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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

looks like it's over

961 replies

mylittlestar · 18/04/2007 11:48

well after everything you will have seen so far, and my happiness at dh and i giving our marriage another go, sadly it doesn't look like that is possible anymore.

i've been feeling down the last couple of days and couldn't put my finger on it. thought it was probably a bit of paranoia. the pregnancy scare etc. but looking back dh had also become distant and withdrawn and i think i was picking up on that.

i checked his phone this morning. there was a message in his saved items to the ow. basically said of course i'll get up early to come and take you to work. i'll leave a bit early so we can have a little kiss before we set off...

confronted him. he swore he hadn't been back in touch. then has admitted that after his paranoia that i may have met someone on my work night out last week, he got back in touch with her.
don't really know much more than that and there's no point in asking as i'm not sure i could believe what he tells me anyway.

i had four main reasons for giving things another try. my love for him. the fact that anyone can make a mistake once. the fact that he swore he hated living a double life and would never want to live that way again. and finally, the fact that he said after seeing what he'd put me through, he'd never put me through that again.

just 4 weeks later he has.

to be honest i really don't want to turn this thread into a session to slag dh off. i don't understand his reasons and never will. but i do love him.

i think perhaps it's time to let my head rule my heart and make myself wake up to the fact that he doesn't love me in the same way i love him.

one day he'll realise what he's lost and what he's put me through. and i truly believe that nothing i say or do from this point on will have any impact. it's up to him now.

i've come into work to try and take my mind off it all and calm down. so i'm ok. i'm glad i have MN to get all of this out as this time i do not want one single person in RL to know. i don't want people getting at dh. i don't want people telling me 'i told you so'. i don't really want sympathy.
i'm sick of my life being one big drama after the next. i want to focus on me and ds and i want a happy quiet life filled with love and laughter. if the only way to get that is being alone with ds, then so be it. i'm truly blessed to have him.

so perhaps this thread should be about how i can now move forward without the love of my life and my soul mate....

OP posts:
BlueSkynSunshine · 08/05/2007 20:48

You all sound like you are in a good place or at least getting there! So good to hear or should that be read?!!. MLS (sorry not posted on your thread before but really wish you well), IOHW you are so, so, wise, Mrs. DKR well done you for finally getting rid of those feelings for G. Long may it last!

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 08/05/2007 20:51

Ah, thank you BlueSky. You must have read my thread - I though I was posting into cyberspace

Yes, he is a non-entity as far as I am concerned. A good-looking one, but even that has faded because I never look at him any more!

LilyLoo · 08/05/2007 20:52

Paddlechick you feeling so down. Has he still not been in touch? CNC think we sometimes become a little self obsessed i guess August might be good then as Ernest in town for first two weeks so she will be pleased.

LilyLoo · 08/05/2007 20:54

OSJ i swear there will be an mnet divorce .
Dior link us to your thread please.

Paddlechick666 · 08/05/2007 20:54

nothing OSJ, that's the problem.

nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing

alongside everything everything everything

can't look around the house without starting to worry about moving and all that entails.

where to go, what i can afford, sorting out all stuff i won't have room for. sorting out the utilites and of course selling the flat where i have tenants i'm not supposed to have who've got 8 months left of their lease.

and dd keeps shouting daddy and looking at his picture on the wall.

and my mobile packed up on sunday, just had it replaced today. am torturing myself that H might've been trying to get in touch.

how bloody insane and stupid and pathetic am i that i still ache for him to get in touch and make it all ok.

my friend who's dd is 1 week older than mine is pg with their 2nd. i'm very happy for them but fed up of having family envy.

i'm greiving for the future i was supposed to have and it'd be a whole lot easier to do that if just feckin understood why!

i'm trying really hard to be positive about the future. to accept it's just me and dd now and will ever be probably but it just looks so bleak now.

this man is not the man i met and fell in love with and married and planned a future with. if he'd had any of this behaviour i'd have run a bloody long mile.

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 08/05/2007 20:55

PC Sending a virtual tipple of your choice!

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 08/05/2007 20:56

Lily - It is the one in relationships called 'An update to my 'to top off my crap year' thread'

LilyLoo · 08/05/2007 20:56

oh pc i can't believe it when i look at that picture of you both he must be mad. Have you any idea where he is ? Love is a strong emotion that cannot be told to go away because it's irrational.

LilyLoo · 08/05/2007 20:57

ahh Dior i saaw that and it was so mahooooosive i didn't look but now i will take some time to look over it. As we might be sharing a room i better get to know more about you.

ohsmellyjelly · 08/05/2007 20:57

Message withdrawn

ohsmellyjelly · 08/05/2007 20:59

Message withdrawn

Paddlechick666 · 08/05/2007 21:01

okay, i need some perspective on this.

i've loaded a pic on the group of us as a family on Easter Sunday. It was the last time I saw him.

You tell me, does this look like a severely depressed man who can't bear to live with his family?

Who spoke to me every day till the Friday and then cancelled dinner. Who has texted once since then?

What is going on?!?!

This pic will only be up for tonight then I will remove it.

I don't know where he is, I am assuming at his mother's but I can't keep dragging her into it. She has promised to contact me with any developments but she hasn't been in touch for 2 weeks and that was when I rang her last.

ohsmellyjelly · 08/05/2007 21:04

Message withdrawn

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 08/05/2007 21:05

Well, I don't know the man, or how he looks 'normally', but his grin does seem a little strained (sorry ). You know him better though, so feel free to ignore me.

I'm really for you. You deserve some answers, even if they end the relationship.

Paddlechick666 · 08/05/2007 21:08

he always grins like that LOL!

will try to post my story now........

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 08/05/2007 21:09

Fair enough As I said, I don't know him. He looks nice though (as far as you c an tell from a photo!)

ohsmellyjelly · 08/05/2007 21:10

Message withdrawn

LilyLoo · 08/05/2007 21:13

PC nothing in that photo would ever suggest what he has done to you. How could he not want to know how your beautiful dd is doing ? Surely his mum wants to have contact with dd though. Can you not just ring her to check he is ok? I really don't know as like MLS it's hard to see where the depression begins and the selfishness starts it really is but without seeing him face to face it's impossible to do anythign. Have you just decided not to contact him?

lilybubble · 08/05/2007 21:26

argh also finding it hard to keep up with you chatty lot, and am still neglecting dd without even getting on here!!!! how does that work!?!?!?!

Can't wait to get cracking into msn and back into mn, but can't until i get back to my place. BUT am dreading going there, am too scared / nervous / pathetic to go by myself so am waiting until my parents can come too.

Can't stop, but just wanted to say hello to all you lovely ladies and will catch up soon......honestly........... xx

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 08/05/2007 21:31

We appear to have hijacked MLS's thread you know!

ohsmellyjelly · 08/05/2007 21:41

Message withdrawn

ohsmellyjelly · 08/05/2007 21:42

Message withdrawn

Paddlechick666 · 08/05/2007 21:48

phew! deep breath! i have posted my story.

get a glass of something to sustain you. you might even need a sandwich half way thru to revive you.

it's long and it's there in all it's terrble glory.........

Paddlechick666 · 08/05/2007 22:00

and i hope to feck none of you lot happen to be involved because that would be a living nightmare!

Paddlechick666 · 08/05/2007 22:05

CNC, you begged so nicely I have granted you entry to that heavenly place.

going to bed now, exhausted!