Using location-tracking apps in a relationship - AIBU?

[MichelGarnier]

A female friend told me she has one of those apps on her phone. Her DH is a driver and often works nights so she says she has it so if anything happens to him she would know where he was. But she also uses it at other times, e.g. she watched him stop off somewhere coming home once and asked him when he got back where he'd been and then when he said "nowhere" she was like well I watched you go here. I think her DH might have it for her too but I don't know if he uses it or not.

AIBU to think if it was him coming out with these kinds of comments we would all say it's controlling and weird? I was a bit when she told me.

She sounds like a fruitloop. How is that legal?

Of course it's legal, why wouldn't it be?

It's weird, but apparently quite common. There was a thread here recently full of women who think its a perfectly reasonable thing to have, for their partners and themselves.

I'd find that completely controlling.

It's not illegal.
I wouldn't like it though.
Having said that, I might have managed to find out far earlier on, that my ExP was a cheating fucking shit if I'd had it for him.
But hey-ho - we are where we are.

There have been times that DP has had to work late unexpectedly or lost track of time and hasn't heard his phone. For times like those, I'm glad because one quick look and I know he's still at work. Short of something happening at work (where I'm his emergency contact so hopefully would soon hear) I know he's safe. If he's just set off late I can see he's moving. Of course, if he's sat in stationary traffic for a few minutes I start to panic and keep calling...
Also, we're both terrible for losing our phones, and losing them when they are on silent. Find my iPhone has a handy play a noise button, which even plays when the phone is silent. DP has a new non-apple phone and I haven't been able to log in online for some reason... I've not had my phone for 2 days and still can't find the blasted thing!

It’s horrendous.

And I say that as someone who was convinced to use Find my Friends by an ex: who said he needed to know when I’d be home/if I was delayed/when to put tea on etc.

There’s no good reason. It’s one of those things that makes people feel secure because they’ve got a way to track someone; a way to know everything. It’s unhealthy.

How can I get one of these please. My husband drives long distance and I do worry.

What the actual F.

It's bonkers that. If I felt that insecure with someone I wouldn't be with them. It's a complete invasion of privacy.

Posted to soon.
DP uses it for me for the same reasons. It's always a back up after we've tried calling, or just if one of us has left our phones somewhere.

But then we also don't try to catch each other out with lies. If we've noticed the other one somewhere expected we either ask about it or discard it as one more irrelevant bit of information from our day to day lives. I trust my DP and he seems to trust me.

I'd also think it's a great idea for children/teens when they start going out on their own. It's just a safety feature.

I know someone who tracks their 30 year old son with it! WTF

Like RafikiIsTheBest, we (DH, ME & DD1) have it on our phones to see where some one is for example DD1 has a mile and half walk home from school and not many people walk the same way, she feels safer (she is 13) knowing we can check her whereabouts if need be.

I would HATE this.

I have nothing to hide, but quite like going off and doing my own thing and knowing no one knowing where I am. Tonight, for example, I'm going to the gym after work. I haven't told DP because he'll probably not be home before me anyway so why should it matter. I would be really annoyed to be tracked

DP and I both have them on our phones but we only actually activate them in specific circumstances eg if he is away driving so I can see when he is heading back, or when I leave from a night shift in case I don't make it home

The other thing that rarely gets mentioned is the security. Professionally I wrote to both Apple and Google requesting information on how safe these were - after all; if you’re letting some people track your movements and know exactly where you are, are you letting everyone?

Their answers were largely unhelpful.

For times like those, I'm glad because one quick look and I know he's still at work. Short of something happening at work (where I'm his emergency contact so hopefully would soon hear) I know he's safe

No you don't. You know where his phone is, that's all.

DH and I have it. Means I can see how long till he’s home so no need to call him when he’s driving. Also if I have an accident horse riding he can see where I am. We only really use it if the other one is late home.

I use a tracking app and have it on my kids phones too. I think it's a good idea to know where people are without ringing when in traffic etc. Have some friends on it too and use it when we're meeting in town or something.

I think as long as everyone knows it's there there's no issue. I love it.

PS if i was going to have an affair I would just stop sharing my location and claim bad signal anyway

Tracking your partner with GPS is beyond fucking weird.

Is it the final way of depriving people of even a modicum of freedom and privacy?

I have it. I go running or horse riding alone and if I fell off and was injured I want someone to be able to find me if I am passed out in the woods or field or whatnot! It was also helpful once when DH left his phone ‘on a job’ but we didn’t know which one. But apart from that we don’t use it. Don’t feel the need to ‘track’ each other. It’s for emergencies.

I think the key is, we both have it, both consent to it and don’t abuse it. Like many things in a relationship it could be used as a tool To enable abuse or controlling behaviour. But in an equal and trusting relationship it has its benefits. I am happy to be tracked if needs be. I am not up to anything suspicious and I have a DH who respects that fact that I have the right to go where i please and trusts me. I appreciate not everyone is as fortunate.

I wouldn't ever have my location tracked and I wouldn't dream of tracking my boyfriend