Can you make me laugh?

[girlingerrupting]

I hope that doesn't sound judgy.... anyway my marriage is pretty tough at the moment, I'm working a lot of hours and not seeing my children or friends as much as I'd like. I could really do with getting my sense of humour back anyone with tips most welcome?!?

[tamepanda]

I gave birth on Monday, it was unbelievably quick 5 cm at 3pm & baby out at 4.24pm, had a few complications - baby had pooped & cord round the neck, cervix wasn’t dilating as quickly as they liked so I just had to push though it ... ended up in stirrups so they had to take the end of the bed off. As they tried to put the bed back together afterwards they hit me in the vag ... to which my response was “No! That’s only for exits”

[Worriedobsessive]

I fancy myself as a bit of a breasted Terry Nutkins and have just been wandering around my garden in my pjs, trying to identify a strange animal “call.” It’s been there most of the evening and I’d decided it was probably a lost baby fox looking for its mum, waiting for me to cuddle and play with it, blah blah. Anyway, it turns out that the noise was actually coming from my own nose.

The shame.

[FastWindow]

worried your cold must have affected your sense of hearing, but you painted a lovely picture!

[MistressDeeCee]

I've caught OH mournfully looking at his beard in the mirror a couple of times tonight. He is so very offended keeps saying to me, "the cheek of him, calling me Santa!". Then I have to mumble "yeah" in agreement and run off to hide and laugh again.

I posted on my phone earlier there was definitely a teddy icon God knows what that was all about. I need to know how to do the Santa one now

No we won't be allowed to be outrageously cantankerous when we're old, it'll be all pc to the enth by then. I'll still give it a try tho

[Gingernaut]

[thlbear]

[Gingernaut]

Nope. I tried to be clever and give the previous teddy a witch's hat.

[MistressDeeCee]

[brabenot]

My ds always makes me laugh. eg, me to ds "was your fish nice?" ds "dunno, never met him"

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

A baldy cat got on the bus, the driver said “where’s your fare”



Butsurely only works in Liverpool


I have a couple that only work in Washington in the North East.

Woman goes into a hairdresser's
"Give me a perm"
"I wandered lernly as a cloud . . "

And
"I was driving my car the other day and I was a bit careless. I hit a kerb. The Akela went crackers . . . "

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

These are great jokes - and that cat's pork scratching face - priceless!

(Love a black cat)

[girlingerrupting]

I have been laughing at all these this morning feels good to laugh!! The car one especially so eloquently put too and the cat face?!? Weird.

[girlingerrupting]

Your own nose!!! Awesome!

[Ollivander84]

He adores his pork scratchings
I was eating some, he ran off with one while purring, rolled all over it then crunched it in delight. Cheap treats I guess!
I do have a photo of him in a towel looking like E.T as well

[MorrisZapp]

What do you call two witches living together?

Broom mates!

I like that one as a pun, but more because of the idea of witches being room mates. Or lesbians.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

Sorry - that should be ASHINGTON in the north east, not Washington.

Dmn auto-effing-correct.