Husband has history in Thailand and is planning to return

[DeRoJo]

Hi, my husband had an affair 10 years ago when travelling in Thailand, he continued to text/email her for several months after he got back. I found the phone he bought to keep contact with her and confronted him. He told me he planned to leave me and our children and go live with her. His justification for his actions was that he didn’t feel I needed him anymore! We decided to try and make a go of things and he agreed not to contact her again, although I have struggled to deal with it, I thought we were doing OK. I don’t feel the same as I used to about him but I do still love him and want our marriage to work. BUT he has just announced that he plans to go back to do voluntary work in Thailand for 3 months next year and I am finding the idea abhorrent. I believe him when he says he has altruistic reasons for going but I worry that it will happen again and I cannot go through it all again. My dilemma is...do I try to stop him going or let him go and hope for the best but prepare for the worst?

I'm really sorry flowers

We had similar in our misbegotten youth (we were immature....). It took a long time to get over and that was pre kids/marriage etc.

Tell him what you told us x.

The only voluntary work he will be doing over there is voluntarily looking for people to have sex with.

I'd leave him before he goes. I'd leave just for suggesting something like that! And I'd be sending him to the nearest Salvation Army to help out, given he's so altruistic.

What gives him the right to announce he’s taking 3 months off yet alone go to Thailand. I’d be packing his bags for him

How old are your children ?
How will you/them be supported whilst he is away ?I
When/if he returns what about you sexual health ?
Do you still want to be in the marriage ?

How dare he even have the brass necked gall to even suggest this!

Selfish, untrustworthy and dodgy. No way would I believe the 'voluntary work' line. Even if he doesn't go you should be giving serious consideration about whether you want to stay with him.

Would any of you allow your husbands to go even if they hadn't had an affair and the kids were adults or if it was in say China and not Thailand? I suspect many wouldn't.

User52826 If my DH came home one day and said 'Oh, by the way, I'm spending 3 months in X next year.' No, I wouldn't be impressed. Not at all impressed. The fact he told me and didn't think to discuss it with me is a red flag. 3 months is a long time and clearly he's looked into it and made the decision without a thought to me at all.

Similarly, I can guarantee you, if I walked in and told my DH I was leaving for 3 months he wouldn't be too impressed either.

That would make you a complete mug

Tell him you will all go and see what he says.

If it looks like a duck. And quacks like a duck. Chances are you’ve got yourself a duck. And this is a big old monster duck. I would tell him to pack all his stuff and stay there. He’s taking the piss.

Just be wary about what you say to him. You really don't want him to hide/take all the money, if he knows that you will kick him out. He currently thinks he has three months to make his mind up. If you pull the rug out from under him then he may panic and screw you financially - if he hasn't already.

3 months voluntary work? Charity begins at home for starters

He can go off stick his cock in a thai girl then come home and break your heart all over again. I often find myself wary when the injuried party says they love them sure its love and not habit?

He's made himself clear he would bin you and his child at a drop of a hat why let him hold all the cards get some self respect and get your options open for yourself

What Viva said:
I'd suspect that's the plan. Give it three months to hedge his bets and see if it works out. If it does he won't return.

This is definitely what he is doing. What a fucking twat.

Sounds a lot like a friend's husband of over 30 yrs who went doing some voluntary teaching in Thailand for a good cause. The good cause turned out to be in her 20s and he is now teaching her permanently leaving his wife and family to pick up the pieces. He would have continued the part time teaching given the opportunity -did not want a divorce.

Why does Thailand have to be the target of his altruism? There are so many other places he could provide volunteering services rather than the place he betrayed you.

Anyone else thinking that the husband knows this is a deal breaker, but he is such a coward he is waiting for his wife to end things?

For sure.

Ask him where he will forward his belongings to in case he comes back.

First secure any savings so he can't plunder them.

Crunchy may have a good point there

anyfucker I’ve only been on MN a couple of weeks and it’s mad people actually do this. I’ve read some posts and thought jeez! Some have made me feel properly weirded out(that’s the point though eh) I’ve gone to post and thought nah that doesn’t sit right, lo and behold it ends up MN deletes it. Crazy type of trolling

Statistics vary, depending on the source, and the various groups, but generally, the scope is that 40 - 60 % of sex workers have HIV, and most of this information is only arrived at, through sex workers that are actually tested or are sick and on medication, many sex workers do not test.

Many sex workers not only don't use condoms, they actually encourage the Johns / punters not to use them.

Do some research.

Did you get you / both get tested last time he ' played ' in Thailand !?

Do you really, really want to put your sanity and mental health ( And those of your children at risk !? )

You should dump him for even discussing it, nevermind if he actually follows it through.

You can't be serious about going along with it !?

He's a grade A sewershagger !!!!!

I wouldn't stop him going.
In fact, I'd help him pack and tell him not to come back.
So how did the talk go last night?
I bet you backed down because he gave you some bullshit reasoning.
Please leave him.
He's feckin' awful.