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Original poster

How bad is what he did?

112 replies

chipsky · 29/11/2017 20:41

My BF of six years just got back from a boys trip to Amsterdam. I had no problem with him going as I trusted him. Even though at the beginning of our relationship he did cheat, and we broke up, eventually got back together, and a long time after, I learned to trust him again.
Anyway, he gets back form Amsterdam, and he tells me that his friends were calling him "the grandfather" as he was the most sensible one. This got to him one night, and he admitted to me that his friends went to visit prostitutes, and to impress them he also paid for one and went to her room. He told me that nothing happened, that he just went in, hung up his coat, sat on the bed, talked to her for a minute, and then she made him leave when she realised nothing was going to happen. He's happy for his friends to believe that he slept with her.
I just think that the whole situation is extremely messed up. Firstly, I can't believe that he would set foot in one of those places, I also can't believe that he can act so disrespectful to me around his friends. And finally, I can't believe that his friends encourage him to cheat on me (He said they were pushing him to do it), and that they now believe that he does so. Also, I'll never know what happened in that room, but for some reason I do believe him, as he really had no reason (that I know of) to tell me.
What do you guys think? Am I just being extremely naive?

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 29/11/2017 20:56

@JamieK80

Here's a human persectuve for you:

Things can get out of hand in female and mixed groups too.
No matter how "out of hand" they get, only a total fucking arsehole has a fake face saving non session with a prostitute.

Male perspective Hmm

Notsooriginalwerther · 29/11/2017 20:57

Do you want to be with someone that wants their friends to think they’ve cheated on you to prove how ‘manly and not boring’ he is? Even if he hasn’t cheated, pretending he has for his friends doesn’t sit right with me either, he should respect you enough to tell his moron friends to shut up and what sort of person just bows down and ‘cheats’ to make his mates happy on holiday? Disgusting, leave him whether he’s done it or not.

inlectorecumbit · 29/11/2017 20:58

Damage limitation. He gets his story in first before you find out the truth.

But the fact that he is happy for his friends to think he has cheated on you (which he has) would be enough for me. It's a total lack of respect for you, he is a cheat again !!
Get rid

Insomnibrat · 29/11/2017 21:00

What is WRONG with men to think they can peddle such weak ass bullshit and we'll just keep sucking it up?

Sorry OP, I'm angry for you.

Mulch · 29/11/2017 21:01

He's covering his tracks. You believe him because you want to believe him

fairgame84 · 29/11/2017 21:02

So he's told you that he was only in there for a minute but apparently that was long enough for his friends to believe he slept with her Hmm

Even on the very small chance that he is telling the truth, he has happily made out that he has cheated on you with a hooker and that's ok?

DiscoDeviant · 29/11/2017 21:02

MY EX told me they visited a brothel on a stag do and he sat at the bar whilst they all got their rocks off. As he was a cheating motherfucker I don’t think he was telling the truth!

wednesdayswench · 29/11/2017 21:04

I would not believe him, sorry.

And I could also never trust him with those friends again.

Run for the hills, this is too messed up to work.

LizzieSiddal · 29/11/2017 21:04

If he is telling the truth, why would you want to be with a man who is so immature that he can still be pressured into doing something he doesn’t want to do. Is he 12?

If he isn’t telling the truth, he’s a liar and a cheat so he should be out the door.

YorkieDorkie · 29/11/2017 21:05

Let's humour this for a moment and believe that he hasn't done anything with this paid for prostitute. I'd still LTB for allowing his mates to encourage and think he'd cheated. You deserve better.

GladAllOver · 29/11/2017 21:07

I'll bet that if you speak to the partners of the other guys, you will find that every one of them told the same story. "The others all did, I just pretended".

cathyclown · 29/11/2017 21:07

Cannot for the life of me understand why he told you this convoluted story in the first place. If he had said nothing, you would know nothing.

Maybe he was concerned that his friends would tell you. Do you socialise with them as a couple?

Bummybum · 29/11/2017 21:08

Even if he is telling the truth (which I doubt) I’d still tell him to fuck off. Permanently.

WhoWants2Know · 29/11/2017 21:09

It really doesn’t matter whether he did the deed with her or discussed knitting patterns. He engaged the service of a prostitute, and ensured that other people were aware of it.

He was happy to humiliate you in front of his peers. Is that ok with you?

TammySwansonTwo · 29/11/2017 21:10

Deal breaker.
Whether he's telling the truth or not (hint: he's not).

I couldn't be with someone who's in this sort of social crowd, with all this "grandad", under the thumb, encouraging him to pay to shag someone else bullshit. My DHs mates aren't like this but even if they were, he'd tell them to fuck off. I know he's been on stag dos where one or two guys have wanted to go to strip clubs and he's bailed out (he doesn't like them) - perfectly possible to do if you want to. Even if it were true, the fact that he'd rather go through this ruse than stand up to his mates is pathetic.

HermionesRightHook · 29/11/2017 21:10

He probably has cheated, but in any case I wouldn't be having anything to do with a partner who funded prostitution with our money, whether he had sex or not, or who had friends who thought so little of women. He's disgusting either way.

Justmuddlingalong · 29/11/2017 21:11

Is this really how you want to live OP?

Amatree · 29/11/2017 21:11

Agree with others, it doesn't matte if he slept with her or not. Even if his story is true that is enough to end a relationship. He clearly has no respect for you or your relationship so why on earth would you want to be with him? Value yourself more highly and ditch the creepy liar.

littlemisscomper · 29/11/2017 21:11

OP, I would strongly advise getting checked out at a sexual health clinic. It would be so bad if you caught something. Obviously somethings like Chlamydia are syptomless, and you could be left infertile.

Pumpkintopf · 29/11/2017 21:12

Sorry op this guy is a complete arse. So many reasons not to be with him as listed by pp above.

And as for the ‘male perspective’ Hmm

mehhh · 29/11/2017 21:16

Sorry op but he is lying... as the others said he's telling you half of the story to cover himself

I'm sure a prostitute would be grateful for being paid to chat rather than have sex, less work for them surely?

Originalfoogirl · 29/11/2017 21:18

Bin him, that’s clearly a made up story. Even if it isn’t, he had the choice to say no to his mates which shows he is easily led and that’s trouble.

And, I say this as someone who’s OH, when we first got together, went on a works night out and ended up at a strip club because “it was the only place open still selling beer” and when asked by one of the girls if she wanted to buy him a drink replied with “at that price? Buy your own drink, you earn more than me!” and I can absolutely believe that was the truth because A) when drunk he does just tag along B) he is such a tightwad with cash and C) it was never ever a situation where I could have discovered where he had been so no need to tell me. It was actually that honesty which made me see he was a keeper. In 17 years I don’t think he's ever been back to a strip club.

It’s not just about the one story, it’s about his whole history.

rightsaidfrederickII · 29/11/2017 21:19

He has told you this fiction of paying a prostitute to sit and look at the wallpaper so he has it covered if it gets back to you that he visited one

This x10

MsJudgemental · 29/11/2017 21:19

Second LTB of the evening. Flowers

MrLovebucket · 29/11/2017 21:20

I think it's likely he slept with the prostitute. Even if he hasn't then his need to pander to his friends by making them think he's a cheating bastard would make me lose all respect for him.

Agree with a PP that the prostitute wouldn't have told him to leave if he didn't want sex. He'd paid for her time whether it was a sexual encounter or just a cup of tea and a chat and, as a business woman, she wouldn't just kick him out. In fact I'd have thought she'd be more likely to try and get him to visit again if she didn't have to have sex for the money.

Trust and/or respect would be gone for me and the relationship would be over I'm afraid Sad