If you're still a social misfit when you're a grown up

[diggitydog]

Anyone out there not outgrown the painful teenage social misfit stage? Past the age of hiding behind being into cool bands or alternative clothing but still dreadfully lost and confused by the rules?

And how do you make sure your kids grow up with more confidence than you?

[SallyLockhartsDog]

Can I join? I relate to so much that has been written here.

I have actually chosen to home school with one of my reasons being that I don't want the DC to go through the social torture that I did. We experimented with nursery and it started there...DC1 being excluded from friendship groups/parties with the teachers blaming her

I still don't 'get' the cool stuff, I bought the 'wrong' pram , don't watch the 'right' TV programmes.

Trying and failing not to care

[irregularegular]

I'm not sure whether logic v values is the right way to characterize the thinking v feeling distinction. I'd say that being driven by feelings/emotions and being driven by values are two quite different things. Values can be worked out and tested against logic in a way that feelings/emotions can't really.
www.16personalities.com/articles/nature-thinking-vs-feeling

[stubbornstains]

Yes, my values are definitely based on logic. I don't really see how values can be based on anything else. Mind you, IMHO the majority of people seem to labour under a cognitive dissonance so severe that it makes my head hurt just to think about it.

And I guess, for me, love is based on logic, too. I know so, so, so many people who will endure years in abusive relationships because they claim to still love their partners. I just don't get how you can have feelings of love for someone who treats you like that. If a partner starts to behave badly towards me I tend to fall out of love very, very fast.

[irregularegular]

I don't think that is true for everyone stubbornstains. I think I am more like you, but I think there are plenty of people who would say that can't help loving a man even though they are a bastard.

[SansaClegane]

I think I’ve found my people here...
I’m an INTJ on Myers-Briggs and due to this thread have done the AQ test and scored 33.
It has never, I mean never occurred to me that I might be on the spectrum. I mean there are certain things about me that I thought might be a tad eccentric (numbers, patterns in numbers, only being comfortable in routines, hating spontaneity to name a few) but other behaviours I put down to my many many mental health issues (generalised anxiety disorder as well as social anxiety, depression).

Not quite sure what I can do with my new found knowledge about myself though? I mean now I know why I’m shit at socialising...

[Ladybird909]

I know SansaClegane this thread has been so helpful and has given me a much better understanding of why I am so rubbish at making friends and maintaining friendships... but what now? I'm still going to be crap with people and they are still going to think that I am awkward.

I don't know whether to try and get a diagnosis privately and then at least I could say to people that I'm whatever or whether that will be even more weird if I start doing that??!

[Offred]

I think TBH the purpose of the diagnosis is the same as the purpose of these realisations.

It’s about self development, about understanding yourself so that you can love yourself and grow.

[LoveforPGTipsMonkey]

yes, that's was I was driving at, I wouldn't equate F with prioritising values over logic. Values are more of a moral code, and I suppose also more superficially priorities/goals in life.
I think tbh most people (well, take the same culture if that' s easier) have similar major values (what is good/bad), but after that different priorities, i.e. career or family or money drives them.
The same values can drive both F and T but they'd achieve them in different ways.
I agree that F type tends to put love above logic quite often, as the emotion/intense feeling is to them precious, and they are likely to go to great length or show lots of patience/suffering even, hoping they can influence their badly behaved partner. Such relationships can be co-dependent.
*LadyBird' I think it does help to know because, for one, yo uknow you are not alone and it's just a characteristic and every type has their weak points. Also it helps to look at how other types think/behave and learn a little about other ways of perceiving things. You may never be a natural but it goes a long way to learn from the naturals! I think it does help to understand that other ways of seeing situations is there and learn-able to an extent. How about even reading descriptions of other types and seeinghow they function?

[Slartybartfast]

Came across this thread last night and when searchign for it this mornign came across a similar one, from 2006!
only 3 pages then
Dont do too much cyber, was one word of advice.