Anyone quite happy to not be in a relationship?

[BigbreastsBiggerbeard]

Anyone else feel that they're quite content to not be in a relationship, and actually enjoy not having to make all the compromises having a partner brings?

Just the thought of entering another relationship these days is enough to make me come over all exhausted and need a long lie down with a good podcast

I love this thread SOOO much! It makes me laugh. :)

I am not bitter. I just know that relationships aren't the be all and end all....

It's wonderfully reassuring to hear how other people feel about not being in relationships. It IS bloody fabulous, isn't it?

There's so much pressure, both to be in a relationship and, once you're enmeshed, to do things that frankly, you just don't want to. That 'compromise' malarkey. Who wants to compromise?? not at all utterly self centred and stubborn

I just looked up 'compromise' and the definition is given as:

"the expedient acceptance of standards that are lower than is desirable."

So there we have it. Any compromise means that the end result will be shite. Don't do it

I've been single (or single-ish) for nearly 30 years, have never married or lived with a partner. I am quite proud of that. I have a 13-year-old DS and his father and I are on friendly terms (well, we are 'family' - it's just that the two of us could not live together without hating each other).

The main reason that single women are constantly nagged to Catch A Man is not, actually, for the women's benefit. It's because men/the patriarchy don't want women getting the idea that life is better when you don't have to service a man. Because then men would have to clean up after themselves...

I love this thread, I was starting to worry that there was something wrong with me as I don't want a relationship at the moment. Having come out of a 27 year marriage and a couple of 2 year relationships before that, I haven't ever really been single for any length of time. Last time when I was 17, now 53.

Well it's been 18 months and I'm loving it. 2 DCs living at home but they are 21 and 17. The best thing is freedom to do what I like whenever I like. If I were to date again, the perfect situation would be 2-3 times a week but no living together. My days of sleepless nights because of snoring, listening to him drone on about work and ironing shirts are long gone. I'm finally spreading my wings and no bloke is going to clip them again X

I also find quite a lot of the time I really enjoy being something of a hermit. I find being in my own company quite reassuring in fact. I seem to have certainly developed a dabhand for it! That said it is great to enjoy friendships with others but now it is winter I really can't be bothered to go out/start anything new and I don't feel any sense of lack for saying that. It is so much easier on our own I am just stunned that more of the world doesn't appreciate it.

I left my relationship of 10years this June after finally being sick of having four children instead of three. I realised I hadn't been single since I was 18 (now 34) as i had gone from my first bad relationship straight into an even worse one (the guy didn't even wash) the moment it was over the sense of relief was immense. I don't like sex so I don't miss that at all. I sometimes feel a bit weird having to make decisions for myself as I'm not used to it. I'm loving the evenings to myself and not having a smelly unwashed lump next to me in bed. I can parent the children how I want and even though I'm skint all the time I'm happy. With just the children and the cats (mad cat lady in the making). I can't see me ever being with anyone again and that's fine by me.

This is such a positive thread - very heartening.
I do wonder if women are raised to be more likely to compromise and it’s not having to do that anymore which makes single life so good.

I have now lost my sex mojo too and I think that is yet another reason I don't feel I am missing out (my age I think, soon 54).

I'm rather less interested in sex (well, in doing it) than I was in my younger days. I did go for about 7 years without having any at all, but then I did have a brief fling, which was fun, and have had a couple more since.
Because my work has always involved thinking about and writing about sex, I had loads in the past so I've got experiences to draw on for the present/future, and am not totally averse to having a bit more now and again. (The brief fling happened at a point where I had pretty much decided I would never have sex again, and whatever else, that chap did remind me that, even at the age of 50 with a few physical flaws, I was still desirable to some people, which is good.)

Polly - I too am surprised that more women are not extolling the benefits of being single. We really are conditioned to couple up. We're sold the benefits of coupledom but the drawbacks and downsides are never mentioned.

It's a bloody swindle.

Also, in reference to the sex aspect: it's so much easier and quicker to sort myself out and then I can get straight back to my chocolate orange without feeling guilty life is sweet

TMI, lynmilne65? Sorry

Totally agree with these responses, I have a lovely boyfriend who comes and stays at weekends, might see him an evening in the week too it works well; but if we split up I really cannot see going into another relationship as I am so happy and content in my own company. doing exactly what I want when I want :)

The main reason that single women are constantly nagged to Catch A Man is not, actually, for the women's benefit. It's because men/the patriarchy don't want women getting the idea that life is better when you don't have to service a man. Because then men would have to clean up after themselves...

Yes, the newspapers are strangely keen to run articles on how lonely 40- something women are, how desperate for babies and marriage 30-something women are, how there are No Decent Men around.....quick, bitches! Climb over each other to grab the Only Single Man left in the kingdom! etc.etc.....

Yet, when you look around, I would say that there are far more men desperate to be in relationships than there are women.

Totally agree stubbornstains the single men I have dated just seem to expect so much time and commitment I just can't hack it. Their expectations are way too high in terms of what they expect me to give. To be free whenever they are, to have no life unless it revolves around them or does not clash with their needs etc. lol.

and then I can get straight back to my chocolate orange without feeling guilty life is sweet

Oh bloody hell I laughed so much at this!

As its so true.

Yes, Polly... the expectations.. even though I am not in a! relationship, there have been a few blokes who have messaged me etc. If I do not respond to them in the time they feel I should have, they get all shirty with me. And I am not even in a relationship with them, just chatting. Sigh. Just cant do it!

My friend is currently feeling the lack of a partner. She's on a dating site and becoming increasingly disillusioned with many of her options. She appeared to be getting on pretty well with one particular guy and then out of the blue she received a text saying "Do you suck cock?"

To say she was upset is an understatement.

What the HELL goes on in a man's mind that makes him think this is what a woman wants to hear?

She'll come round to our way of thinking soon...

I’m married but I very often fantasise about being single. I don’t think I’d ever want a proper relationship again. I’d be quite happy shagging around when I felt like it however .

So true stubborn. I have a first date set up this weekend. Thought it would get me out of the house, meet new people etc etc. He has texted every day for the last ten days and I'm thinking of noping on out of there. I cannot be bothered with that level of communication.

Fs sometimes even myself and my best friend don't message for a good few weeks as we are both single parents with a lot going on.

It just seems really intense for someone you haven't even had a date with yet.

LadyFlumpalot - shagging around

And some chocolate oranges

Very much so. Love my independence. I cannot imagine living with a man again and am too busy with my life in general to bother with all that relationship stuff. Most of the men of my generation want a skivvy who will have sex with them. Younger men aren't interested thank heaven - I can't hack ego-polishing etc.

I was happily single when I met dp.
I wasn't keen on cohabitation so we only did it on my terms.

The things women put up with in relationships are ridiculous.

I don't see the merits in a 'partnership' where you can't eat what you want, sleep when and where you want, watch what tv you want, etc.

A man child is 100% unappealing.

As many men would seem to not understand raising a child unless they have actually had a very central role in it I find their lack of awareness and consideration very unattractive. At least women usually get children! They seem to think we should put them first or more often? No way. Children come first and me a close second sometimes it isn't much to ask! They just don't get it lol.

I'm not sure how I'd cope if I had children with a man. Makes everything so much more difficult. Glad I don't.

I've been single for just over ten years. Very, very, very occasionally I briefly think that it might sometimes be quite nice to have a partner again. But for the most part I'm happier single than I ever was in a relationship.

I love the fact that the house is mine and the bed is mine and the TV remote is mine. (Actually the TV remote is mostly my daughter's, to be honest.) But I can't really imagine ever sharing my space with a man again, not in the living together sense. And even a FWB would have to be pretty bloody special for me to even want to be bothered.

I have a small number of friends whose relationships make me feel really happy for them because they seem to have found the right balance with their partners/spouses. But so many more of my friends, family and colleagues seem to be really lacking in contentment. They don't seem to find any pleasure in the company of the person they are choosing to spend their lives with. I'd rather be alone and smiling than partnered up and miserable.