Anyone quite happy to not be in a relationship?

[BigbreastsBiggerbeard]

Anyone else feel that they're quite content to not be in a relationship, and actually enjoy not having to make all the compromises having a partner brings?

Just the thought of entering another relationship these days is enough to make me come over all exhausted and need a long lie down with a good podcast

Bigbreasts

Tell you friend to look at #byefilipe on Instagram.

A little while back I signed up with a very vague profile on Tinder just to see what all the crack was about. Well that lasted one week to be exact. Its was entertaining for the first few days scrolling through such obviously fake profiles (even one had his wedding photo on there!,) but after speaking to 3 people I gave it up. Too much hard work. All 3 were fake profiles, one went as far as setting up a web page and everything.

Just had another realisation of what I do not miss.

Taking my time in the bathroom. Without someone rushing in saying 'ffs aren't you done yet'. If I want to read on the loo, then I do. If I want to lay in the bath for extra 5 mins in the morning, then I do. And the best.... no farting, belching, burping to contend with. Unless I need to, then its fine.

Very happy to be on my own around the house day to day. I am just not tolerant or giving enough any more. I wouldn't want to cook for anyone again and as for sharing a bed, no thanks, not with the hair, sweat, smelly feet, snoring, scratching and stale alcohol smell. Gross.

I do miss someone to do the diy.

I do miss someone to do the diy

I have become quite the diy fundi in the past two years. Have my little toolbox which I have used quite a lot.

Yesterday my grocery cupboard door fell off, its one of those floor to ceiling ones... thought I might have to call someone to help me as I tried to screw it back it, but all the screws were stripped. And its quite heavy. But, pride got the better of me, trusty YouTube, toothpicks, wood glue, child holding the door straight..... bobs your uncle. I did it, working perfectly (not sure for how long but will cross that bridge when I need to again) ok so it took the best part of the day, but that's not the point

Don't think its a bad thing for girl child to be helping with sort of thing, she too can now fix a cupboard door one day.....

So then the question is.... how did you ladies become single? I’m getting to the point where I’m fairly sure my relationship is dying... if not dead. No unreasonable behaviour, just incompatibility and a desire to just not be in a relationship on my side. I haven’t the faintest idea how to go about having the divorce chat...

I have found lately that even though I've been in an awful relation for 10yrs only been single for 5 months and have 3 children to look after people are already telling me I should be on dating sites etc. They can't seem to understand I don't want to be with anyone. I'm not lonely I'm happy and actually felt more lonely with my ex as I couldn't be myself with him. I'm now learning to be myself again. I love just doing what I want having time for the children and just being me.

LadyFlumpalot - I didn't intend to be single, exH decided family life wasn't for him when the dcs were very small. I've been on my own ever since and haven't really felt the need to get involved with anyone else. (although tbf I live somewhere with a dearth of single men and I'm really not interested in OLD). I'm really happy and content with my situation now and realise he did me a massive favour! although I'll never tell him that!

I'm loving this thread. Just out of a long relationship and feeling very sad, lonely and unloveable, cannot imagine ever being close to or trust a man again.

Foundwantingalways - So sorry you're feeling this way. Just be kind to yourself and take this slowly. Try to enjoy the benefits of not being couple up, if you can. There are many, honestly

I'm also probably peri-menopausal and finding myself raging on a regular basis. The last thing I need is something else to rage about, and he used to get me ragey (ex). I have precisely zero interest in being part of a couple. God, even the word 'couple' enrages me. not a good day today

Coupled up, obviously. So ragey that I can't spell.

I felt like I was "on holiday" after my divorce, that excited contented feeling. I had the odd period of loneliness but that went off eventually.
I announced to my friends that I had no intention of ever having another relationship whilst drinking at my kitchen table one Friday night before we all went out.
I met dh 2 a few hours later

This is a great inspirational thread with some very positive posts. However, there are a couple of issues which would bother me if I were single in the future.

What happens if you get cancer or have a nervous breakdown? Who will suport you emotionally and give practical help ? Granted, you might have good friends, but if they have families they will be too busy for you.

The other issue is the worry of being alone in old age.

Although I am in a long term relationship, we have never lived together and for various reasons the future is uncertain.

I have no siblings or kids (too late now) and lost my DM at the end of last year. Her death hit me hard and I still miss her terribly especially when DP is being an arsehole. I suffered serious depression many years ago and cannot imagine dealing with mental illness or life threatening illness on my own.

I love freedom and value my personal and financial independence. I am fortunate in having my own business and a good inheritance. I do have friends (not enough though) but I have always lacked confidence.

Just wondered how other singletons would cope in the event of a crisis?

The Relationships board is full of "D"Ps who are the very opposite of supportive in a life crisis.

As a woman, you're probably going to end up alone in old age, whether you're happily married or not. Men just die at a younger age.

Interesting... I seem to know an awful lot of women in their sixties who are divorced. All of them seem to be lonely and unfulfilled. I feel divided. I often long to be on my own.. just tired of the same old same old. I love my husband but I have been with him so long and often feel I have lost my own identity. I think if you have lots of close friends it's probably okay, but for those who don't have close family and close friends, being alone can be very very hard.

I do think it's partly about how comfortable you are in your own company. Some people need to be around others, I'm quite happy pootling about on my own.
It's a good point about a health crisis and old age, but, as pointed out, a lot of women end up on their own anyway and many partners are crap in a crisis. It's the practical aspects of a crisis which are problematic - I feel I'm mentally fine to deal with them on my own with the help of a few close friends.

I love being single. In 5 years I've only had about 3 days where I've thought differently. I cannot imagine compromising my independence, personal space, having to justify my choices or apologise for my work hours or attend waxing appointments or waste all that sodding time and money and mainly time and energy dating and spend less time with my child and less time on me in the process. Nope, does not appeal.

Me too. The advantages massively outweigh the disadvantages.

I was married for 20 years and then had a live-in relly for three years but never found true happiness until I sacked it all off.

There are downsides [dealing with spiders, carrying heavy stuff, um thassit] and there's always the worry of locking oneself in the bathroom on Friday night and no one missing me until I don't show up at work on Monday. Added to all that I live two hours away from my nearest family and friends...but as has been pointed out upthread, most likely one out of every couple will end up alone at some point.

I go on holiday abroad alone every year as well as with friends. My decor is what I chose and paid for myself. I get to dance around in my pants or just slob on the sofa when I get home. Eat what I want, sleep late at weekends, control the remote.

Sometimes it would be nice to have a companion locally to share stuff with but I ain't trading what I've got.

I work with too many people who are with 'anyone rather than no-one'. I find that rather tragic.

I settled rather than being alone for 15yrs jumping from one relationship straight into another. I have to say I'd rather be lonely than losing who I am to someone else again.

In general men seem to struggle with their health more than women as they get older so the option of getting settled with a sick aging partner who has little or no awareness of my emotional needs really does not lure me in in the least!

I have a DIY emergency friend and other useful numbers so on a practical level things aren't too tricky.

Sorry I just don't find many men have very good coping skills and can offer me little or nothing in any personal crisis. Female company is better for an emotional issue when I am having a personal phase of worry.

I am part of a spiritual group so should I ever get sick or the dreaded C word comes to pass then I would turn more to them in my hour of need.

My XH left me coming up for eight years ago and the only time I’ve missed him is when the toilet got blocked and I had a bird trapped in my loft.

As my Mum said to me “Men, they’re such a disappointing breed”

Actually reading this thread has reminded me of what I now take for granted as I’ve been single so long. The first year or two I was like a child in Wonderland at how I could do xy or z but now it’s just my life ...

Eat what I like
Go on car journeys without a running commentary on every other drivers shortcoming
No sport
Candles nobody coming in switching on the overhead light
Bed to myself obviously
No having to deal with pathetic drunken nonsense every day
Wear what I like and slob about
Deal with my DC as I see fit
Do what I like at any given moment without recourse to anyone else

Basically it’s astounding how nice single life is and thank god XH left or I might never have known as I must confess to having been of the brigade of single life must be lonely etc etc. Having said all that I am glad I was married and I’ve had all the experience of a long marriage it helps me be utterly certain I would never live with someone again.

Someone upthread said what about when you become ill and I must admit I’m 51 now and seeing a lot of my friends develop health issues and I’ve wondered what I would do but hey that’s absolutely nowhere near enough to put up with all the rest of it

and then I can get straight back to my chocolate orange without feeling guilty life is sweet

Bet you didn't laugh as much as I did. I'm off to the shop for a vibrating gadget. And a chocolate orange

I was married for 20 years and grew to hate living with a man. I don’t miss my exH at all. He rarely did anything practical round the house so it’s been no hardship being a single parent.
I’ve recently started a long distance relationship. Neither of us were looking. We both have busy lives and caring commitments which mean neither of us is able to relocate.
It’s perfect for me as I get all the fun and romance without the boring bits.

I've been single for 7 years now and will never go back! One long term abusive relationship and that's it, I have no interest in ever being with a man again. I love being on my own with just my kids and making my own choices without having someone get angry/sulk/hurt/threaten me. I love the peace and I am slowly building confidence again.

I hate it when people say there is someone 'out there' waiting for me. No there isn't! Why are women seen as 'incomplete' unless they're in a relationship? It's insulting.

I'm happier on my own than I've ever been and I plan to stay that way!

Ooh my people!

I'm so happy in my own with dc. I do think relationships are all so often just a big "con" and even the women I know who are in "successful" relationships, they are clearly only "successful" down to massive sacrifices, compromises and huge amounts of work put in by the women. It's all seems grossly unfair and one sided - it is frankly pointless to me.

5 years alone now, but really I've been alone most of my life. I seems to have very low tolerance for BS.

My dc, my work, my friendships, my need for introspective alone time - all this adds up to a fairly full rich and busy enough life.

FWB and great vibrator take care of the sex bits.

I do have some things I think would be better/easier with a partner, but I do know that is more about the "fairytale" intruding, rather than any element of reality.

I also don't consider myself "single". It simply seems bizarre to define myself in terms of any "relationship status" and always has. I did used to fret more when I was younger, but now I'm older/wiser and I give very few fucks.

hate it when people say there is someone 'out there' waiting for me. No there isn't! Why are women seen as 'incomplete' unless they're in a relationship? It's insulting.

Yes yes to this.