Now he's all hurt and refusing to talk to me.
We're mid-40s, our sex life has been dead for about ten years. Its death coincided with me putting on weight (from size 10 to size 14) and aging and starting to sag. Although that's just bitterness talking - I actually have no idea why our sex life is dead because he's never told me. I've tried initiating sex several times but he wasn't interested, so now I leave him alone, and I've tried discussing it several times but he's the king of stonewalling and gaslighting and making himself look good, so all I've ever had is 'I don't know, I'm tired', 'why are you bringing this up now?', 'Well let's both make more of an effort'.
I can't actually remember the last time we had sex in our home, it must be at least ten years, although we still share a bed. We still had sex once a year on holiday, but that's stopped now as well and the last time was two years ago.
Last night we went to a family function and stayed in a lovely hotel. I've recently lost weight and am back down to a size 10. I looked nice and I felt good for the first time in years - my self esteem has been shit because my husband can't bear to have sex with me and I've assumed it's because I've had the cheek to age and put on weight. We had a good night and were both tipsy, but when I realised he wanted to have sex with me, all the pent-up anger and hurt rushed out. I said, 'What the fuck do you think you're doing? You've not touched me for years and never told me why, you've made me feel like shit about myself. Our sex life is dead - you can fuck off if you think you can pretend this is a normal marriage for a night.'
Now he's acting all huffy and refusing to talk to me. Reading back what I said to him is awful, but it was years of frustration and hurt come to a head.