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Original poster

Talk me down - new boyfriend gone AWOL

123 replies

hotchpotch7 · 02/12/2017 19:11

New boyfriend (of three months) hasn't replied to a message since 8pm yesterday.

I messaged him at 11pm and he didn't respond. Sent an unrelated text today asking how his day was at 4pm and he hasn't responded!

It hasn't been read but he has been online.

In my worry I can think of two outcomes:

1 - he's doing a DIY project this weekend. Could be absorbed in that.

2 - he's gone on another date/doesn't want to talk to me.

Help me get perspective please!

OP posts:
kittensinmydinner1 · 02/12/2017 20:05

Sorry but if a man wants to talk to you he will. No one is ever too busy they just have their own priorities. Let's be honest if you really want to speak to someone you can send a text while you're having a wee. If you've been together 3 months he is choosing not to contact. I am nearly always in the don't LTB camp as I think MN posters see abuse at every turn and encourage relationship splits too easily- but I wouldn't stand for this nonsense. You are simply worth more.

Original poster
hotchpotch7 · 02/12/2017 20:09

The only legitimate excuse I can think of is that our messages are quite long and involved. Not normally just a 'hi, how are you' type.

OP posts:
Annelind · 02/12/2017 20:16

OP, I understand why you're looking for excuses, but just don't. He's been online, so obvs has time for others. Put your phone away, and find something to take your mind off it. You are giving him far more headspace than he is giving you!

Migraleve · 02/12/2017 20:17

He has been online so that tells you what you need to know. He is a a knob.

Koala72 · 02/12/2017 20:21

Totally bizarre you can't call him.

Original poster
hotchpotch7 · 02/12/2017 20:22

Finally replied and apologised for not getting back to me - he said he's been engrossed in his building work all day.

OP posts:
zoomer445 · 02/12/2017 20:23

Message back and ask who he was messaging while he was so busy?

Justmuddlingalong · 02/12/2017 20:23

But with time to be online to others? Hmm

JaneEyre70 · 02/12/2017 20:25

I hope you haven't replied........!

SoleBizzz · 02/12/2017 20:26

This relationship will not end well

Gemini69 · 02/12/2017 20:28

Message back and ask who he was messaging while he was so busy?

THIS ..... with bells on Flowers

ferrier · 02/12/2017 20:30

Alternatively, chill, accept that sometimes he has other priorities, and just see how the relationship pans out.

Original poster
hotchpotch7 · 02/12/2017 20:30

What about the fact that I often don't reply to him even if I'm online?

OP posts:
Therealjudgejudy · 02/12/2017 20:32

Sorry but this relationship sounds totally juvenile. And too needy.

CandiedPeach · 02/12/2017 20:33

Message back and ask who he was messaging while he was so busy?

If my bf of a few months messaged me that or asked who I’d been online to. All because I didn’t reply straight away, I’d be thinking massive red flags!

He’s been busy doing work (he might have been messaging someone regarding what he was doing, quite common with diy jobs if you have friends who’ve done similar jobs)
Op says their messages are usually long so not just a “hi, bye, yes, no” conversation and he might not have had time for that.

Also in the nicest possible way, a few months in my bf is not the most important person in my life.

KittiKat · 02/12/2017 20:33

What about the fact that I often don't reply to him even if I'm online?

Now I am really, really bored. How old are you? Hmm

You don't bother to reply to his texts, so he is just treating you like you treat him. Both as bad as each other.

zoomer445 · 02/12/2017 20:34

If you don't reply to him that's fine but you can't complain when he does the same?

Justmuddlingalong · 02/12/2017 20:36

Is this your 1st relationship?

TidyLike · 02/12/2017 20:36

Ignore the doom laden comments. From this one thing happening you can’t conclude that there is something to worry about. He might just have lost track of time and wanted to reply to you when he was a bit more relaxed. Could have gone online to look at DIY stuff or just to faff. Could be planning a Xmas surprise for you.

Or he might be shagging his way around town, like some are suggesting - but really, there’s no good reason to believe that. Imagine saying all this stuff to him (‘But I checked and you were online! People on mumsnet say you’re cheating! We really need to discuss where we stand!’) and how much of a psycho you’d look :p If he makes a habit of it, time for a chat. But no big deal at this stage.

CremeFresh · 02/12/2017 20:36

What about the fact that I often don't reply to him even if I'm online

Well you can't really complain if he's just done the same to you , can you ?

Original poster
hotchpotch7 · 02/12/2017 20:39

No it's not my first relationship I'm in my thirties! Generally quite laid back but I'm getting so much conflicting advice I think I'm getting confused.

OP posts:
ChinwagCharlieBear · 02/12/2017 20:39

If your messages are long I would think he didn't have enough time to sit down and reply.

When my DP and I had been together for 3 months we would send long, long messages to one another but we'd take hours to reply as it was something you had to sit down and think about. In the mean time we'd often send the other a quick funny photo/comment etc. It didn't bother either of us, we were secure and relaxed.

If all is going well I would probably accept his excuse of being busy for now.

burntup · 02/12/2017 20:40

I'm married. Never had an affair. Often forget to get back to my husband because I'm busy doing something else. Chill out.

DivisionBelle · 02/12/2017 20:47

“Message back and ask who he was messaging while he was so busy?”

If I got that message I would see a red flag for high maintenance neediness, one for passive aggression , one for posessiveness and I wouldn’t like being stalked either.

Dagnabit · 02/12/2017 20:52

Holiday home sounds like other home - as in, with another partner or wife...and maybe children. Have you been to this holiday home? I would expect to spend time with my bf at a weekend and for my messages to be answered reasonably quickly. Doesn't sound right to me.

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