Reading husbands text message

[juwayriyyah31]

I come across so many people feeling bad for reading their husbands messages. 'I know I shouldn't hve done it' etc... I thought it was normal to read each other's messages and there's nothing wrong with it. Me and my husband hve free access to each other's phones etc And I find it part of the trust in our relationship . But some people might see it as invading his privacy. What are your opinions ?

I agree with doing what works for your relationship. I think DP would be smart enough to either delete messages or use a different method of contacting people if he were up to no good anyway so it doesn't really have any effect on our trust to be honest.
we're also quite lazy and will ask for texts to be read to one another if the other person is closer to our phone/we're busy cooking dinner etc. He's the only person I would trust to do that though.

Sometimes, friends or family might want to talk to me about something they would feel uncomfortable with my partner knowing about. If they felt unable to confide in me because they knew my partner was reading all my text messages, that could inhibit my relationship with them, and prevent them from getting the support I might be able to give them.

I wouldn't read DH's because they would be so boring however I have some hilarious ones on mine, which I read to him.

DH and I are like you. We openly share phones, photos, text messages, emails, everything. We have each other's passwords and PINs to everything, just in case we may need them in an emergency.

If his phone is nearer to hand for some reason, we'll use his for whatever phone-thing is needed; if mine is nearer, we'll use mine. We share our phones' cameras and photo galleries nearly seamlessly. If my hands are full and I need to read/reply to a text, I'll ask DH to open the phone, read it to me, type the reply, and vice versa. If he's driving, he'll ask me to open his phone, scroll through the last bloody year of texts or emails to find one recipient, then type out the message - as if this mundane message were urgent and needs to be done right now so of course I can't ever have a moment's peace when he's driving...

The only time either of us has ever tried to angle the screen away from the other is when we've been plotting birthday gifts with in laws or planning some other kind of surprise for the other.

BUT that said, I fully understand that we are not exactly the norm. We're strangely close (co-dependent, most likely, if I'm honest) and weirdly similar, to the point we're only half jokingly convinced that one of us is a figment of the other's imagination, we're just not sure which is which.

I have no opinion one way or the other on how other people conduct their phone business within their marriage and wouldn't ever judge anybody whose phone is private to them. Most people I know consider their phone to be private to them, and that's just not even my business. Sharing is just what works for us, and I have no right to and wouldn't dare try to impose my way upon anyone else or judge anyone else for the way they use theirs.

My cousin and her dh share a phone, and my sil and her dh share a phone so they can't really avoid reading each others messages.
I think this is maybe not too uncommon in older couples? I'm not really sure. I could easily read dh's texts if I wanted to, but I never have. Dh could read mine if he wanted to, I don't have a pin code but I don't think he has either. It's never come up in conversation.
And like a pp, there has been an occasion or two when one of us has no battery so we borrow the other's if we have to go out.

I have the odd nose. I used to share his Facebook account too. Hubs used to be cool with it and then he wasn't 🤷🏼‍♀️

We know each other’s pins and shit and could look at if we wanted to but it wouldn’t enter my head to randomly snoop through his messages, in the same way I dont log into his emails or open his post, nor he mine. We play on each other’s phones and use each other’s devices all the time, but reading personal messages nope. Id be annoyed if dh went through my phone behind my back, it’s nit about having someth8 g to hide from either, it’s abiut him knowing that my friends send texts to me and a few are struggling with personal problems that they absolutely would not discuss knowing the messages they send me are also being read to my husband..

I do get why someone who suspects their partner is cheating would check their partners messages for messages from women etcas a one off, but regularly looking through texts and emails from their friends and family and stuff is weird to me, especiall6 if the sender is discussing something personal and doesn’t know they are sending texts to you and your partner..

I think if one person THINKS they could or would look at their partner's phone (even if the partner wasnt in the room and their phone was just lying there), then there is already that seed of doubt??....

Thats where the problems begin....??

Husband asking me to read or reply to a text for him as his hands are full, or from him asking me get the insurance reference from a past email is totally different to opening and reading every message, esp when he doesn’t know you’re doing that.

I don’t feel that needing/wanting to regulary read my husbands correspondence from his family and friends etc, esp without him being there and knowing I’m doing that would demonstrate trust. You’re both being ok with that is totally f8ne and if it both members are happy, brilliant, but it’s a signal of that relationship being stronger than couples who don’t regularly go through all their partners messages.

Also, one member not wanting all their messages regular,y going through isn’t an indicator of an untrustworthy person either, if I was in a relationship where we did regularly read each other’s text I’d tell my friends that we do that so that they’d know not to ask for help with things that they are not ready to/ or don’t want to tell my husband. It’s simething we spoke about face to face and carried in convo over text.

I’d feel like a bad friend if I knowingly had my friend discuss her childhood abuse with me, it’s something she finds difficult to talk about with her own husband and she wouldn’t be happy at me not telling her my husband will read them.

I would never feel bad for doing it especially if I found something. I wouldn't go out of my way to do it and certainly not as a general rule but if I had some concerns I would look and I would feel no guilt and make no apology.

I look at dps phone from time to time. I don't think he looks at mine, but if he did he wouldn't find anything incriminating.

I like to have my eyes wide open, and don't 100% trust any man anyone.

Privacy? Pah. My self preservation instinct wins over any idealised code of ethics. He sleeps in my bed and shares space with my kid. I need to check sometimes he is who I think he is. Not sorry!

I would say reading through your DH messages shows that you don't have trust in your relationship.

I’d have thought anything incriminating would be on a secret payg phone if there was a chance the other partner could read the phone.

I have always had free access to his phone and vice versa. Never crossed my mind to check, until i found something dodgy elsewhere. Now I'll occasionally check his phone, and feel no shame in doing so. He deserves it.

Oh, and i dont know if he checks mine. He's welcome to - there's nothing dodgy on there and never has been.

A man who had a private phone line where he received private messages, and a private inbox where he received private letters, would have been mighty suspicious just a few decades ago. No one would have told wives they were stupid or untrusting for thinking it was strange for a man to demand a mailbox and phone messaging service totally without her ability to access it.

Today, because of the ubiquity of smartphones, everyone has lost their mind. This idea that you should have such unwavering trust that you're a bad person for worrying about temptation or a change in habits is a goldmine for abusers, gaslighters, and cheaters.

I leave my phone unattended all the time, as does my husband with no passcodes on them. The passcodes go into effect when we leave the house per our location settings. He asks me to check his phone for messages when I pop into the bedroom and I ask him to do the same. I have never gone through his text messaging. I wouldn't be married to him if I thought I needed to monitor him. His private correspondence with his friends is none of my business.

I guess I worded this wrong , I have free access to my husbands phone, I didn't say I read his messages.if I wanted to he wouldn't mind. Just because you might read a message doesn't mean u have trust issues, sometimes u can just snoop 😒

@jaywreck this is exactly us!! Everyone's relationship is different. I think people should share their experiences and stop saying how you don't have respect and rest of the crap. Just because one may believe in one opinion doesn't mean the other person will too. That's what makes us human,we're all different

DH and I have access to each other's phones, we know each other's PINs and we will share phones to, say, use the map or take a photo.

But we wouldn't go into each other's texts or emails. That's just being nosey.

I'd feel deeply saddened if DH felt the need to read my messages.

I'd be furious if he did so without my knowledge and permission. I'm a very private person, and I see my phone as being akin to my diary or my mail. It's for my eyes only.

Oh dp doesn't know I look. That would somewhat defeat the object.
I don't text anything super personal to anyone, or do anything really private in my phone except between dp and I sometimes! A phone is just a mini computer for doing useful stuff. It's not an extension of your soul.
That's a really interesting point wooo about how phones have changed things. I'm old enough to remember when, to have a phone conversation, you stood in the hall and anyone passing could hear it.
I can't imagine a woman in 1986 saying "whenever my husband has a phone call I leave the house because his privacy is paramount "

I think it's odd. OH knows the PIN to my phone and he doesn't have one on his and we both would use each other's phones without asking to make a call or look online etc but it wouldn't occur to me to look at his texts.

Why do you need to read his texts - or even want to? I'm sure if I were to read my OHs they'd mostly be about organising lifts to football, or 'what a great game that was' or something equally as mundane. If he were to read mine he'd certainly be bored rigid in five minutes.

My phone is full of super personal things. My DH is not an extension of me or my mind, and I don't want to share every iota of my being with him, nor do I want that from him.

I don't either.Yuk! It's just that I don't see mobile phones as part of one's being I guess.