The Brave Babes Battle Bus - New year, old battles, big resolve

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus for years, so this time it's me standing in for our wonderful Mouse to invite you on board.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in.

If you want to see what it's like, here's the link to the last thread, the one that saw us through Christmas.

And if you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread.

Join us on our journey, you won't regret it.

All - just checking in to say night night. Day 6 done for me. Am in bed with PJs and just watched DiP on replay.

rothbury - yay you're back. Definitely not a failure...a minor blippage and you've done 4 days. Onwards we go.

Sweet and good dreams all...x

And to the person who asked about AA - no you just turn up. There are no strings...

I'd like to know that too trying because I never seem to get to that point.
Day 5 done and dusted. Saturday tomorrow - stock up on sweets and fasten your seatbelts.
dubh are you out there? We miss you and your t'interbosies...

Hi Trying, I will try to answer your question. For me it’s other people’s comments more than anything I actually notice - lots of people have commented on my weight loss, or the fact that my skin looks good, I look healthier, etc. I don’t really see any of that, still look like the same, frazzled old bag when I look in the mirror TBH!

It definitely does get easier in terms of cravings and temptation, I don’t think of booze a lot and when other people are drinking around me I don’t feel the need to join in. To get to that point probably took a couple of months. Obviously the sleep is amazing and I definitely feel well-rested now, plus I really don’t understand how I dealt with some of the shitty things in my life with a hangover.

For me the major difference was when I gave up, my frame of mind was just totally different this time. Other attempts started with me thinking that I couldn’t stay sober because of a wedding/Christmas/Fridays/work stress etc, etc, but this time I knew that I was able to do all of that AF. I don’t know if I’ve explained that very well, it’s hard to put into words, I think it was about self-belief. Plus, I had definitely hit what my sponsor (I did AA for a bit) called rock bottom and it terrified the living shit out of me but it was also the motivation I needed.

Ginger, you just turn up to an AA meeting and you don’t have to say anything at all, the first times I went I just found it comforting to listen. Some people find all the big book/higher power stuff a bit culty and weird, but really I think you can take from it what you like. Let us know how you get on.

Whatever, please come and clean my house. Please. There is so much mess here I guarantee you will be distracted.

trying I’m a binge-drinker rather than an everyday drinker, and have done a month AF plenty of times - for me, that magical turning point hasn’t come yet. I haven’t lost weight or seen an improvement in my skin or transformed my mind in a month. That’s why I struggle to keep it up!

I expect it’s different if you’re an everyday drinker though.

Respect to all of you going to bed - I’m a night owl and the witching hour is when I most want a

I didn't feel good till about day 50 to be honest. I remember about 10 years ago when I sometimes didn't drink Monday- Thursday by wednsday/Thursday I remember feeling really good but then opening the wine Friday and you know the rest.

This hasn't happened the last few years. I guess as I've been drinking for longer.

I have been on the edge of getting anti-depressants for the last 2 year. This week I have felt really good. For the first time in a long time I haven't felt dreadful for some of the day. Today I actually felt happy and confident!!

The weight loss didn't start until about day 40ish. I've lost 4/5 lb which is great as i find it really hard to loose anything.

I am really thinking differently about alcohol. Seeing a really happy life without it.
I'm on day 60 something af.

That’s good to hear SayWhen - glad to hear it will happen eventually!

Wow! What a busy place. Cheers and whooping for everyone, stick at it, even if you think you've failed. Go on, you can do it x

I’m pretty good at stubborn self-deprivation and I know I’ll be able to do Dry January, Dry February, 50 Days, 100 Days or whatever, but I’m already planning a celebratory drink at the end

Any tips on how I can re-wire myself into not wanting a drink?

DryFeb yes I agree with your point about stubbornly refusing to let DJ beat me but then celebrating at the end. However I have never been AF that long so perhaps at the end of the month I will feel that the benefits will be so good that I won’t want to spoil it. Can only wait and see and I suppose that follows on from the one day at a time and not projecting scenario?

Trying yes I think going to the gym every day gives me a good focus and if I have done that then I don’t want to spoil the healthy benefit by drinking. Prior to this week I hadn’t been to the gym for 3 weeks either because I had too many social events and was either drinking or recovering from drinking. Since I started again this week I feel I have got on a bit of a roll. Have booked spin class tomorrow! Think this may be my new addiction
Well done to you for sticking to the soft drinks. I am feeling optimistic for this DJ

Dryfeb I am also a binge drinker do maybe that is the difference

Evening all. I still have the dreaded lurgy so I'm in bed watching A Christmas Carol gone wrong. I will try and catch up with the thread tomorrow .
Here ends Day 11 AF.

Day 3 AF endeth here - longest period without since I did DJ about 3/4 years ago, and probably the only Friday since then. I think still being on holiday has helped confuse my system.

Not been a great day though. Still feel restless, tired and a bit anxious, made much worse by a bad episode of hitting and kicking from DS2 (suspected ASD, awaiting diagnosis). Made me feel really stressed at the time and sad after, and lonely. None of these are rare feelings but I would usually use wine to soften the edges, but I both didn't want to and desperately did. I didn't though. I hope I start feeling better soon, although the restlessness and anxiety are highlighting just how much I need to do this.

Hi everyone, is there room for another one?

I am on day 7 of no drinking and had my first wobble today having told an old friend I am planning on being tee total when we go on holiday together later this year, she was not very supportive or at least not very encouraging. This is a friend who doesn't really drink much either so I really wasn't expecting that and I had been feeling so pleased with myself it took the wind out of my sails a bit.

How do you deal with people who don't really get it? I don't want to avoid my usual social contacts?

Hi MrsC

Was your friend actively discouraging? I’ve found mine to be a bit nonplussed or not really care either way, which is how it should be I think. Perhaps your friend similarly doesn’t care? Or maybe she thinks you’ll end up drinking by then?

I’m on Day 7 AF too and questioning myself too - hopefully we’ll feel more resolve as time passes

Hi MrsC welcome. Hard to know why your friend wasn’t encouraging without knowing how she perceives you at the moment. Does she see you as a big drinker? Think Dryfeb may be right in that she doesn’t see it as a big deal and so was a bit unsure as to how to react.
Well done to you for day 7 AF!
Dryfeb well done for 7 days AF too.
Rosegold well done for 3 days AF. Sounds like you had a difficult day and still managed to cope without drinking. You must feel good about yourself for that.
Day 5 for me today and I will not be drinking.
Good luck everybody for Saturday - the most dangerous day of the week for me!

Have to say I find it really helpful to read the experiences and feelings of those babes who have been alcohol free for some time such as Margie and Saywhen Thank you!

Morning all babes and bears...I was asleep just after 9 and slept through to 5.45. Would have liked it to be longer since it's Saturday buy hey ho, if necessary I'll have a power nap this PM!

Day 7 dawns...for me if I get through to day (well not if, when - I won't be drinking today) it will be the longest I've gone without a beer since February 2014. Which is quite astonishing! After that, whilst living abroad, I went into moderation mode to make new friends, and I think I will have drunk at least once a week over that time.

venus - I have been reading the original thread from the beginning and I am now on v2 from 2010. I see you were on it since the beginning, have you been alcohol free for all that time? Sorry if you've mentioned already but I can't remember.

Back then there seemed to be a lot more talk about AA and 'alcoholics' (a term I'm not massively keen on). It seems to have petered out now! Obviously nothing wrong with AA, I've been a couple of times myself, but it's not for me.

Mrscaindingle - on the subject of friends. I wouldn't let this first convo put you off - what you need to remember is that both you and your friends will be going through the change curve as people get used to new situations. She may have been shocked and it will take her a bit of time to assimilate. If she doesn't drink much, then I would just park it and have another chat with her next time...ask her how she's feeling about you not drinking on hols, because you're determined and you'd like her support.

Heavy drinking friends are another matter though. The reality is they may no longer have to be a part of your life for two reasons. This has happened to me with one close friend since 2013.

I had a holiday with her totally drink free and it was very very uncomfortable. We got through it but as my old drinking mucker it just highlighted her heaving wine consumption - she was really unhappy that I would rather go to bed earlyish and be up for a run early doors before the beach. Later that year her husband kept saying to her 'why can't you be like Twat and stop / cut down your drinking'. It was all quite awks.

We carried on being friends into 2014 but with the clarity of me no longer having my wine goggles on, I saw some unpleasant character traits (including compulsive lying, frequent unreliability and not turning up to agreed meets) that I wasn't too keen on and which I'd been glossing over, and decided to cut the cord.

I do still miss her at times but overall I no I made the right decision as on balance, the drinking and the other stuff are something I don't want in my life. Often when we're drinking we don't have headspace to think clearly about this type of stuff!

Anyway I'm rambling, just a bit of my experience of giving up the vino for nearly 5 years now...x

Morning all. Have just woken up and been for a huge pee. Anyone else notice that you pee properly in the morning when you haven't had a load of drinks the night before? Feels like it's how my body is supposed to work.

Last night I had one (not huge) glass of white wine while I cooked dinner. Then no more. So not an AF day for me - but a massive change to my usual way of going about Fridays. Who am I kidding - Fridays were no different to any other night. I always fell head first into a bucket of wine any and every night of the week. That's what I want to stop doing.

So, one glass - not an AF day then, but I felt in control. Helped that I had to drive after dinner to pick up DD. But I realise I like the feeling of being sober. I'm not sure I will like it in every situation - meeting up with friends who are drinking, coping with family gatherings, etc. But let's see what happens.

One of my issues - being very honest - is that I find people who don't drink a bit tedious. I feel judged, I think - but probably I'm judging myself. Still though, in my head - and in my experience - alcohol drives connection. The best conversations are the ones over a few drinks. My uptight SIL puts her hand over her glass - 'not for me!' - and stays tight-lipped and doesn't say much to anyone. If not drinking means being like her, I can't see it being for me!

Morning babes ,
Wow! This bus is speeding along.

whirly have a look at some of the sober blogs, they’re really good for answering the ‘what ifs’ and help to change the way we think about drink.

I cant keep up with everyone but ma a DH with manflu is enough to drive any sane woman to consider murder. Sheesh!

The article was really good small especially how drinking just gets under your skin.

Today is Day 6 and today I will not be drinking.

Morning All, I've rather rashly booked two classes at the gym today, one after the other - I'll be too weak to lift a glass to my lips, even if I want to .

Ma, I suppose, if I can the booze Lazarus would be equally apt! I Didn't like the full 'Lathyrus odoratus', I'm planning to have lots of them this year, hence the seed catalogues!

Twattage, discussion of AA has come and gone on the bus, but yes, much less now than in the early days, if I remember rightly MIFLAW was a big advocate, which drove some of the discussion. I think about going occasionally, but always find an excuse not to .

Whirly I think the connection between socialising and drinking is very strong, but the uptight SiL probably doesn't drink because she fears loss of control, rather than not drinking making her uptight. Some people are just like that. Three years ago I did the whole period from DJ to Mother's Day 70-something days, to begin with I probably was a little reserved (but I was also suffering depression), but after a while I realised that those who were drinking weren't thinking about me, they were mostly oblivious, that made it easier to relax and join in, and even eventually to dance - sober dancing is a revelation! Did I judge people who were drinking? Well not as such, not for their drinking, but I did occasionally reflect on how bloody boring my DH could be by the end of a night.

Welcome aboard MrsC, don't worry about your friend, there is lots of time for the dynamic to change, and for you probably best not to project too far ahead.

Rose well done. Once you are clear of the first few days, you may find that you are able to be more patient with DS, wine is an instant fix, sobriety is a long-term one.

Mint I've made you a honey and lemon drink, get it down you and stay cuddled up. ,Waves to all the other Babes I don't have time to nc>

Off to the gym, see you later. Today is a day I will not drink.

Whirlytastic
I was up and down during the night thanks to all the water I drank yesterday! Best bit is my wee doesn't smell of sugar puffs anymore and is a proper colour!
Sorry if TMI first thing in the morning!
I can't remember who first brought it up, but I'm happy to report my bowels are almost normal again too!
So starts Day 12.

Morning all. Just to continue the toilet theme, I bought some high-vitamin B tablets as recommended by someone on here and was startled to realise that they make your wee actual luminous yellow (cause only discovered after a frantic Google about "could drinking too much wine make your wee bright yellow" )
Today I will be visiting a pottery painting cafe and eating the world's best pizza at our favourite tiny pizza restaurant. I will NOT be drinking.