Talk me down - new boyfriend gone AWOL

[hotchpotch7]

New boyfriend (of three months) hasn't replied to a message since 8pm yesterday.

I messaged him at 11pm and he didn't respond. Sent an unrelated text today asking how his day was at 4pm and he hasn't responded!

It hasn't been read but he has been online.

In my worry I can think of two outcomes:

1 - he's doing a DIY project this weekend. Could be absorbed in that.

2 - he's gone on another date/doesn't want to talk to me.

Help me get perspective please!

Just leave it.

He'll either contact you soon; with an apology and a decent reason for not replying sooner, or he won't.

You know he's not dead or stranded; he's been online so he's managing to communicate with someone. He's likely fine. There's nothing more you need to do at this point. Refrain from contacting him; and when he rocks up again, decide if this is a relationship you want to be having.

Wtf he doesnt even want to talk to you on the phone? Dont like that.
Lucky he's not your BF then! I don't like talking on the phone, and almost no one calls me, tho I message friends a lot and they message me. One friend of 10 years has called me once, in that whole time - she was really upset, and in a public place, and needed me to talk to calm her ( and that was fine of course), but it not part of our dynamic to ever phone normally.
I don't think its sinister, we're all different.

It must be hard to wait, but I think you need to, he could have a family crisis, or anything, and you just have to wait and see.

I personally do not like talking on the phone.

Dh only calls if he needs to otherwise we whats app or text. Its just something i have never liked doing.

We have 2 dc are married and have been together for 7 years i have no other partner so this could be innocent esp since its only been 3 hours.

You seem low on his list of priorities. And you're OK with that?

This happened to me in the past. Three months is a significant amount of time to be together. Especially if you spend a lot of time together. I get why you're feeling anxious.

What's the situ with you both? Any recent long-term exes?

I see him a few times per week. No recent exes.

"how do I bin him off though?"

You do the exact thing he's doing to you, just cease contact

Fuck that - life's too short.

Try to find something to do, that either keeps u really busy, or that you'll enjoy a lot, to take your mind off him. Don't text him again til Sunday night I reckon. Then you could just say you're concerned after hearing nothing all weekend, and ask him to confirm he's OK.

Ok he's just been online so I don't think he's on another date. Still hasn't read my message though!

Could he have injured himself doing the DIY project?

Haha no... I think you're clutching at straws now.

I actually thought everyone here would berate me for being paranoid and needy but actually no, this isn't the sort of relationship I want.

What Anchor said.

When your message comes up on his phone, he sees a synopsis of it. He knows you have texted! He is deliberately ignoring you. Ghosting is the phrase.

You know that by 'hasn't read my message' he will have read it. It's either flashed up on his phone and he's read it or if he's got an iPhone he's pulled the front screen and read it there without opening it? It's so disingenuous to say 'I didn't read your message' because you do read it. You just don't open it.

People who do this are rude headfuckers who get some kind of thrill from ignoring someone. It's awful behaviour. It literally takes 1 minute to acknowledge a text. 60 secs. If you can't do that you aren't worth my time.

Stop watching whether he’s online or not! The man is ignoring you. Take the hint and do the same, he doesn’t deserve the amount of brain-space you’re giving him right now.

Go see a friend/watch a movie/workout/do yourself a home pamper session or whatever else it takes to distract you. Put your phone in a drawer and you can’t get it out until the morning.

Go! Put your phone in a drawer!

Now!

He might not have read it, he doesn't have message previews on his phone and neither do I. Even for WhatsApp. Just shows the persons name.

But he will know that I've text him.

Go out and stop thinking

(And yes I'm projecting because I'm dealing with one at the mo! Sorry OP but you are worth so much more than this shit.)

Why the panic? It's only been one day...take a breath and don't do anything rash.
That's the problem with mobiles these days...everyone is expected to be accessible 24/7.

If he won't ever see you on a Saturday then he's not serious about you.

His phone could be lost, if he is busy he might just not even look at it.

You say the message hasn't been read, so this seems likely to me.

I often don't look at mu phone for HOURS.

And I can't bear people who demand an instant reply.

Can' believe that so many people say 'end it' , an so far happy relationship of 3 months, because he hasn't, while v busy, replied to a text for a few hours.

Bonkers.

I mean he MIGHT be going off you, these things happen, but I wouldn't jump to conclusions after a few hours.

And don't tell him: Personally would be totally put off this kind of clingy panic.

I'm not seeing him today because he has a holiday home and is currently renovating it - it's nowhere near the city we live in.

I have been to the house though so not a lie.

Hmmmm it seems that something's amiss otherwise you'd not be feeling like this. Hopefully he contacts you later and puts your mind at ease x

Put your phone in a drawer and do something to distract yourself. If he's read your messages and not replied, he doesn't want to. Don't send anything else until/if you've heard from him.