Red flags?

[Mirrormirrorotw]

Met a guy a while back. We dated for a few weeks. He was pretty full on straight away: brought me flowers and wanted to bring them around before he knew where Ilived, brought me more flowers, insisted on fixing my car, insisted on paying for everything, talked to me every day, was overly concerned when I was ill. He disappeared a few weeks later.

Fast forward - my life has turned to hell, I'm in a privations very vulnerable position with no friends nor family support.

Me and this man reconnect by chance and I've sort of fallen into a relationship with him. Tonight we were discussing my position right now and he pointed out things weren't that desperate. I said 'not yet'.

He went quiet and I asked him what was the matter. He then told me I'd made him feel like a cunt. I asked him why. He said I'd basically said that he wouldn't make sure I was safe and that I came across as he'll 'do' foe now. I apologised and explained what I meant was that I will never ever allow myself to be in such a precarious position again and so yes, the situation right now does seem desperate to me because I'm about to be homeless (caveat: I've got a history of abusive relationships)

The look on his face bothered me. He let it go butting seemed such an overreaction on his part.

I'm in trouble, aren't I?

You can say thank you without being in a relationship with him mirror. If he's decent, he'll totally understand why you need to not be in a relationship right now. (He's not decent of course, he's clearly a controlling prick but you get my point)

Yup. Controlling. Tried to explain my mental health issues last night and he was about as supportive as a worn out bra. Told me I didn't need meds/Drs etc because it's unhelpful because none of it worked for him.

My days drag on: I have no friends left, no life, professionals giving me info that then turns out to be wrong and I'm passed from one service to the next. I'm exhausted.

Talk to me, MNers

I'm so isolated. I've looked for support groups/clubs in my area and there seems to be nothing. I'm sinking fast, juggling so many balls.

Try to break things down into little bits and concentrate on getting those things done, (like your next appointment), the bigger picture can take care of itself. Take it easy and lots of self care.

Don't be tempted to involve him any more - he's another abusive relationship in waiting. He's preying on your vulnerabilities.

Yes, he is. He got quite confrontational the other night suggesting I was just attention seeking. I tried to explain but he wouldn't listen. He's been nice since then but I don't really want to be around him.

He's all I have left, though. I've looked for support groups, I'm engaging with professionals, I'm telling them how bad I feel. I'm being told I'm not 'complex' enough for proper treatment. Where I live there seems to be nothing - no social groups, no support groups. I've had to give up my car - the last bit of real independence I had (I'm struggling horribly with being out and about amongst the general population unless it's for a specific thing where I know there will be someone to support me). Even going out for a walk on my own is near impossible.

I did it. I walked out - said I needed to do some stuff.

I'm sat here in the house that I'll soon have to leave with no friends, no family, and nowhere to go.

I desperately need someone to talk to. I'm frightened, alone, mental health services are useless.

You've done the right thing - he's not a solution, he's a problem in himself.

Give the Samaritans a call - they're not just for if you're suicidal. www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

I've called the samaritains before - it doesn't help. I need friends, a support network. Everywhere I turn there's either nothing or I'm told I've been given the wrong information. It's like rummaging around in a haystack for the needle that has been promised it's there only to be then told it's not.

I was suggesting it as a holding measure for right now.

Do you have old friends who might be receptive to you getting back in touch?

No. I don't. They seem to see their problems as valid and worthy of talking about but mine are just...well, I don't even know, to be honest.

Also when I've told professionals about how they have treated me and the things friends have said to me I've been told they are not friends and I'm best off without them anyway. And so here I am...

I'm sinking fast. I have no one to talk to except professionals and I'm having to talk about the same triggering things over and over again.

Mirror - I don't know what to say, except the 'professionals' should be helping you. Are you telling them all this?

I know you are agrophobic (or similar I think) and find it hard to get out, so keep posting on here. Or phone the Samaritans as a pp suggested. I know you think they are useless but things change all the time. You'll never get the same person twice.

I am probably not helping at all, I just wanted you to know you are not shouting into the darkness.

THanks, ptumbi.

Yes, they know everything. It was their failure to listen to me and act in the first place that helped to get me here. I should be having an advocacy service soon - another unrelated professional felt that I wasn't being listened to nor getting the right support so she referred me to them but that's weeks away. In the meantime I am juggling it all on my own and slowly losing the will to keep trying. I wish I could go back and change things, shout louder, say something different that would have triggered them into action.

OP I'm glad you've left him, what you've done is really brave. You're not alone in how you're feeling, OP. As pp have said breaking everything down into little tasks helps. I write myself little to do lists cos it helps me. The Samaritans also have a texting service if you'd feel better trying that :)

At least you're having an advocate soon. Keep going and there'll be that help in place, which hopefully will then be able to get other wheels in motion - just take one day at a time < I know it's a cliché, sorry.

I'm so glad you are getting an advocate -someone on your side. I hope they can speed up things for you OP.

Just keep going for a few weeks more!

I just hope they're good. The homelessness issue is causing me so much stress and anxiety. I feel like I have no-one in my corner.