Why do so many people get divorced?

[DaisyRaine90]

Seriously, and I say this as someone who was a single parent for 3 years before meeting my fiancé and having no 2

Why do so many people get divorced these days??

My whole childhood was blown apart by my parents getting divorced, but I know other people who waited until their kids had flown the nest and others still who stay married for decades

What sticks people together and what divides them? Why do we have such high divorce rates?

Divorce isn't easy. Anyone who says that hasn't tried it.

I am divorced because my ex saw fit to leave me for someone else. I wasn't given the opportunity to work on it, he just upped and left. I didn't fight it. Just did my best to rejig my life and get on as best as I am able. It has been very hard. But nothing I can do, is there?

Because I found out my husband is gay. Our children's lives are not being blown apart by it because we are responsible, mature adults who work hard together to ensure they see us being friendly and united in raising them together. Yes, I could easily go out into a field and scream my head off at the injustice (I did not ever think I'd be back on the dating scene at 46), but they are at the centre of everything we do as far as we possibly can.

It's sad to me that so many believe that longterm monogamy is just a bind, being stuck with one person is never going to work etc. That's really sad.

I love my husband to bits and we and our kids are a family. There's nothing I could get from a string of new relationships that could match what we have after a decade together. It's not inevitable that marriage has to be something you struggle through if you want to stay.

I think there's a serious issue presently with the mismatch between men's and women's expectations of a spouse. Too many women are working full time or raising babies full time and still expected to be fully responsible for running the home. Even those men who do pull their own weight still generally leave the mental load to their wives. It's no wonder that so many women get fed up and want out. It's no surprise that statistically men are happier when they're married and women are unhappier when married - the amount put on women's shoulders in general terms is ridiculous.

Please correct me if I am wrong, but aren't divorce rates coming down compared with recent decades?

". If you got on then that was good enough. Now that isn't enough."
And quite rightly too!

Mooncup exactly. Why get married? Long term monogamy can be a bind for some, not for others but why should marriage until death be the norm? It’s certainly common but it shouldn’t necessarily be the only option for having a life full of love and happiness which is what most people aspire to.

For me its because i was being abused.

50 years ago i would have had to have stayed. I am glad there is not the stigma to divorce that their used to be.

Marriage is an odd thing. Yes it works for lots. But there is no shame in it not working. People change. There is no shame in no longer being compatible.

Because I couldn’t carry on living like that for the next 40+ years.

Many complex and varied reasons.

If you are asking 'why are more people getting divorced nowadays than they used to?', it's is of course because it is less difficult legally and more acceptable socially.

I also think that nobody should be forced to stay in an unhappy marriage, whatever the reasons for that unhappiness, but equally that companionship, trust, longterm commitment, working through difficult times, the strength that comes from knowing somebody for a long time has become increasingly undervalued.

H and I are separating after 6 years of repeated affairs (I was not aware of them for that length of time). I am gutted but cannot wait to sort our affairs and to lead my life unencumbered by him. I am livid what he has done and is doing on behalf of our children

People get married far too quickly

Interesting post. My question would be "why do so many people get married these days?" I quite genuinely (and not being goady) do not understand it. What is the point?

However, having got married, I think people grow apart or in many cases people settle down and show their true colours and become unacceptable to their spouse.

These days there is no need for anyone to be trapped in a relationship or in being unhappy and there is no stigma to wanting a different life.

By all means shout me down for not understanding the point of marriage in the first place - I know it's an unpopular opinion.

For me,he enjoyed abusing me in a variety of different ways,I left as I didn't want that for me and I certainly didn't want my kids growing up in that war zone. My kids are nearly grown now,they are great. Growing up ,with divorced parents must have some impact but I think a lot less than staying married would have.

Because I didn't want to spend another 4 or 5 decades with a lazy, filthy, emotionally incontinent man child. One had been more than enough to make me realise that no way did I want such a man to be the father of my children.

I know with absolute certainty that if my marriage (2nd) ended I would never marry again. I think the desire to breed made me make bad decisions.

Im surprised there are not higher divorce rates to be honest because men and women are so different it is amazing that so many couples stay together.

Of course there are lots of reasons, but I also feel that families being under a lot of pressure, high expectations of parenting, careers and lack of support from extended family can be a toxic mix.

Dh and I are very strong as a couple but have felt the strain due to all the above. Having children and two full time careers with patchy unreliable childcare and never getting a break or time as a couple has really taken a toll.

Do people really believe divorce is the easy option?

TheNaze

There is something in that too.

The number of my husband is a lazy bastard threads on here indicate to me that the signs were most probably there before marriage but judgement was clouded.

Marriage is still the simplest practical way to give a lower-earning partner and children some security if the couple splits up. I guess that as that changes, the marriage rate will drop further.

We are living longer, and are in better health and more independent at a later age. In the past, women especially were more reliant on their partner for support and looking forward to a bleaker future without them. Society knew that and frowned more on divorce as a result. Today, divorce does not have the same connotations of leaving your partner or children in financial difficulty or finding it hard to remarry.

I grew up watching films and TV series and reading books which portrayed unhappy marriages, where husband and wife hate one another or one was repressed and miserable, but they were stuck with one another. There were endless jokes about having a horrible wife that you wanted to get rid of but were stuck with. My wife's gone to the Caribbean. Jamaica? No, she went of her own accord. These depictions and jokes reflected and spread the growing idea that not all marriages were worth maintaining. Future generations won't even get those jokes or portrayals. They'll be baffled as to why the couples were still together.

Well, I quite like my husband. If I had —millions—
enough money, to have a second home? could I live on my own part of the time, because I’d like that. And then return to him? Cause I do actually like him.

My mother didn't divorce my abusive father because it was the 60s and she was afraid of being judged. She finally divorced him after I'd grown up and left home, but the damage was done and will never leave any of us who were affected.

On the other hand, I've been with my OH for over 30 years.

Every relationship is different and nobody should have to endure abuse or deep unhappiness because they feel they 'ought' to stay.

I look at the statistics and wonder "why do so many people get divorced?".

And then I go and read the Relationship board on Mumsnet and think "why on earth do these people stay together?"

Honestly I look at more people and think "why are they still putting up with that" than think "why are they divorcing".

We stay together because that is what we decided. Neither of us is mean to the other, though I’m sure we both get irritated about things. We could split up and go in search of something more exciting or intense, but that would almost certainly wind down after a few years too.

I don’t understand why people 'amicable divorce'. If it’s amicable, why do you need to?

Obviously that is only my experience and friendship group talking.

Just because the divorce is amicable that doesn't mean the marriage was. My ex had an affair, treated us like shit at the time and left for the OW but we are having an amicable divorce, as in we are not fighting over anything and both behaving almost like adults.

Other people come to the decision to divorce amicably in that both parties agree they are not enjoying the marriage and would be happier alone or with someone else.