Using location-tracking apps in a relationship - AIBU?

[MichelGarnier]

A female friend told me she has one of those apps on her phone. Her DH is a driver and often works nights so she says she has it so if anything happens to him she would know where he was. But she also uses it at other times, e.g. she watched him stop off somewhere coming home once and asked him when he got back where he'd been and then when he said "nowhere" she was like well I watched you go here. I think her DH might have it for her too but I don't know if he uses it or not.

AIBU to think if it was him coming out with these kinds of comments we would all say it's controlling and weird? I was a bit when she told me.

We have it, as do our teenaged kids. I can’t remember the last time I looked at it for any of them. Dh runs and cycles long distances and used to work a couple of hours drive from home, but I’d still just call him if he’d been gone too long.

The sum total of its use in our house seems to be the kids occasionally busting us going for sneaky breakfast/coffee and cake without them.

Totally normal, loads of people have find friends enabled. I have most of my family on there, it’s handy when visiting siblings for us to be able to see where each other are.

Snapchat has this visual tracking feature via a location map built into it... for users.. you need to deactivate it to stop anyone in your contacts being able to see exactly where you are.. unless you''re not really bothered of course...

I have all location services off all of the time.

I wouldn't want anyone to know where I am all of the time.

I’ve got find my friends , with DH and DS ( he’s 22 , living and working away from us )
They’ve got me on too , and DS and his GF on his too ( and he’s on hers )
I don’t think it’s controlling , it’s normal

We have one for us and the DC. We call it the stalker app. It's controlling when used by controlling people, like most things I guess.

Tbh I don't think it would reassure you if you were using it to "track" your partner - it's easy to turn off or leave your phone on your desk / in your car. So I'm not sure what good it would be for anything other than practicalities.
This. Which any relatively intelligent person would realise.So why do ppl keep going on about it being used by fruit loops who don't trust their partner?
Back to OP, no, i wouldn't see it as controlling, etc. She saw he had gone somewhere in particular which he didnt mention, so she asked about it. Have I missed an update in which she then went on to accuse him of visiting prostitutes/ow there?

I didn’t even know it existed on my phone. Just found it. That’s fucking horrible!

I would hate to find out anyone had added my number to that app on their phone. Awful and feels very intrusive.

Can people really add others without their permission?!

I would see this as a massive invasion of privacy and if my DP rang me every time I stopped in traffic I would be mightly pissed off
Bit of an exaggeration there average, dont you think?

No Fritz! I agree with Average. I’d leave someone who called me every time I stopped in traffic.

How can I get one of these please. My husband drives long distance and I do worry.

Assuming you are being serious:

• If you use iOS you already have Find My Friends.
• The Google Play Store has many such apps.

Haha. So would I, but who's going to do that?! Everytime?

Me and Dh and DD use 'fine my friends' on our apple devices. I don't use it to track DH but He's a DJ and works nights and sometimes if I wake up and wonder where he is I'll check the app to see if he's left the club. I've also occasionally used it to see when he's going to be back for tea. I track DD a lot but she's 13 so that's to be expected.

Dh says he's never checked where I am but he could if he wanted to, it wouldn't bothere me.

For the app we use, everybody joins the group themselves.

My DH doesn't phone me every time I'm stuck in traffic. That would be a controlling use of it.

We have it. Its really handy as I know when I need to put the dinner on. Its not like I am constantly checking up on him and we have nothing to hide. Don't find it weird at all. Just handy from time to time.

And no, you can't add ppl without their permission single. Btw, I was making the point to average that AFAIK noone on here has said they phone everytime dp stops in traffic...Which would be ott.

Both DP and I have it on our phones.
Initially we thought it would be great so we could see where each others phones were when we lost them. Then we realised to locations weren't that accurate. Then I started using it to see what time he would get home from work so I could time dinner for when he got in. Then I realised actually I'm not the domestic goddess I thought I was and he ended up with plenty a cold dinner.
Now though, it is incredibly useful. DP works around a large city and moves from place to place throughout the day. It's great to sometimes check it and find out he's nearby my favourite shop that sells my favourite food. It's rare that it happens but when it does it makes me very very happy.
I once checked and it showed DP as behind some bins in a supermarket car park. I text him and told him even the cheapest of prostitutes take their clients to a hotel and could he be a bit more private about it so he didn't drag the rest of the families good name down...
Find my friends isn't very accurate at the best of times. I find it easy to believe some people have been "caught" stopping somewhere when in actual fact they were driving past.
The dot is the persons phone, that circle surrounding the phone is a radius which shows that person/phone could be anywhere within that larger circle.

That’s a bloody relief!

(Although I too thought a PP said she called her husband panicking every time he was stopped in traffic but maybe I read incorrectly).

It is so scary. George Orwell was amazingly prescient; what is especially startling is the way people are welcoming intrusion into every area of their lives. We have partners' tracking one another's and their children's location and insurance companies tracking 'how' we drive. Soon people will be wearing devices signalling their heart rate etc (some already are, I think).

It is like a dystopian fantasy come to life.

Of course, Big Brother is only watching you in your own best interest....

I don't think these apps are good for people who already have trust issues though. I can imagine going nuts if I were one of those people checking it all the time to make sure he is where he says he is.

We use find friends. DH has a long commute, so it's handy for me to be able to see how much progress he's making and thus when to start cooking dinner, or whether to go and start bedtime with DS or to keep him up to see Daddy. I used to travel for work a lot, and DH could watch my train coming in and be ready to pick me up. I also have my mum on there, she likes to see if we're making headway when we go to see them (it's a long way) and I can quickly look to see if she's at home before I call (she's a shift worker and I don't like to disturb her at work with calls or texts as it looks unprofessional for her).

It's useful for us. But we all know it's there and are happy with how we use it.

I think this is more of an issue with coming to terms with new technology than anything else.

When mobile phones were introduced a lot of people did not like to be able to be contacted whenever.

When social media came in many were not up for losing privacy to putting your life online.

I used to think mobile tracking was weird. Now it feels normal and I’d happily share my location with my DP. Because he’s not controlling and neither am I, so what’s the problem with knowing where we are to each other? We can always turn it off, neither or us would mind.

I also have it for my teenagers, not sure what they think, but it gives me peace of mind.

I think the majority of us will have this in our families as a normal thing in 10 years.

What I think we do need to be wary of is data held by a few huge global companies like Apple. Legislation should be bought in.

I think controlling relationships use anything, like someone being a bit late or checking phone records, gps isn’t going to make someone more controlling. New technology also means we hopefully have better access to support to get out of an abusive relationship, or even give our location gps to a trusted Family member if we felt under threat from an ex - with a panic button.

I like it! DH watches me if I go out for a long run and I check to see how far from home he is before I put dinner on. Nothing at all wrong with that

I would never agree to someone adding me (nor would I want to know their whereabouts). I don’t have anything to hide and trust pretty damn well but no one needs to know where I am (and vice versa) 24/7.

I find the concept horribly intrusive.