Husband has history in Thailand and is planning to return

[DeRoJo]

Hi, my husband had an affair 10 years ago when travelling in Thailand, he continued to text/email her for several months after he got back. I found the phone he bought to keep contact with her and confronted him. He told me he planned to leave me and our children and go live with her. His justification for his actions was that he didn’t feel I needed him anymore! We decided to try and make a go of things and he agreed not to contact her again, although I have struggled to deal with it, I thought we were doing OK. I don’t feel the same as I used to about him but I do still love him and want our marriage to work. BUT he has just announced that he plans to go back to do voluntary work in Thailand for 3 months next year and I am finding the idea abhorrent. I believe him when he says he has altruistic reasons for going but I worry that it will happen again and I cannot go through it all again. My dilemma is...do I try to stop him going or let him go and hope for the best but prepare for the worst?

Let him go and use those three months to see a solicitor, sort out legalities, and separate finances.

Also use those three months to fully realize how peaceful it is with him gone.

Wot thumbcat says ^

What selfish behaviour, really, do yourself a favour and get rid.

What would I do? I would make a proactive decision and tell him he is welcome to go, but he won't be coming back. Sod all that "hoping for the best" codswallop. Apart from his history, he "announced" he was planning to bugger off for 3 months? That alone would do it for me.

I believe him when he says he has altruistic reasons for going

Because he has proved to be so trustworthy previously?!

Voluntary Work. I’ve heard it all now.

He's how old? Trying to replay his Gap Year doesn't sound good as he was married when he went 10 years ago. Does he see himself as a free spirit?

Someone I work with went on a trip to Thailand and never came back, he cleared all the bank accounts before he went. Turns out he'd been having an online affair for a while.

I'd suspect that's the plan. Give it three months to hedge his bets and see if it works out. If it does he won't return.

No way given his history.

Agree with @AttileTheMeerkat - if he's got an altruistic itch, why can't he scratch it closer to home? Why hasn't he suggested you all go together and make a family trip of it? Why does it have to be Thailand? All seems a bit rum to me.

Wake up and smell the ladyboys OP.

What a good idea. Pack his bag for him and tell him to sod off and don't bother coming back.

Absolute twaddle. Is he taking time off work to volunteer? Is he retired?

When are you taking 3 months off?

In your position I'd tell him he can do what he likes out there and you'll do the same over here... as I'd consider myself single.

Sorry to say this, but LTB.

I would quietly get some legal advice re divorce and finance.

Then either sit down with him and a calendar and have a chat about you going to, fe, Latin America, for three months on a voluntary basis.

Or tell him to make sure he packs everything he needs because he won’t be coming back, as suggested up thread.

Thanks everyone for your prompt replies. Virtually unanimous I might add. These were also my gut feelings but I have no one to talk to so it’s really useful to get all your opinions. We shall have a discussion tonight.....

He happens to want to do voluntary work in one of the world’s sex tourism capitals. I’ll bet he does.

Whether or not it is the sex capital of the world, not all men are perverts. However, given his history I would be highly suspicious. As others have said, why Thailand. I think you should go by your gut instinct.

What if you said “let’s take the kids out of school for educational reasons (travel) and all go?”

I'd be using that time to get my ducks lined up too.

Sorry, OP. He's a fool and not to be trusted.

Good luck.

I wouldn’t stop him going, he will resent you and find another way to cheat. Just take it as confirmation your marriage is over and move forward with your life.

That's a new definition for 'voluntary work'
Come on op. You aren't seriously considering this as an option are you?
He cheated. He blames you and keeps in contact with the OW
He now wants to go back there!!
Who is funding this? Does he not work? You may want to keep the marriage going but he doesn't.
It's like terrible husband Top Trumps on here lately.

DeRoJo - remember we will be right behind you, some with popcorn! 🍿😉

You have to wonder why he picked Thailand over Niger, Chad etc?

So he can meet up with this lady, or hope to meet another Thai lady

Absolutely no way.