Blackmail

[user21]

It’s tricky for me to go into detail but I think I may have just done this.

Has anyone else ever found themselves in this situation on either side for whatever reason?

I feel uneasy 😟

those in the know call me Binary

And smart arses like me call you 33.

It was my therapist who used the word blackmail.

I never asked for advice. I asked for people to share their experiences from both sides. Some posters have done this and it’s been very useful so I’m grateful to them. Thank you.

I don’t see myself as superior to any other poster. I couldn’t remember how many 00’s or 11s there were in the username and it wouldn’t copy as it was numbers.

Are you the one doing the blackmailing? If so brace yourself for a visit from the police as it is illegal. Or are you being blackmailed! In which case, are you bothered about it being out in the open.

It all seems vague and tbh I couldn’t be bothered to read it all as the post just seems goady and pathetic.

I have come experience of this many many years ago and I can say without question that this will damage you and your integrity the most in the end.
It is important how you feel about yourself, if you want to be a decent human being or not.
If it is criminal, dangerous to others or can impact innocent people you need to forget about the threat and speak up for the RIGHT reasona.
If you are inflicting hurt for revenge or other reasons then it is likely to backfire.
Your call, but you need to be able to look yourself in the eye.

Thank you user1474652148
Your post is very helpful to me x

Violethaze that’s dispicable 💐

user21 in your heart of hearts can you answer this question truthfully.

Whatever you plan to do, does this person really really deserve to have this done to them?

Op, you have clearly got a lot wrong in your life (as have many others) focus on your own integrity and authenticity at all times, imagine having to explain your actions to children. Look yourself in the face and judge yourself by your own actions.

Stop looking for others stories to make yourself feel better and be a better person yourself.

Whatever you plan to do, does this person really really deserve to have this done to them?
Absolutely yes.

Hissy it’s mostly for my children I’m doing this. Thank you for your posts.

Despite the criticism this thread has actually been very helpful.

Thanks for answering. I just think you have to look to yourself, to search deep, and try and impartially decide whether you are doing the right thing. If you are righting some wrongs and it means for instance ... his children don't get affected by your actions, maybe that's OK.

As everyone else has said, it is really really hard to say when you don't know the details.

Something tells me that if you said what it was, I might be saying 'is that all? I thought it was something evil or serious!'

You’ve been in therapy for the two years since discovering your h’s affair...

Two years on, despite having apparently renewed your commitment by renewing vows on the anniversary following discovery, you are using emotional blackmail to try and coerce him into doing something you want him to do?

Just end this marriage @user21.... Emotional blackmail (or cheating for that matter) shouldn’t have any part in a marriage, if he doesn’t want to treat you how you need to be treated he doesn’t want to.

You’re threatening their father?

Trust me, this won’t end well.

Rise above, deal with the shit that must be dealt with and stop looking to validate revenge

OP said this man is not her partner.

I was assuming it's either a family member, or her boss/colleague. However if she's doing it FOR her children's sake I don't think it can be work-related.

OP I think from the hints you've given, it sounds more like you've given an ultimatum than blackmailed someone. In that case I think whatever your "threat" is, as long as it won't endanger your safety (mental or physical) or harm innocent people, you should carry it through.

User21 you say blackmail, coercion, whatever.
It's not whatever, it really isn't. Blackmail and coercion are serious attempts to cross the law.
Emotional blackmail and coercion are very different.

I'm guessing the man in question is her ex husband and it's to do with infidelity.

OP you feel uneasy for a reason. You aren't after advice which is fine. But really what do you want people to say? Yes go ahead and blackmail him it'll all be fine?

Not sure about the blackmailing issue.

But wow, you’re certainly an attention seeker OP!

I thought it was 23?

Are you sure it's not whistle-blowing, OP. Someone mentions upthread re the computer scenario.

Blackmail is illegal. Similarly, emotional abuse within an intimate relationship is now also a criminal offence.

If you think you've done something, you probably have.

Coercive behaviour also is abusive, illegal.

Even if he doesn't reply you to the police, you are doing something very wrong. Is he abusing you?

I’m lost

If you’re debating over something like whether to report him for abuse or nonpayment of child support, then it’s not blackmail. Those aren’t the kind of secrets you need to keep.

If it’s threatening to make some sort of bad behaviour public (you said you would be doing it for your kids?) then you need to ask yourself

1. is it something that needs to be made public? Is anyone hurt by not knowing?

1. What is it you are hoping to gain? Is it something that should rightfully be yours?

It isn’t always morally wrong to issue an ultimatum- it depends on your motives.

“If you don’t start paying child maintenance, I’ll tell the kids you had an affair and let them decide whether they still want to see you.”

“You haven’t paid child maintenance in six years, if you don’t give me $10k from your recent inheritance I’ll dob you to the tax service for the cash jobs you do.”

“If you don’t start seeing the kids more regularly, I’ll go for full custody on the basis that you smoke marijuana daily, which I have evidence of.”

It’ll be something like that, I reckon.

OP, if it’s not against the law and it’s truly TRULY about doing the best by your kids rather than getting revenge on an ex, stand your ground and go through with it. Just don’t lie to yourself about your motives.

My emotionally abusive ex husband used his position as a pillar of the community to publicly humiliate me when I left. He washed our dirty laundry in public as he had threatened to do to the extent that I was ashamed to speak to anyone who knew me, to meet the eyes of strangers...acquaintances snubbed me and tutted that i had abandoned him, ruined his life. People unfriended me on fbook. So yes he caused me all kinds of pain and damage. Maybe i deserved to be punished for abandoning him, but his own behaviour was so unspeakable that he wouldnt be in his current job if i had made that public ( its not sexual abuse or anything that would endanger others). My point is, op, that Our children were hugely damaged by this, the same people snubbed them too. So before you set the cat among the pigeons consider are you being motivated by spite or revenge or do you genuinely foresee a positive outcome? Spite and revenge have left my ex husband bitter, twisted, angry still. And secondly, that stone you throw into a pond has ripples, think of this man's children, his mother, will they be punished too? I'm not a good christian, i am a crappy one, and I don't go around pushing my beliefs onto other people, but there is a story you might want to consider about Christ seeing a woman about to be stoned to death for cheating on her husband. He said "let he who is without sin amongst you cast the first stone".

Covering for him was a choice, just as whatever you call what you've doing, is a choice. If he won't leave you alone, contact the Police.

I suspect the 'whatever you call what your doing' gave you a false sense of strength and now you've not feeling it. Walk away and detach or continue playing the game, the choice is yours.