be more apparent after two weeks, I need to stop being so impatient.

Have a good AF day all.

Rose That would just be too much for me in one go! I bow to your very excellent strength of will, you are going to be unbelievably awesome by Feb

Morning sweet - the person who has done the work is my boss...so not exactly!

I am defensive about it as it is to do with stuff that happened before I was working with this client (my predecessor was sacked and it is this person + my boss that should have done the work in early 2017). I am now picking up the pieces as the client is not happy and I do agree with them as to why.

I'm still quite angry about it as well but I had to hold it in all day yesterday as I will not be unprofessional (or defensive) in a client meeting! I think it came out on here instead...sorry.

The perfectionistic side of me didn't want me to be drinking as I'd said I wouldn't - I think that's making me justify it as well! There really is no need to...I am fine and not in any form of state...

x

that should have said 'hasn't done the work!

Happy Friday everyone

Oh God, please help me.
In a terrible state now. No sleep whatsoever as headache worse last night.

Random/flashing thoughts re my past behaviour when drinking/drunk became unbearable around 530am and the floodgates opened. I absolutely sobbed my heart out, could barely get my breath.
I can't ever remember crying like this and being sober.

Everything is suddely all so real.
All I keep thinking of is my lovely mum and how impatient I got with her at times when I was drinking.

Have had to ask my DP to stay off work today, just could not have coped on my own, thought I was going mad.

Never imagined it to be this hell. And fuck you alcohol if you think i'm coming back to you. Whatever kills me in the end, I won't let it be you!

spring you are ok, you will be fine, you are safe here
this is something that happens as the buffer of alcohol is withdrawn and reality kicks in. Please don't go back to drinking to get over this. it is, in it's way a good thing to happen, but it doesn't feel like it at the time. You can't live with the regret of how you were - only with the promise of how you are going to be and how much things will change when you are not being controlled by alcohol. Stay strong. You can't change the past but you can change the future.

twattage moderation is the aim for many of us on here. I don't plan to be permanently AF. I just want to break the habit of heading home and diving straight into a bottle of wine. sorry you had such a shitty day.

cross posted .LOVE your second post. Attagirl!
Here, have a green Opal Fruit.

Spring just sending support, stay strong, this is part of the process and letting go of all the old shit, and part of the journey towards a much better life. You are doing brilliantly to get this far, stay with us now.

Thank you for your lovely, supportive words dementedma.

I just feel so alone now and the realisation of what a selfish cow i've been for so many years, maybe 20+

I've been reading back from the first threads as suggested by another kind poster. You are a very strong woman indeed, helping other's when you have been struggling thru your own dark days.
Thank you, I am taking in every wise word you have posted.
Sorry for such slow reply, i can't get into predictive texting!

Spring stay strong today, allow yourself to feel and be kind to yourself. Get angry at the drinking. It's my first day home alone today. Going to do this. I CAN do this, and do can you. 💕

Thank you Luckingfovely

I suppose i'm one of many who thought I could deal with this without much trouble!
If it was going to be that easy, we wouldn't have these very much needed, amazing support threads.

Didn't know how I was going to get thru this morning, let alone today. Now I have hope.

I sincerely hope everyone here has a brilliant, happy alcohol free day.
Thank you, thank you all.

Spring you will get through this. And you are being super strong for not going back to drinking.
mumzilla you CAN do this. Have you made any plans for today? Are you able to get out and about for a walk or something?

mumzilla2, I am with you, all the way!

Yes, we will do this! There is great strength and safety in numbers.x

Trust2017 the tears keep falling, couldn't stop them if I wanted to but I know they need to come.
I think if they hadn't come this morning, my head would have exploded!

I'm not religious or a needy person in any way but today has just brought me to my knees in prayer for help
Your support is helping so much.

Morning everyone, I fell off th bus on day 10. I had a bottle of wine. Don’t know why I done it, so Day 2 again. Good to see a lot you babes/bears doing so well. I am out for tea with friends tonight and they all know I’m doing DJ but won’t tell them about my blip as don’t want any excuse to give up x

Spring I recognise you are in pain but it seems you are thinking positively and working through it. Keep posting.

Whatevermaybe, It is the hardest thing I have ever had to face. We are human and that's why we fall. Be strong and keep going. Everyone here has your back.

spring - sending a very large hug...it can feel so isolating when you think you are the only person with problematic drinking. But you're not. Everyone on here knows how that feels.

whatever - just keep going - you've had what 11 days sober this year? That's great :).

x

Spring I had an almighty crash in March last year and reading your post has reminded me. I was in a right state feeling so anxious about my past behaviour, ruminating, waking up in the night etc. I was using alcohol to self medicate and deal with my anxiety, my lack of sleep...and anything else really.
However I can truly say that the last 10 months have been so much better than the previous x years because I am taking control and facing up to my fears. And admitting that I wasn't very pleasant previously but I'm trying to forgive myself for this.
Be kind to yourself you are taking control, you are doing this. We are all here to support each other so keep posting.

Fair play for coming back and posting about it Twattage that’s strong of you. I expect I’ll drink again at some point; I nearly cracked last night too. I went for dinner then stopped off at the pub with some hard-drinking friends. I think the difference is they drink a few pints every day and can handle it (and I don’t and can’t).

When I woke up this morning and my recollections - pub table, specific friends, talking about alcohol - clicked into place, I had the involuntary sinking sensation I always get the morning after drinking, in which I try to remember what embarrassing things I’ve done. I’m really enjoying the moment of realisation that I didn’t do anything bad because I didn’t drink.

Good luck mumzilla and Spring !

I have to say, posting my musings here is really helping, so thank you all. My real life Dry January friends have quit already!

dry - I was really tempted either not to come back or to lie about it, but I didn't. Because that doesn't help.

I know exactly that sinking feeling - I had it every time when I drank wine...I still go red in the face even now when i think about how terrible my behaviour was in the past.

Fortunately I don't behave like that when I drink beer!

Last night I had two beers whilst finishing my work and catching up with a colleague by phone, and then two watching Hunted, and then bed.