Anyone quite happy to not be in a relationship?

[BigbreastsBiggerbeard]

Anyone else feel that they're quite content to not be in a relationship, and actually enjoy not having to make all the compromises having a partner brings?

Just the thought of entering another relationship these days is enough to make me come over all exhausted and need a long lie down with a good podcast

I'm starting to think that relationships are a great big con that sell you a fairytale and deliver drudgery.

Nell- I agree with relationships being a bit of a con. That’s why there are so many disillusioned women (and men)

Dappledsunlight - I don't miss sex at the moment, but maybe I will at some point. I guess when that time arises I'll (possibly) seek someone out. However, I may just 'sort myself out' in that department. So much easier, quicker and again, I don't have to consider anyone else

I've been single 4 years now and I can't see me in another rship now and everyone I know seems to be in controlling rships and always thinking of the other person over themselves. I think it's getting to the point where men and women are giving up on rships and becoming long term single .. It's hard to find a partner these days and if im honest I'm too selfish now . I like my life without having to think of someone else .
Sex is over rated too .

Me. I've been single apart from one six month fling, for nearly nine years now. I have been married twice previously. I don't need to ever go down that road again and my children certainly don't need to have some random adult they didn't choose forced into their lives.

Relationships are very overrated but we all collude and promote them as the be all and end all. They're not. (Me = 'happily married but could quite happily not be in a relationship.)

dappledsunlight yes the sex is missed but I just can’t do the one night thing just doesn’t suit my psychology.

Also I think there is a weird calm beyond all that. I’m kind of liking being out of the competition.

Re the fairytale con, check this out. I often think of this artist when I read this page:

www.dinagoldstein.com/fallen-princesses/

my children certainly don't need to have some random adult they didn't choose forced into their lives

God, yes to this! This is exactly why I keep any bloke I am seeing at arm's-length!

I have a really great sexual relationship with a man who feels the same as me about living together, shared finances etc. We meet up every now and then and have lovely sex. I use contraception so I'm not worried about stds. It is possible you just have to look for it and not accept any nonsense.

Just the thought of getting naked with someone again fills me with dread. I just can't be arsed. I always exfoliate and file my hooves and I just want to be dry and crusty without worrying about what someone will think of me. Oh, and hairy.

I realise I'm painting a lovely picture of myself here. If I ever go on a dating site again (hahahahahaha) I'm going to put all this on my profile

I was, I was single for nearly 10 years and loved it. Had a great social life and simply couldn’t be arsed with relationships, didn’t have the time or inclination. I did have people I could see with regards to the physical side, but as a general rule never saw the same person more than 3 times, as this just led to complications.

To the poster who asked about sex - I have a FWB who I started seeing about 6 months after my divorce. We see each other about once a month when my DS is with his father. He has no involvement with my home or my child, he is not looking for a relationship either and he lives in a different city which is great as it means I don't see him around. We have fun together, few drinks, dinner and sex. Then he buggers off in the morning just the way I like it.

FWB can work if you are both completely on the same page. I'm a very practical person, my head rules over my heart so I'm good at staying emotionally detached which isn't always the case for some people.

Im starting to think that relationships are a great big con that promise a fairytale and deliver drudgery
Probably the best thing I've read on MN, maybe ever
Someone needs to start spoon feeding this to teenage girls instead of the happy ever after shit rammed down our throats, which usually results in us having to look after some grown male toddler

Widowed here. And no, I can't see myself being in a long term relationship again although I notice that a lot of people in my widow/widower groups seem to really miss being in a relationship.
I do miss dh but we built this life together and I can't imagine anyone else just fitting nicely in and I want to be the only one parenting our children. I don't in the slightest judge any widow who has managed to have a new relationship but it's not for me at the moment.

Wow Reflexella what amazing art by Dina Goldstein. Thank you for that link. Love it. Reminds me a little of Cindy Sherman.

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship at the moment though I miss the physical side. I'm not sorted enough to fall in love but miss sex.

I've got to restrain myself at the moment as I've met someone quite nice, he's divorced with kids, and obviously utterly loved his ex-wife.

If I wanted a monogamous temporary sexual relationship it would backfire as he'd had a stable marriage, he'd probably try to emulate the format without realising I just want stable sex with no infidelity, but no commitment and not much emotion at present

Well said Junebugjr, as someone in an increasingly distant marriage I totally get this. Too many people seem to put their happiness in other people’s hands

Split with my last BF about 18 months ago and I just do not want the mind-fuckery that too often accompanies relationships. We were only casually dating and yet he still managed to make things complicated. Now I have some really important stuff I need to focus on I can't get involved with anyone. Problem is when it's fun it's distracting, when it's going wrong it's distracting, and I really don't need any of that at the moment. I'd love a fuck buddy though as I'm really missing sex at times, but in my experience they can be too much hassle, and it's been the men who have complicated things by moving the goalposts and getting needy and emotions not me!

I don't use the term fuck buddy (although I wouldn't judge someone who did) I prefer the old fashioned 'lover'. I think the key is setting out your terms of engagement before you go to bed together the first time. And being really really clear. "I fancy you, I don't want to be in a tradional relationship, I want to see you every third Sunday and have dinner and sex, I do/don't care if you see other people, I do/don't want to text you in between, what do you think?"

I've been single since mid-2014 & I still get this thrill sometimes from the freedom. I think the difference between being single in my 20s & divorced now is that now I appreciate what I've got.

Good lord yes. If I ever do meet the millionaire of my dreams he'd better be satisfied with not moving in together. I can't picture anyone it would be worth giving up my independence for.

Oh yes indeedy!

What a great post! I always think of divorce and fantasise living on my own but just dating maybe for sex and holidays.I don’t ever want to live with a man again. Am not gaining anything in this marriage apart from stress and depression . At least we sleep in different rooms that’s the positive part. No bed sharing got sick of the snoring. Marriage/relationships are nothing but hell.

Oh yes, never going to share a house with someone again. Having my own space again is fantastic.
The sex side of things isn't a problem. I've had varying levels of casual relationships that sort out that side.

I don't think I ever want a relationship again in the traditional sense. I don't want to share my home or the majority of my time. I've tried and I find myself getting a bit resentful of them eating into 'me' time.

What I wouldn't mind is the odd date and several lovers on the go that read nothing more into it either

I had a wonderful 5 years single.

I'm in a non traditional relationship for 18 months where we don't live together etc and I have no plans to change that. See each other a couple of times a week, short trips etc. I'm very happy with this arrangement because at least I get sex

I'm a single mum and career focussed so living with someone again just makes me go 'nope".