Is it possible for someone to have an emotional affair with an entire family?

[HowRyou]

Will add details later. Just wondering if it is possible.

In life you only get treated the way you allow people to treat you. Why are you allowing this to to happen? You are being a doormat and if you can't toughen up for your own sake then do it for your daughters sake.

She has to wait 2 weeks to see someone. Not sure if it's the gp or someone else. I don't think she will be back on Christmass. It's my daughters xmas play on Friday. She didn't even leave any money. She controlls the finaces.

Nomoretears56, i tryed to get tough and it didn't work.

HowRyou I'm sorry for you I really am but try harder, get angry, she's left you and your daughter without money, how bloody dare she!! How are you supposed to manage Christmas? Do you know the house where she is staying? If so go there, don't cause trouble because at the the moment you're all your daughter has but let her know you need cash and after you get it tell her to FUCK RIGHT OFF! No she can't waltz in and out of her marriage unless you permit it and as long as you keep laying down to her she'll keep walking all over you!

A present for her friend just arrived. It's a pillow with there photo saying "Friends become our chosen familiy". I don't think she is coming. She said she wasn't going to do this again without telling me and our daughter. But she lied and had no intention in coming back. She was supposed to go there for a family meeting and come back. Sounds crazy i know

Hopefully she will find happiness there but i don't think even that will be enough for her.

You don't have to hit someone to scare, intimidate and upset them. I would imagine that your anger problems have a lot to do with her not wanting to spend time at home I'm not buying that. She has, to all intents & purposes, abandoned her child. You don't do that if your partner is abusive.

Hi differentnameforthis, i've made mistakes and i admit that but she said this is nothing to do with that. It was years ago. I think shes just moved on. She always wanted more and was never greatfull for the things she had. I think she was searching for a family that she didn't have growing up. And she found it.

I thinks all my fault. I should of been more loving and caring throughout the relationship. Things were getting so much better but i left it too late. I asked if she could visit for us for few hours a day or everyother day to see us or even a few mins at the door as i need to give her that present that came in the mail. Hope she replys.

Oh for fuck sake!!!

This is no environment for a child.

Both of you grow up and start focusing on DD.

OP, your wife is behaving appallingly, but I agree with other posters who say they for your daughter's sake you need to get tough, inform You wife that she can visit on x day for x hours, that she needs to transfer money immediately and she is not welcome home unless/until you've had relationship counselling to agree how to be good partners and parents.

You owe it to your daughter to resolve this and enable the two of you to have some happiness and a stress free Christmas.

She is behaving terribly, I'm afraid that you are allowing her to.

Look, this is just weird. What family wants a random 30 year old woman staying for 2 weeks at Christmas and pretending to be the sister of their teenage daughter? Are you sure she isn't in a relationship with the friend?

You can't sit like a wet lettuce saying "I hope she comes back". I'd be asking her to come back and seek help for her issues or not to bother at all.

OP - you need a big shake. If she's not coming back to parent your DD, a 7 year old who wasn't enough for her mum, less than 2 weeks before Christmas, then you need to end the marriage.

I agree with the poster above saying that you are enabling this situation, at your DD's cost. Is there any family or friends at all you can get support from in RL? Is your house in joint names?

If she is genuinely ill then she can move out and seek help, but I think she's just very childish and entitled. You need to get legal advice, start with your local CAB and see if they have a drop in this week or next before Christmas.

Oh I want to cry for your DD

No she doesnt work but i do night shift zero hour contract. So i have taken time off work. She is meeting me today. How do i approach this and make her see sense????

Please help

You can’t make her see sense.

You need to see sense.

Going now....hope it works out.

How did it go? As for you asking for help well you've had the same advice from lots of posters here. It really is ridiculous to keep ignoring the help you've been given and asking for more, the definition of stupid is to keep doing the same thing over and over over and expecting a different result each time! I'm not trying to be cruel, you have a 7yr old daughter, what do you think you and your wife are teaching her by behaving like a pair of idiots? Your wife is off doing God knows what with God knows who and all you can do is snivel and behave like a doormat. I feel so sorry for your child. For God sake grow a set of balls and be a man because if I was married to someone as needy as you I would run a mile!!!

Actually beginning to wonder if this is true, I'm finding it more and more difficult to believe that someone has such a complete and utter lack of self respect and dignity that they would allow themselves and their child to be treated so badly and to almost beg for more!!!

Hi Nomoretears56, your absolutely right. I need to grow up and take control for my daughter's sake. She said she is coming back tomorrow but if not i will take charge and look after my daughter they way she deserves to be treated.

Thankyou!

Hallelujah!!!

I think it’s a shame gender was brought into this because it isn’t anything to do with being a man. It’s to do with being a responsible parent IMO.

And yes that does mean taking control and not being such a passive observer of your wife’s crappy behaviour.

You should have drawn a line way before now but it is somewhat positive you have decided you are going to draw a line if she doesn’t come back tomorrow.

You need to think through what drawing a line actually looks like though.

Some suggestions;

• sort out a job/hours that are workable without relying on your wife for childcare.

• make it clear to her that she is not to come back to your house now she has left.

• get her to commit to regular contact with your daughter that is both suitable for dd’s needs and sustainable from your wife and your perspective.

• make sure you sure up those things where possible/necessary by formalising them - end joint claims, set up single claims, sort out single tenancy etc get contact agreement in writing (email?).

Why is she controlling the money? Is it your earnings? Because she doesn't work.

Does she have family? Have you told them what's going on?

Get the money situation sorted out quickly.

Offred

I think it’s a shame gender was brought into this because it isn’t anything to do with being a man. It’s to do with being a responsible parent IMO.

I agree but he needed a kick up the backside and I was becoming increasingly frustrated to think that anyone (man or woman) would allow this behaviour to continue and do nothing.