Oh Lolli, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. :( 
I hope we can help you to feel better.
@MrsBert your posts are always excellent.
@Lolli Yes, please do look back through this thread, and your previous one, and look at all the victories you've won, look at all you've overcome.
And also look at the responses to you, and how amazed we have all been by your grit, your patience, your resilience, your instincts, your intelligence, your unparalleled strength. Look at all of the times we have been in utter awe of you, Lolli. This place is not exactly known for blowing smoke just to cheer somebody up, either; the women here are frank and honest and quite blunt! Everyone here has been nothing short of astounded by you. We tell you that you're amazing and strong BECAUSE YOU ARE AMAZING! That is a fact!
You are THE Mama Bear!
You are the Amazonian Warrior Queen with a shotgun, waiting in the rafters to protect your precious babies.
You are The Most Badass Woman On Earth.
You have overcome the biggest obstacles. You have surmounted the insurmountable. You have fought the unfightable. And you have come out on top, never set a foot wrong, and even gotten the horrid system round to your side, all on your own, despite even your own shit bastard solicitors ballsing it up royally for you. What a feat! Every single bloody thing in the world has been stacked against you, personally, right from the out, and you have been conquering it all, all on your own. You shouldn't have to be this strong, and fucking hell if anybody deserves the easiest life it's you, but you ARE this strong, and you CAN do it, and it WILL all come out right in the end.
You can do this! Compared to everything else you've been through recently, this will be a cake walk!
And I think I may know why you're feeling this way right now. You spent ages worrying and afraid this weekend, fully expecting him to turn up and kick up a massive row, and he didn't, so all of those feelings, the fear, the worry, the anxiety, they have to go somewhere - much like if somebody stops the car on an incline but never lets off the brake to let the car fully settle, you can feel it and know that it's not finished, and you can't relax until the car does that little roll - IYSWIM? (Or is that only just me?)
Those feelings and that anticipation, they don't just dissipate so easily, so your brain has probably redirected them elsewhere. I think it's perfectly natural that would happen, honestly. And that is NOT to say your current feelings are not valid, of course, but only to say maybe that's where they've come from! I'm hoping that can help you, is all, because it does make sense to me.
No matter what, though, you fully deserve to get these feelings out and express them. If you need a shoulder to cry on, you've got hundreds of them right here. If you even somebody to shout at and take out the unfairness of it all on, I'd be happy to take that off you, and I'm sure there are others who would as well! Use us love, we are here to support you, and you know that we're listening to you! Anything you need, please please let us know.
xxx