Friend with Benefits says 'I Love You'

[Daughterofanarc]

So I met this guy 3 months ago and was really attracted to him. We were both single. He said upfront that he’d had a really horrible breakup just over a year ago and he felt scared of getting into a new relationship. He suggested something that sounded very much like friends with benefits. I thought about it and then agreed. But what actually happened was that we went on dates (restaurants, drinks, etc) for about 2 months with no sex.

Then we finally had sex. The sex was out of this world amazing. A couple of weeks ago he told me he loves me. We see each other about twice a week — we do a variety of different stuff including going out to dinner, just going for long walks or drives, nights in etc. I’ve met his work colleagues and some of his family members. He calls every other day or so just to talk. He’s making plans for stuff for us to do in the future. We don’t have sex every time we see each other but when we do he stays over, we hug all night, wake up together, go out to breakfast, or just sit in my crib drinking coffee, talking about the future, talking about our work etc. Then we reluctantly part ways until the next time.

There is a LOT of affection, a lot of gazing into each other’s eyes all the time, etc, and hours and hours of kissing.

Is this how friends with benefits arrangements usually work? I’ve not been in one before.

@SleepingStandingUp 😀

Our unspoken decision to recently stop properly using contraception speaks volumes 🤣

Eh?

Our unspoken decision to recently stop properly using contraception speaks volumes

Oh ffs you do not risk getting pregnant to a bloody FWB. You need to talk to him and confirm - not that it's needed - that this is a proper relationship with a future. Calling it anything else is ridiculous

Talk to him. It sounds like you are both in love with each other and this could have a happy ending. Good luck

Unspoken decision not to use contraception? You mean you haven't actually told him?

Never ever make an “unspoken decision” not to use contraception, you’re 39 you should know this. Particularly as you haven’t even agreed a relationship status yet.

She said ‘our’ unspoken decision so they must have made it together.

Trying for a baby when you’ve no idea where you stand in your relationship and you’ve not discussed the implications is a fast ride to titsupville.

An "unspoken decision" could be "hes stopped asking for or using condoms." That doesn't necessarily mean hes planning to propose...

Tut. It's just dawned on me the OP's name is daughter of a narc and I've been reading it as daughter of an arc. All so dreadfully confusing.

Oh, I thought the user name was a play on sons of anarchy, but bizarrely truncated.

I remember one message board had someone who offered dodgy advice to vulnerable women. User name Therapist, then someone pointed out it read 'The rapist'.

Lawks, I'll never be able to look at therapists the same way again

Have you both been screened for STDs before the contraception was not being used? As well as the huge, huge choice to bring a person into existence-you can’t just NOT talk about massively life choices that you are actively engaging in! Batshit!

@Clitoria

Great screen name. Yes we're both STD free. We've been relying on condoms for contraception. We did discuss what we'd do if I got pregnant actually and both agreed we'd want to keep the baby

Jeezo.
Tell him you're not sure if he's still being cautious and ask him straight out if you're in a relationship or not.
Stop floundering along like a pair of teenagers.

And don't get pregnant till you know what's going on!

There’s not a chance in hell you thought you were just FWBs

Our unspoken decision to recently stop properly using contraception speaks volumes
Bloody hell, rein it in, you've only known each other 3 months! Seriously OP, I know it's all exciting and emotional but FFS bringing a child into the world is one of the most serious things you can do in life, so be more sensible than to risk doing it with a virtual stranger. Especially one who you can't even ask what sort of relationship you're in or discuss expectations. Jeez!

Ok, to summarise. You met recently met someone, and a few weeks ago you started having sex. You have have discussed having children. You do not use contraception.

You sound like one of those teenagers on the JK show.

I agree dipping my toes in, huge difference in we see where it goes to fwb
See where it goes implies a poss future, fwb is boundaries & no future
& the contraception thing is just ridiculous if you genuinely thought you was fwb title to this post is very misleading & if op is that concerned about where they are at she sure would have already talked to the guy about it when discussing the what if I get pregnant surly
So to me she isn't concerned but 3 months in and talking about what if I get pregnant & not using protection all sounds very bizarre to me

Not read all the posts on the thread but I slept with a work colleague and wanted to be FWB he wanted something more....

It's our first wedding anniversary next week!

Op, I think you need to be cautious with anyone saying one thing but acting differently.

I hope he is a good guy but please dont rush this, its feels super fast and thats a red flag.
He is acting very much like my ex did but counsellors would advise that real feelings take more than 3 months to develop.

Your recent decision to try for a baby (that’s what not using contraception properly means) is dreadful. FGS pull yourself together! Are you really this irresponsible?

PS I had my first at 41, so you’ve time yet to find a longterm partner.

Are you planning on getting upduffed?

Instead of gazing into his eyes have a gaze on his todger and ask him to get a condom on it.

@lunabear1 that's awesome. How long were you together before you got married?