How bad is what he did?

[chipsky]

My BF of six years just got back from a boys trip to Amsterdam. I had no problem with him going as I trusted him. Even though at the beginning of our relationship he did cheat, and we broke up, eventually got back together, and a long time after, I learned to trust him again.
Anyway, he gets back form Amsterdam, and he tells me that his friends were calling him "the grandfather" as he was the most sensible one. This got to him one night, and he admitted to me that his friends went to visit prostitutes, and to impress them he also paid for one and went to her room. He told me that nothing happened, that he just went in, hung up his coat, sat on the bed, talked to her for a minute, and then she made him leave when she realised nothing was going to happen. He's happy for his friends to believe that he slept with her.
I just think that the whole situation is extremely messed up. Firstly, I can't believe that he would set foot in one of those places, I also can't believe that he can act so disrespectful to me around his friends. And finally, I can't believe that his friends encourage him to cheat on me (He said they were pushing him to do it), and that they now believe that he does so. Also, I'll never know what happened in that room, but for some reason I do believe him, as he really had no reason (that I know of) to tell me.
What do you guys think? Am I just being extremely naive?

To be honest I think I'd be almost as angry about this lame "excuse" as the act himself. He obviously thinks you're an idiot

I’ll put a male perspective....

Here’s another male perspective, just read it out to Mr Foo and he snorted a laugh and said “yeah, right, he only looked at the pretty half naked lady in her bedroom”

He cheated.

OR

it happened like he said, meaning he cared more about what his asshole friends thought of him than you. Meaning that he's happy for his friends to think he's a cheating bastard who visits prostitutes like they do. Meaning that he's so insecure in himself and desperate to appear 'cool' that he'll hire a prostitute to impress his friends.

Neither scenario is attractive, is it?

Dealbreaker either way for me.

Even if nothing happened now all his friends think youre a fucking mug, and he is HAPPY about that. Seriously there a men so so so so much better than this. Don't settle for this shit head.

He's a liar and he's telling this tale to cover himself should you hear about the antics secondhand. It's bull.

What do you think, op ?

Even if he genuinely sat and talked to her, I'd have an issue with him wanting his mates to think he cheated on you! That bit alone is just disrespectful.

Fine going on lads holidays, wouldn't care, but why pretend to cheat on your partner to show off to your mates?? How old is he, 15?

Even if he was telling the truth (not that I believe it for a second), I would be sickened by the fact that he would rather be known to his friends as a cheat rather than a faithful partner.

He sounds pathetic, as do his friends.

The lack of respect, even if his BS story was true, would make me dump him anyway.

Tell him to get to fuck !
He's either disrespecting you, or telling his friends he's willing to disrespect you.
I'm pretty sure he slept with her.
He's lying to someone anyway

The main point of going on this type of stag do is sex tourism.

Men like this have no respect for women.

He’s told you this crap because he thinks this is him being a good guy. It’s still him being a shit.

So the fallacy that pros peddle out that they get paid to 'talk' or 'listen' to Johns is true...this once could be..or he could be a lying prat who want's to cover himself in case it gets back to you..you know him best..

You know, if my partner cheated on me, I think one of the worst things about it would be that he was telling his mates about it and they were all slapping him on the back and laughing at me. In this scenario, you've still got that part even if he didn't actually do it.

My boyfriend had a similar situation on a business trip to malaysia, he had told them that he didnt want a prostitute and he was given one anyway. When he told her he didnt want to do anything she became terrified and upset. He realised that she was there under force and found it upsetting and horrible but told them that she was great etc to protect her.
I completely believe him as I know him. He was pretty disgusted that his two friends/business partners still had sex with the women even though it was obvious they were trafficked. Its a horrible world out there.

This!

It happened like he said, meaning he cared more about what his asshole friends thought of him than you. Meaning that he's happy for his friends to think he's a cheating bastard who visits prostitutes like they do. Meaning that he's so insecure in himself and desperate to appear 'cool' that he'll hire a prostitute to impress his friends.

and this!

Even if nothing happened now all his friends think youre a fucking mug, and he is HAPPY about that. Seriously there a men so so so so much better than this. Don't settle for this shit head.

Why did he tell you about this.

I think the fact that he is so strongly intangled in a group of friends who cheat, even in six year relationships, and encourage each other to cheat, it’s probably only a matter of time until he does.

The fact that he is happy for his friends to smirk behind your back about cheating on you would be reason enough to leave.

My dpd friends know that our relationship is a priority for him and that he wouldn’t be friends with anyone who goaded him into disrespecting me like that. I would be the same with my friends. How old is your bf?

If he was an honest and upfront guy who I loved and trusted with my life I MIGHT (just) give him the benefit of the doubt....but he is not any of these things
Pack him a bag and tell him to leave for good

Sorry, got as far as 'boys trip to Amsterdam' and thought he was an arse.

Why pick Amsterdam? Prague or Budapest are similar but Amsterdam isn't even trying to hide it Either he's going to use prostitutes or he's fine being mates with men who do. Neither show him in a good light TBH.

Of course there is the outside chance you are going to say all his mates are art historians going to see the Rembrandts but they aren't, are they?

Why pick Amsterdam?

Oh, at uni there was a big trip but it wasn't for prostitutes, it was for everyone to get off their tits on mushrooms

I think it's quite possible he is telling the truth. But it's also just as likely he was lying and is covering his back in case any of this gets back to you. But bear in mind a lot of men cheat and their partners are never any the wiser. Not that this helps you very much

Forgot to say aswell, if I were you'd I'd get myself to a clinic to get sti checked. God knows who else he's been with. Probably has cock rot!!!

Dump him then get checked to be safe

Girls went on that uni trip though, didn't they.

Boys trip to Amsterdam, they aren't just doing mushrooms

I know a couple of former sex workers.
They say guys do just lose their nerve, or are in it for the show and do nothing sometimes.

And knowing them, they would be moving on as fast as possible; time is money. They wouldn’t be interested in chatting.

Even if his story was 100% true i'd leave him, there is no chance I would stay with someone so pathetic that they'd lie about that to impress their mates.

What April229 said ^^

He is telling you his story incase it gets back to you.

If everyone he hangs out with is a nasty little cunt then he probably is too.

The prostitute wouldn’t have chucked him out if he had paid, that is where his grubby pathetic story falls apart. It’s arrogance pure and simple to pretend that this sex worker would have been so disappointed that she wasn’t getting fucked that she chucked him out - if you pay for your time you pay for your time. What a crock and poor you - there are better men out there, you deserve one...LTB.