Battling on!

[lollipop7]

So I'm starting a new thread following on from 0I don't know what to do" as we're almost full.
Blimey! How did that happen!

Seems lots of you are rather ruddy marvellous and want to keep going on this journey with me so I'm opening a new chapter.
Will be back with a proper update later 💐

Oh Lollipop that is grim.

Grandparents don't have any rights, so you don't have to agree to them seeing the children. In any case it's probably a back door way of getting the arsehole some contact time with them over Christmas, which surely is a breach of the court order?

That SW is either well out of order or out of her depth. She should be doing what is in the best interests of the children not the arsehole ex and his parents. Can you complain to a manager?

I would pass the Christmas cards on to your solicitor. If they are that bad and written to children, they are entirely inappropriate, and another indication that he is an unfit parent.

Please ask your Lawyers to ask the Judge to appoint a Safeguarder asap

dont' delay this any longer ...

lollipop Every type of abuse except physical violence, basically! I might out myself by giving more details here, but you're welcome to PM me to discuss it more privately.

@Gemini69 sadly the English equivalent is Cafcass or Social Services both of whom are falling short here 😓

@TidyLike yes I’ll PM you later!

I’m obviously some sort of magnet for professional fuckwits 😤

Can't you report the social worker? Surely that is utterly unacceptably unprofessional!

I don't know much about the process so might be wildly out of line here, but can you ask for a different social worker to be assigned to your case? This one doesn't seem to understand anything about the dynamics of abuse.

I hope you get the help you need, lollipop. You deserve so much better.

I'm sorry lovely.. I was unsure of your location geographically

@Gemini69 I’m starting to wish I’d shipped me and the kids off to a desert island the amount of luck and support we’ve had from the bloody system!

In other news today we got a solicitors letter about the dog and da,ages for personal injury
And as if that wasn’t enough a box full or Xmas presents. One addressed to my mother 🤷🏻‍♀️ with a note thanking her for looking after the children and inside was a calendar form him and the kids. Including the baby.

🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜🥜

I need to write the words “grey rock” on a piece of card and keep smacking myself in the face with it repeatedly until I become one.

That "Box of Presents" is ridiculous. I hope you are passing the note to you he police etc.
Has he been allowed "indirect contact" with the children? If not it's another example of him ignoring the courts.
As for the Solicitors letter, it's probably one of these "accident claim places", and it's unlikely they would be awarded much if anything, and in your circumstances it could be a long drawn out payment schedule, 2p a week?

Agree this is indirect contact and you should report to police and your solicitor.

just laugh quietly to yourself at everything he does and lodge it as more evidence of ignoring the court. At this rate he will end up with absolutely nothing, because he will have proven he cannot be trusted. Judges dont take kindly to being ignored

He really doesn’t care about court orders and judges does he

My little boy got into the little study with the presents in and opened some last night whilst I was dealing with a mega nappy.
He got one from him meant for my daughter. I read it and I felt really sick. He’s done one of those personalised books for her. All the character have names apart from Mummy and they re all his family, including the baby. At the end of the book is a personalised note in which he writes he dreams of her, can’t wait to hold her and it always going to be in her life, that nobody will ever stop that.

So I’m supposed to read this book to a 22month old child on Christmas Day am I?

So hateful and sinister. This is what I will have to put up with for the rest of my life. That’s three awful things from him this week all designed to upset me and reduced me to tears. Wreck my head.

It's hard but you are never going to be able to remove him completely as their father. I know it hurts but maybe best to just treat the presents as they are, presents from their Dad and family.

Trust me I understand completely how hard it is. Been there. It all seems so wrong the treatment behind the scenes is abusive, destructive and hurtful but they can buy presents etc and cover it all up.

Kids like presents - to a point. As they grow older they see what emotionally happens behind the scenes and they 'get it'.

He will lose interest anyway if he is as you describe.

Don't let him ruin your Christmas. It's over now. Presents are there. You shouldn't have to think about him now for a while. Focus on you, your children and family.

Have a nice Christmas OP

@NameWithChange thanks for the festive wishes same to you, it’s so bloody draining all these toxic antics though.

If they were just presents there wouldn’t be cards with nasty messages, disrespecting the fact the new baby has a different surname. There wouldn’t be presents for my mum to open when she’s made complaints and statements to the police. That’s bonkers. There wouldn’t be personalised books made up of fantasies entirely involving his absent and totally unhelpful relatives.
If they were just presents they’d be age appropriate and with a nice message like Happy Christmas, love Daddy xxx. Not the vindictive disruptive poison that’s aimed at me.

He was told he could send gifts and cards by the judge following my agreement. Not threats and insults. I have logged it with the police due to harassment allegations as he was warned to stop.
I’ve also told my solicitor who is escalating to the court as breach of another order and she says further evidence he needs psychiatric help. It’s also only damaging me as their mother and seeking to disorientate the children.
I’m pig fucking sick of it and I am not just going to take it lying down. All he cares about is pursuing his vendetta with me, not the children and that should matter.

Hi OP I haven't posted before. So sorry you are going through this. I haven't been through it with kids but I know what you are experiencing with the feelings of fear and panic and terror.

The main thing to help me has been going for specific trauma counselling as these counsellors are trained to understand how all this shit is constantly retraumatising you and will be able to teach you some ways to manage this. Plus they will be able to emotionally hold you at a deeper level than your average counsellor.

If you google CPTSD you may relate to some of the symptoms you are experiencing. It's not unusual for symptoms to feel worse after escaping a traumatic environment where you will have been trapped and constantly in survival mode (ie suppressing symptoms in order to cope).

Your whole system will now be in hypervigilant mode while you are constantly waiting for the next unpredictable thing from him, and sadly remaining stuck in this state plus anything more shit from him will both be retraumatising for you.

I would really urge you to google trauma counsellors if you can afford it and are able to go. I know it's hard with kids and a new born - but all of you will benefit from you feeling deeply emotionally supported.

I really do with you all the best with this awful situation. We are all with you.

I'd open the rest of those "gifts" And remove anything else that's toxic.

It's a good job DS found it and is too young to read.

Lollipop he ready is the pits of the earth. How evil to deliberately try to upset young children on Christmas day.

I think I would request a different SW since this one doesn't seem to understand that she is also finding against the court.

I think Avoiding DM is right: open all the presents, if you can bear to, and put everything toxic into a box to send to your solicitor as part of the proof that he's continuing to harass you.

I hope you have a happy Christmas with your children and your mum, and that things improve for you from now on.

I too would open the presents first before your children get to see them. I’d wrap things like the book back up because kids love opening presents - any presents - and your DD is too young to know what it says. Then shove it in a cupboard. Or the bin

Another one who thinks you should check what he’s sent the kids ahead of Christmas and remove anything inappropriate. Keep anything nasty as evidence of harassment and be wholly reasonable and re-wrap anything they can have for Christmas morning. They can even make him thank-you cards because you are such a reasonable, civilised lady. The fact that you need to double check presents is again evidence of how untrustworthy he is. Don’t let him give you any nasty surprises on Christmas morning.

I’ve checked the rest they’re ok.

My former neighbour rang me yesterday. He’s sent the street a card from him the kids and the baby. In it he’s been writing that I’ve decided to go and live at my mum’s that he’s going to be seeing the children over xmas. that’s a complete lie.
He’s mentally ill.
And some people wonder why I won’t let our tiny children be left alone with him? He’s not right in the head.

Trying to stop thinking about it for a few days now.

Ask if she would mind giving you the card as evidence?

Ask if she would mind giving you the card as evidence?

I might just do that.
Her son met him and thought he was “odd”
No! Really???