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Original poster

How bad is what he did?

112 replies

chipsky · 29/11/2017 20:41

My BF of six years just got back from a boys trip to Amsterdam. I had no problem with him going as I trusted him. Even though at the beginning of our relationship he did cheat, and we broke up, eventually got back together, and a long time after, I learned to trust him again.
Anyway, he gets back form Amsterdam, and he tells me that his friends were calling him "the grandfather" as he was the most sensible one. This got to him one night, and he admitted to me that his friends went to visit prostitutes, and to impress them he also paid for one and went to her room. He told me that nothing happened, that he just went in, hung up his coat, sat on the bed, talked to her for a minute, and then she made him leave when she realised nothing was going to happen. He's happy for his friends to believe that he slept with her.
I just think that the whole situation is extremely messed up. Firstly, I can't believe that he would set foot in one of those places, I also can't believe that he can act so disrespectful to me around his friends. And finally, I can't believe that his friends encourage him to cheat on me (He said they were pushing him to do it), and that they now believe that he does so. Also, I'll never know what happened in that room, but for some reason I do believe him, as he really had no reason (that I know of) to tell me.
What do you guys think? Am I just being extremely naive?

OP posts:
Pinkpillows · 29/11/2017 21:52

Paying a woman for sex too impress his friends? Called grandad for what reason? He wasn't sensible

Leave get a sti check

Imsorrynow · 29/11/2017 21:54

Even if you believe his version of events 100%, he still comes out of this sorry saga a complete loser.

doubleshotespresso · 29/11/2017 21:55

So his priority over you was to impress his friends?

Is he 15?

OP I really think you know this already- you deserve better

MissBax · 29/11/2017 21:55

Get the hell out of it OP! Nows your chance.

Original poster
chipsky · 29/11/2017 21:56

The other guys who went were all single, and I haven't spent much time with them in the past. The other friends who I do know and hang out with cancelled at the last minute and didn't end up going.

Eugh, I think I knew the answer before I posted this but I just needed to hear it from others.
You're right. Definitely leaving him, regardless of whether or not anything happened, he's treated me like shit either way.

OP posts:
Gacapa · 29/11/2017 21:57

I don't think it actually matters - in terms of your relationship - whether he stared at the wallpaper or used this woman for transactional sex.

Either way, he and his friends are a bunch of rancid, bovine arseholes and I feel genuinely sorry that for whatever reason(s) your bar is set so low.

Insomnibrat · 29/11/2017 21:58

I am sorry OP, this sucks big time.

Gacapa · 29/11/2017 21:58

Just seen you're leaving him.

Good. And best of luck.

Ontheboardwalk · 29/11/2017 21:58

The fact he’s happy for his mates to think he’s cheated on you is shocking.

I wouldn’t trust him or any of them again

I went on a 'boys trip' to Amsterdam (even though I’m not a boy) it was all bravado walking to the red light district. There was some slapping on the backs for the first five minutes then we all got depressed by the whole experience and found a pub far away to have a drink. I believe people hang around and enjoy the district for a reason.

AnyFucker · 29/11/2017 22:01

Thank Christ for that

madwoman1ntheatt1c · 29/11/2017 22:03

Do them all a favour and bin him. That way his 'mates' might think twice about encouraging each other to shag around, and THEIR wives and girlfriends might reap the benefit of their new found wisdom.

If you don't bin him, you are essentially condoning the behaviour of all of them.

Look, I've been to a huge number of red light districts in the company of many many different groups of blokes (work related). I drink beer with them. Then I fuck off back to the hotel because it's all a bit grim. Usually a few of the married blokes come back with me and we have another beer. There are always a few of the single lads essentially daring each other to have a go. It's tiresome and revolting. And I usually have to listen to the post mortem the next day. You'd be surprised how many of them claim that x, y and z happened and they didn't ACTUALLY shag (especially when I am in earshot - the truly gross ones just brag and don't give a shit). Even if true, it doesn't actually change the truly gross lead-up, egging each other on, and handing over of cash. Even IF true, he still believed that it was appropriate to claim you were going for a shag, and that such a transaction was perfectly fine in the context of a boy's weekend. Detachment rules. What happens in Amsterdam, stays in Amsterdam. Bleuch.

Just nope. Walk away. Tell him you aren't interested in a loser that succumbs to peer pressure and that you think his mates are tiresome little ball bags. And that you'll be making sure all their wives and girlfriends are aware they need to get STD checked too.

Aminuts23 · 29/11/2017 22:03

Absolute disrespect for you and your relationship no matter where the truth lies. You’re right to leave. I would

merrykate · 29/11/2017 22:04

The issue for me is that he hangs around with losers who shag prostitutes and has no backbone to say "you know what, lads, I love my Mrs and I wouldn't do anything to hurt her, so I'll go have a pint and catch you later."

But he didn't, and he also almost definitely shagged a prostitute.

Go get an STI test and kick his arse out.

CharisMama · 29/11/2017 22:05

not good, either he wants his friends to think he's cheating on you or all his friends know he cheated on you and bought the line he sold you.

A ridiculous line as well, who is he, HOlden Caulfield? I find it very hard to believe he'd sit in a prostitutes room and............... chat?

CremeFresh · 29/11/2017 22:06

This is wrong on so many levels. What sort of 'mates' encourage someone to cheat? What sort of man is so weak willed he'd go with a prostitute to keep his mates happy? What sort of man thinks a woman is so stupid she would believe him?

Korez · 29/11/2017 22:06

If you choose to believe him... please please just protect yourself... make sure he's fully STI checked and clear for months before any getting intimate...

leftwiththedognow · 29/11/2017 22:07

Lets break this down...

Anyway, he gets back form Amsterdam, and he tells me that his friends were calling him "the grandfather" as he was the most sensible one.
Nice little mind game to make you think he's always been the good guy when out with these pricks

This got to him one night, and he admitted to me that his friends went to visit prostitutes, and to impress them he also paid for one and went to her room.
Whos decent husband/partner would fall for this juvenile shit? What decent mate would ask this shit? Married or single? Wtf did this get to him. Why does have to prove anything sexual to anyone but you?

He told me that nothing happened, that he just went in, hung up his coat, sat on the bed, talked to her for a minute, and then she made him leave when she realised nothing was going to happen.
Of course she would have wanted him to stay and chat - she must have wanted a break from shagging another shit husband who tells bullshit stories like this.

He's happy for his friends to believe that he slept with her.
His 'friends' are cunts. And so is he.

Rudgie47 · 29/11/2017 22:08

A lady I used to know was a working woman and she said to me that sometimes certain men really talked a lot to her and that she wondered if any would just sit and talk. She said that they never did and that they all wanted sex. The bleakness of what she said as she was lonely as well stayed with me.
OP hes lying, just get shut of him.

southennorthener · 29/11/2017 22:12

Let us know how you get on op.

Wincarnis · 29/11/2017 22:25

A likely story. The action and price are negotiated before the punter is allowed into the window. Did he tell you how much he paid ?

Branleuse · 29/11/2017 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummwest · 29/11/2017 22:39

If the other lads were all single then his story is even less likely to be true, what kind of spineless, pathetic weasel of a man wouldn't be able to say to them, look lads you are all single, go and enjoy yourselves (wink wink) but i'm happy with my mrs.

There's not one difficult thing about that situation at all! You'd just say it, you wouldn't say in your head right i'll pretend that i'm going to pay her and pretend i'm going to have sex with her so they all think i'm cool, you just wouldn't!

Branleuse · 29/11/2017 22:40

No idea why that posted again. Have reported myself

mummwest · 29/11/2017 22:43

** didn't mean to say pretend to pay her

inthenameotheweeman · 29/11/2017 22:52

He’s either a cheating little shit who has no respect for you, or he’s a spineless little shit who wants acceptance from his friends by telling them he has no respect for you. Either way, he doesn’t value your relationship. Sex and/or his friends come first.