Using location-tracking apps in a relationship - AIBU?

[MichelGarnier]

A female friend told me she has one of those apps on her phone. Her DH is a driver and often works nights so she says she has it so if anything happens to him she would know where he was. But she also uses it at other times, e.g. she watched him stop off somewhere coming home once and asked him when he got back where he'd been and then when he said "nowhere" she was like well I watched you go here. I think her DH might have it for her too but I don't know if he uses it or not.

AIBU to think if it was him coming out with these kinds of comments we would all say it's controlling and weird? I was a bit when she told me.

DH and I have this on our iPhones.
I can see how it could be misused by someone who’s the controlling sort, but it’s got it’s (non-stalkery) uses.

It’s very useful when DH mislays his phone, for instance. Last time I used the location tracking app, DH had come home all upset, lost his phone, he’d looked all over, retraced steps, spent an hour searching, we’ll have to cancel the phone etc etc. I used the location tracker to see where his phone was - turned out he’d dropped it under the seat in his car when he’d opened the car door with his arms full of stuff

I hate this and I find it worrying that it’s become so commonplace.

Tracking your partner is creepy, whether they’ve agreed to it or not. I want to be able to go out with friends spontaneously, or pop to my mum’s after work without getting texted or called because I’m not where I’m “supposed to be”.

If I’m going to be late home, I’ll text. I don’t need to be tracked on my phone to make sure my dinner doesn’t go cold!

I just don’t get it. We are walking into a surveillance society and people are happy about it. Odd!

They are clearly taking the Soma!

CCTV cameras everywhere, internet tracking history saved by ISPs, locations tracked. And all to improve our ‘user experience’, deter terrorism and even have dinner on the table in time.

We currently have a relatively benign government but all the apparatus for a totalitarian/police state in place. Any form of disaster coupled with a leader with totalitarian leanings could lead to a declaration of a state of emergency.

We take our hard won freedoms very lightly if we are prepared to trade them for a (very) slightly easier life.

The app ia only creepy if used by creepy people.

Not really, because you’re willingly sharing your location and data with your phone company regardless of what you personally use it for.

You’re essentially allowing your location to be tracked by global corporations - in what universe is that a good thing?!

I wouldn't like the idea of that. But it's their relationship and if her partner isn't protesting then does it really matter if a load of outsiders say "controlling" or "weird" really? Aspects of your relationship may be weird to them. We're all different. To be honest if this were my friends' marriage I wouldn't be invested enough to start a thread about their doings. If the DH isn't worried about being asked where he was then you don't have to worry. Actually even if he didn't like it, you don't have to worry either.

We have find my friends but only use it very occasionally, usually because DP is perpetually bloody late and doesn't have hands free in his car, so I'd rather take a quick look and go 'oh, he'll still be 15 minutes so I can have a cuppa rather than waiting by the door' instead of making him feel like he needs to illegally faff with his phone to put it on speaker when he's driving.

He has it for me and I have no idea how often he looks at it, but it's helped me find my lost phone on more than one occasion!

Pretty weird! Even tho I’m always where I say I’m going to be I wouldn’t appreciate someone checking my location tbh

This is one of those things where it's really the use to which it's put, rather than the app itself, that is potentially dubious.

When I was on maternity leave I asked DH to text me when he left work - so l knew how many more hours I had to stretch my sanity. He said he wouldn't remember and installed one of these for us. He has a long commute and leaves at varying times, so come 6pm he's equally likely to be just round the corner or still at work (an hour and a quarter away). After 11 hours alone with the baby I REALLY needed to know when I could expect a second pair of hands.

I would respectfully suffered that at least some of the people saying "that's terrible! always terrible!" simply haven't yet found themselves in a situation where it's useful to them....

Suffered?! *suggest!

Freudian slip. They were LONG days.

We have fidn my iPhone set up for each other on our phones.
I tend to look at it if tea is something that requires being served immediately after cooking (rather than something that can be kept warm until needed) if DH is stuck in traffic I know to hold off or if he’s popped into town and I remember something I need I can see if he’s near the shop I need or if he’s on his way home.
DH uses it when I’m travelling home from somewhere long distance so he knows I’ve not broken down/crashed somewhere with the kids. Not sure when else he looks at my location but it really doesn’t bother me, I have nothing to hide and if he rang me to ask where I was I’d happily tell him every time so not bothered he can look without asking me.

I'd find this strange.
For example, sometimes I might drive home from work the "long way round", just to get a few extra minutes of decompressing/thinking time before getting home. If I knew DH could casually glance to see where I was, I'd probably end up making up excuses about traffic problems to explain why I'd deviated from the quickest route. Not that he'd care at all, but it could introduce complications where there were none before.

We both have it in our phones, nothing to do with trust. He has a long commute and I usually check where he is on the way back (can’t phone as he’s driving) so it’s useful as when I get back from work I can check if he’ll be back in time to take kids places etc. Really don’t care that he can see where I am - we only use it for practical purposes and you can always disable it whenever you want (not that I ever have).

DD and I have Find My Friends, she put it on my phone so I would know she had gone in safely after a night out at Uni. I had never heard of it, but it isn't always accurate. I find on a Saturday morning she is frequently showing as being several streets away from her house then the signal adjusts itself and she is back home.

I don't think she uses my whereabouts much unless she knows I am in Tesco and she wants me to pick up goodies.

All her housemates and friends have each other on it, they use it constantly between them to check whose home if someone has lost/forgotten a key, needs to listen out for a parcel, which part of the campus they are on etc.

It has its uses.

Thing is, I wouldn’t have wanted my mum to know where I was when I was at university. If I wanted to go to Outer Mongolia on a whim, it wouldn’t have been anything to do with her and her being able to see I wasn’t ‘safely at home’ would have worried her unnecessarily.

Fritz

If he's just set off late I can see he's moving. Of course, if he's sat in stationary traffic for a few minutes I start to panic and keep calling...

Maybe you should read the whole thread i am not exaggerating , I get stuck in traffic every morning and every night and wouldn't want a call every time I stopped...

DH, DC and I use Find My Friends on our iPhones but I don't consider it stalking. It's useful for the following...

• If my DH were to have an accident on a bike ride.
• Knowing when DC are returning home from school events
• Not having to phone the other person when they're driving to find out when they'll be home.

It's a useful tool for us as a family but i'd happily give it up if any one of them objected to it.

Maybe you should read the whole thread i am not exaggerating , I get stuck in traffic every morning and every night and wouldn't want a call every time I stopped...
I did read the whole thread thanks average. I don't think you're exaggerating as my dh also gets stuck in traffic every day, even if its just for a few minutes. I also believe most ppl would get pissed off if they were phoned every time they stopped in traffic.
However, I have obviously missed the poster who said they would phone on every occasion of dp stopping in traffic. I was under the impression that your comment was equating ppl who do this with ppl who use the app, in a negative manner. Apologies if this is not so.

To be clear, the exaggeration i referred to was the impression that everyone using the app would phone every time dp stopped in traffic, as we are all that paranoid. Not.

Me and my DH use iPhone location finder quite often. We car share and when driving don’t answer the phone but DH can see where I am to be ready to be picked up. The route we drive is notoriously bad for accidents.

DH is also useless at answering his phone so it can be useful at other times too.

It depends how paranoid you are as a couple as to whether it’s weird etc.

No problem Fritz .. I think some people are very paranoid and only they know if they have reason to feel that way .

My DH both use find my iPhone all the time to see where we are. We have no concerns about cheating etc and I have nothing to hide from him. I can see that in some relationships it could be used to be controlling but it's not in ours.

Yesterday DH was picking me up from the hospital and I used it to see when I should go and stand outside in the cold, I think it's great!

AFAIK noone on here has said they phone everytime dp stops in traffic...Which would be ott

Yes they have. Someone said this:

If he's just set off late I can see he's moving. Of course, if he's sat in stationary traffic for a few minutes I start to panic and keep calling

Ooops sorry^ I see my above post has already been discussed.

Phoning every time someone stops is silly. Half the time the apps are inaccurate anyway. However this is also true of people who expect responses to texts immediately, or would check browser searches every time.