Is it possible for someone to have an emotional affair with an entire family?

[HowRyou]

Will add details later. Just wondering if it is possible.

I commented a while back, I can't believe she's still not home. This is a disgrace. She is behaving disgustingly and your poor dd not having her mum there on the run up to Christmas and having no idea if she will have her mum there on Christmas. Don't know how she can sleep at night.

It's going to be hard on my own but i will try my best. My 7 year old has adhd and needs constant attention. We have a dog, cat, gerbils and fish to feed. Hope she comes home tomorrow.

Not looking for sympathy but just saying

I think you deserve some sympathy and people have been very harsh on you. It's not as if you can go and drag her back. What you're going through must be very difficult.

Harsh? Telling someone to grow up, have some self respect and dignity and look after their child isn't harsh, it's for the OPS own good, walking around like a love sick labrador is doing no one any good, time to face up to real life which is not a fairytale!

It’s no harsher than the thread about the woman who is letting her h pick between her and the OW TBF...

And it is not about forcing his wife to come back... in this thread and the other people keep pointing out this kind of passive behaviour and desperation to keep a shitty relationship is not the important thing, it’s the kids and doing what is best for them.

No one it's telling him that to drag her back, if you read the posts its the exact opposite of that.

What does it do to a child when a mum doesn't come home?

I'd consider calling social services to get a bit of additional support. You sound like you're struggling and perhaps the involvement of professionals could scare your wife into realising what she's doing.

I couldn't be friends with somebody who abandoned their child. For this reason I think these friends are probably not very nice people and probably something you'd watch on Jeremy Kyle.

HowRyou

That you need to ask a question like that makes me wonder if all this is just some attention seeking exercise for you!! What do you think it's done to your daughter? Here's a clue, her self esteem will be in tatters, she'll wonder if somehow it's something that she's done that makes mum stay away when of course it's not. Has your wife come home?

Does anyone else read this like someone very childish is writing the OP posts? Wanting the wife back to sort out the wildlife and a smiley face? WTAF?

StaplesCorner
That's why I'm wondering if any of the this is true, seems very strange that a grown up mature person would fish for sympathy in this way.

She came back yesterday. My daughter was very happy. I think she was stressed out with housework and looking after our DD and everything. I'm trying to help out more so this doesnt happen again. I'm pissed that she never actually spoke to me to tell me how she was feeling. How can we fix thing's if we don't communicate. Now....

She said that she needs to spend one night a week at her friends house to have a break from everything. I said why not go for the day and come back at night but she said no. I think she means that she needs one night a week or she might might walk out again. I guess this is blackmail?

Why the night? She said its more time away rather than the day. Wtf

She's controlling you op. She can do whatever she likes and you have to fall in line. You need to sack her off because she'll be doing permanent damage to your DD, my mum was similar and I wish my dad had stood up to her for me.
One night a week to go out and do things isn't too crazy though if I hadn't read the rest of the thread.
I think you need to set some rules and tell her that her actions have consequences. With my mum she left when I was 15 anyway and her behaviour ruined my whole childhood and then my dad was so broken I had to pick up the pieces. I will reiterate how unfair this is to a child, please, please set some rules and tell her she can't just fuck you both over.
On the flip side, I think everyone needs time to themselves so I'd 'allow' her to have one day away as long as she isn't randomly disappearing and also tell her you need some time away as well so it's even and she's not the one controlling this. Also helping with housework should be a given so yes maybe she was feeling overwhelmed. I wish you luck but it doesn't sound like she cares about you or your DD.

@HowRyou

Your daughter needs stability, not a parent who keeps waltzing in and out of her life.

It really sounds like perhaps it would be better for your daughter to be seeing her mum at the weekends and having some sort of structure.

Maybe this harsh but the reason she is probably coming back at all is because of your daughter, I would hazard an assumption that if it was just you and her then she would be gone for good.

You need to take control of your finances because when she disappears again, you need to make sure you won’t be financially in the shit.

And she will disappear again.

I have empathy that she is probably going through some shit but at this moment in time your priority is your daughter and ensuring she has some sort of relationship with her mum. Because this is all dysfunctional.

I think you should separate, OP. Hard as it might be, this situation is good for nobody.

Put your DD first - stability & routine & predictable parenting is key for ADHD. Create that as separated parents.

Hi NoSquirrels, you are right about routine and adhd. Let's see what happens. I've helped out alot over the last three weeks so hopefully things get better. Will wait and see.

Thanks

Urgh... Why ‘let’s see what happens’ when you’ve just acknowledged your DD’s particular vulnerabilities mean you have less luxury to ‘see what happens’ and when you’ve already allowed this to go on for an age.

Put your child first not your relationship.

The reason why I say you should separate is that she is dictating terms to you of her involvement in family life, and that is a shit way to live. She’ll continue to rewrite the “rules”, holding your DD’s emotions hostage every time.

It’s toxuc.

Added to which, you work night shifts, and she’s demanding a night away from home every week.

And you can’t communicate with her.

Healthy relationships are not like this.

Get out now. Make the decision. She can then have plenty of time off if you both share care 50% for your DD.

toxuc = toxic, obviously!

I know this advice is falling on deaf ears. But still, for the sake of your DD I think you need to keep hearing it.

I only hope that you wake up soon!! By the sound of things (if any of this is true) she can do what she wants and you'll just take it. You ask for advice, you're given it and you ignore it, if it was only you I'd say you deserve everything you get but you have a child, her needs are being ignored while you and your wife play out some ridiculous pantomime of life. You both should be seriously ashamed of yourselves.

HowRYou - both you and your wife seem incapable of prioritising your child over your own agendas. Do you have any family or friends who could actually make you face up to your joint responsibilities? Or maybe you could ask your GP or your DD's school to put some family support in place so that you can access parenting support, because you are both coming across as utterly witless.

I'd be very surprised if the school hasn't picked up on the shocking way that the two adults who are supposed to put this little girl first above all else are seriously failing her. They are totally self obsessed and have very little if any idea of the harm they are doing to her, this little girl it's going to need help to get over their neglect.

When you say she controls the finances but she dooesnt work and you are on a zero hours contract I presume you mean the benefits are paid into her account.

Next time she walks out call child benefit, tax credits, housing benefit etc people (don't know who is relevant for you) and tell them she has moved out and money needs to be paid into your account as you are the resident parent.

Hi all, my wife was away since the new year i think. It went like this...2 weeks away, 1 week back, 3 weeks away, 1 day back, 4 days away and came back yesterday. Theres not been much contact. She told me two days ago that she had feelings for the son of the women she was staying with. I never really knew why she was there. It was a mix of depression, supporting friends depression and the family. She has spent a lot of time at her friends. She sleeps in the sons bed and wear his shirt. He sleeps on the coach when she stays. But he plays his xbox on the end of the bed while she sleeps. She told me she had feelings for him for around 1 and a half months. Not sure how to deal with it.