Battling on!

[lollipop7]

So I'm starting a new thread following on from 0I don't know what to do" as we're almost full.
Blimey! How did that happen!

Seems lots of you are rather ruddy marvellous and want to keep going on this journey with me so I'm opening a new chapter.
Will be back with a proper update later 💐

Oh Lollipop - you are a single mum coping with a new baby having had health problems on top of all the other ordeals . Having a bad night and lack of sleep makes you literally unable to think clearly. I can only image what it has been like for you to go through all these battles that seem never ending . To desperately want peace and for the justice system to play fair ( have experienced the system and been let down)
To summon up that inner strength to tackle another day when it feels such an effort. You have done and will do all of this for the love of your children. We are hear willing you along, giving that hand hold. Do what you feel you need to do but be kind to yourself. Take care

Chin up Lollipop, It's just another dip. Rest and regroup.

@lollipop7 oh my goodness lady you have poured so much of yourself into your children and all they shit that's going on that you are hitting rock bottom. Scrapping the barrel is not good. I'm happy to send you anything you need a wee boots voucher or primark voucher it is Christmas after all so you can get a nice new top and jeans or some cheapie makeup to tide you by until you are in your feet. Dw about the housing situation just imagine how nice it will be to have your own space with your babies. Keep an eye on local gumtree adds there are lots of free decent stuff often so kitting out the house with basics can be easier than you think. Please don't feel bad for accepting any help you can get you really need it at the mo and I get the feeling if it was someone else posting this in a couple of years time you would be doing anything you could go help too.

Big hugs @lollipop7 nothing can break a women like having no sleep and a newborn, of course your going to feel lower than a snakes bollocks, don't get me started on the hormones and breastfeeding yada yada :( whatever happens we are all behind you xoxo

Oh Lollipop, I haven't posted very often but I really wanted to send you my best wishes, I feel so unbelievably frustrated for you, you are amazing and I really hope you get your fight back although I can completely understand why you feel so completely exhausted. I pray you get that man out of your life and you and your children can finally be safe and happy.

@Lollipop7 just popping in to say hi. Hope you're taking a break and chilling out a bit. Don't give up. Things will be ok in the end.

Don't often post, but I am thinking of you! You are such an amazing mum and doing a fantastic job!

Lollipop7 I am just thinking out loud here but is it worth going into a refuge? I'm just thinking more along the lines of feeling safe, support and professional help you could be getting, rather than trying to do this all yourself. You're human, just had a baby and have had months of hell to endure. Don't be so hard on yourself .

Hey lollipop. I know you're feeling so incredibly low, and I know it's so ridiculously hard right now to see through the fug of sleeplessness and hopelessness- but you do have an army of supporters here.
Come to London, bring the baby and kids. I'll have the baby for a few nights from my sofa bed, you can take the kingsize in my room if you can find it amongst my floordrobe
You can rest up, my dc can play with yours and we can all fight for the bathroom and have a ridiculously indulgent few days while I run around after you and you rest.
Genuine offer. Not one that has a time limit either- although fair warning, mine get up at 5 7am 😄

I hope you come back to tell us you're feeling better. You're really important- lots of us feel that way. We want you, little lollipops, baby c and doggy lollipop to have the best life possible.

Lots and lots of unmumsnetty love

Hope you are feeling a bit better. You sound exhausted not surprisingly. Everything seems darker when you are tired.

You have done amazingly to get away from him. You really have.

Really wish we could do more to help.

Thinking of you

Lollipop I hope your a bit better today. Your a fab mum to those kids. Pity their father is such an arse.

Sending love. I also have some baby clothes if you want them.

Thinking of you tonight X

Oh @lollipop7 you haven't led us on in terms of emotional investment. I am still in utter AWE of your strength and resilience in the face of a monster. Through illness, pregnancy, poverty and god knows what else you fought him with everything you had.

You've left him and in time your children will choose not to see him too. I think you are right he will 100% lose interest in them when he realises he can see them.

He is a monster, but kids are resilient and they will bounce back; especially with you as their mum.

Wishing you the best of luck and peace for the future x

Sorry to have not replied for a few days, that was petulant.

I’ve had a really awful weekend. Still don’t know about the adjournment. Guessing it’s a no. I fainted on Saturday late afternoon which was fun, so on top of everything else I’ve got a ump on my head and my arm has badly bruised.

I’ve not heard a thing from his employer re my complaint so he’s probably go away with that. A utilities supplier emailed ,e yesterday saying they’d spoken to my partner about our comp,ain’t regarding booking a service and he was happy with the cheque they’d sent. So now he’s opening my mail and trying to use policies I’ve cancelled. He’s a fucking loon.

The thing in all of this is I have three tiny children. The oldest is not even four but he is adamant he will not and does not want to see his father again, he is recalling things he did to him with remarkable and consistent lucidity. He’s also told his nursery staff. My HV saw how his behaviour had deteriorated after his visit. The Police are looking st my DASH form being heard at MARAC as it scored 23( High risk is voter 14 how they have all been how much worse can it get)

He won’t look after them properly he is useless and remiss at best best cruel and nasty at worst)

I can’t let him take them somewhere I am terrified something awful will happen and despite the evidence nobody is doing anything about it.
More to the point my son is terrified.

I either face being held in contempt of court and getting into serious trouble which could lose me my children or let them go watching them holding their arms out to me screaming and sobbing for me whilst being driven off to somewhere I don’t even know where.

This is literally killing me

hugs I don't know what to say, lolli. It sounds shit.

But don't worry about taking a break from MN if you need to. Everyone here knows you're under extreme pressure, and no one wants to add to that by making you feel you need to update us. We're here if you need us, and if you don't want to post, that's ok too.

Ring Women's Aid Lollipop and see if they can give you any more help.

Have you tried Rights of Women?? rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/. They have a legal helpline you could try. Sorry if you already have. Have you had your iron levels checked by your GP? I'm so sorry you're dealing with all his crap still .

No advice Lollipop but sending huge but gentle hugs.

Don't feel pressure to reply to this thread. We are all behind you 100% but that doesn't give us a right to an update on your life. Xxx

Mum has said she'll pay for my solicitor for a while to see where things go.

Police have given me a good update for tomorrow, which given I've hard nothing must be going ahead.

I still don't understand how breaching three court orders shouldn't mean the judge tells him to fuck off. I haven't actually breached a thing but he can just coming back and asking for more? Bonkers.

I did have to laugh the other day. Apparently because there are criminal allegations surrounding him he can't use a contact centre. But he can take his two tiny children off anywhere with his parents for a day out. Sorry but that is a total disgrace.

There really is no justice and children who are deemed too young to speak up according to the Law are just thrown to the wolves.

Can I ask you all a question.
If you were me and he gets contact but you'd seen him hurt and terrorise one of your little children what would YOU do?

Lolli
Please get your mail redirected to your mother's house.

www.royalmail.com/personal/receiving-mail/redirection
How have they let him claim on a cancelled policy, and make sure you are not still paying for it....
As for your last question- I don't know...... Iwould be tempted not to let him see them but that would put you back into the Court for contempt. Is there anywhere/any one you could trust to supervise?

I am sorry lovely I don't know. I would have hoped that the legal system would protect them but as you are seeing it doesn't.

I am pretty certain that you are doing all you can to protect them. The only 2 reasons I know that prevent a court from awarding contact are risk of serious harm to the dcs and that the children seeing the father causes so much stress to the mother that it affects her ability to care for them.

The problem with the second option is that if you seriously lose the plot he will claim that you are not fit enough to care for them.

The first option has to be proved and I assume social services/cafcas have to have real concerns and there bar for good parenting is pretty low.

I realised long ago when going through all this that tho ex was a complete cunt, a shit father, didn't take good care of dd and was emotionally abusive that the law says that a relationship with someone like this was more beneficial to dd than not having a relationship with her father. It's fucking shit. It's heartbreaking and you feel fucking useless. It broke my heart every fortnight dropping her off. Then I worried for 48 hours until she was back with me.

It does get easier though. She came back dirty, hungry with matted filthy hair and a bag full of sweets. She ate mcdonalds and crap from Friday afternoon to sunday teatime. He didn't clean her teeth or bath her. Her clothes would be filthy. And they either watched tv all weekend or went round to his mates house.

I worried constantly what she was being exposed to. She always smelt of cigarette smoke as did her clothes. I bought her a coat purely to have at her dads as I couldn't send her to school smelling like an ashtray.

It got better as she got older. And she stopped seeing him earlier this year. Her choice. She was 12.

I think you have to accept he will get contact. Whether it is supervised contact initially or not is irrelevant because they will move towards unsupervised contact. I think you will drive yourself insane trying to stop it. Unless the police press charges on him assaulting your dcs court won't be particularly interested in what he has done to you as it is the dcs they are deciding on.

I am really sorry I can't be more positive for you. But the reality is he will get contact moving towards unsupervised contact. The only thing you can do is fight for as little as possible and as supervised for as long as possible. I really am sorry

Well then I should have just stayed because I've probably condemned my childre to a date worse than my own. At least when he hurt my son and terrified him I was there.
.
It's not dirty clothes and crap food I'm worried about it's being thrown down stairs, being left in bathes that are too deep and hot, no care for their dignity or happiness . He shoved food down my sons throats, he humiliated him, he has slapped him, called him special needs.

I can't allow my children to be consigned to this until they're old enough to say no thanks. It will be too late then

I might as well be dead the use I am to them

This has all been for nothing.
My life will be over if he gets any contact to these children because I know he will use them to terrify me.

It really has all been for nothing

I can't even keep them safe and don't anyone tell me anymore I'm amazing or I've protected my children because the reality is NO I FUCKING HAVEN'T I'VE ACTUALLY RUINED THEIR LIVES.

I can't keep doing this thread
I can't keep hoping we are all doomed

I am going to get these useless pathetic threads that amounted to nothing deleted. I wish someone had just written "go back. Your life is shit anyway but the least you can do is not leave your children even more vulnerable than what leaving has done"why didn't somebody just tell me that. I was used to feeling dead inside and miserable. Now that's the least of my worries

All
For
Nothing
I
Have
Failed
My
Children