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Relationships

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Original poster

Has anyone known a man to leave his marriage for OW and it work out and to have been for the best?

127 replies

user1499590110 · 30/09/2017 13:21

Just that really. I hear that sometimes it is genuine, and some marriages don't work out, just like long term relationships - but they seem to get less bad press than when a married man has an affair and leaves.

(and im not asking for me!)

OP posts:

Offred · 30/09/2017 15:15

I think it depends on the people. If they are both generally good people who did a bad thing then it stands a better chance than if one our Borge of them are just arse holes but a relationship that starts as an affair is always at a disadvantage just because of all the potential for drama and stress.

Copperspot · 30/09/2017 15:15

My mum's friend was cheated on. Her husband was seeing the babysitter (he was in his early 20s, babysitter was 18). He left his wife after seeing her for a year. They are still together 35 years later, happily married with 4 sons.

Mum's friend admitted she was almost relieved as she wasn't madly in love with him. They got married as she was pregnant with their daughter and it was 'the right thing to do' (married in the 1970s).

When i was at school, 2 girls in my year had parents who were having an affair together. It was quite the scandal at the time, but they are still together 15 years later and had another child together.

Crispsheets · 30/09/2017 15:18

Yes I know several couples who ate happy. I agree with Jeaux.. ..there are some awful comments on MN from women about the OW.

FlaviaAlbia · 30/09/2017 15:20

For the best is a bit of a wide field isn't it?

For the best for themselves, maybe.

For the betrayed partner left to pick up the pieces of their life and any children? Not so much.

MissUnderwood · 30/09/2017 15:21

Yes.

notacooldad · 30/09/2017 15:22

My marriage broke down nearly 30 years ago. My DP was having an affair. I was utterly heartbroken.
Anyway the couple are still together all this time. A lot of water has gone under the bridge and I occasionally see them round. They now have adult kids and are about to be grandparents. They are very happy together.
I've had a happy life so all's good!!

lizzieoak · 30/09/2017 15:23

Quite a few (that I know of) when I think about it. Two school friends' dads. Both with the OW's now for 20+ years.

3 families of kids my kids went to school with. In those cases the men and women were both with partners and left them to be together. All together now for 15+ years, seem perfectly happy.

Menarefrommarsitwouldseem · 30/09/2017 15:25

My neighbours. They were having an affair for a while and everyone on the street knew it except her husband.
One day husband was leaving
Next week he moved in and left his wife for neighbour.

They're married now and have been together for around 7 years.

Oh and a colleague left her husband for our boss and they're getting married in December. I think the boss was engaged.

AllTheWittyNamesAreGone · 30/09/2017 15:25

For the betrayed partner left to pick up the pieces of their life and any children? Not so much.

Not always like that though. My mum was a mean alcoholic that shagged anything that walked. My dad left when he met my step mum.
My mums hardly a victim.

carelessproffessional · 30/09/2017 15:26

Me. I had an OM. He is the absolute love of my life and we are quite disgustingly happy.

Judge away.

londonrach · 30/09/2017 15:30

Yes. My grandad left my gran for his ow after he saw things in ww2. I only ever knew his ow (my step gran) with him. He was with my gran 5 years, ow about 50 ish till he died. Strangely my gran never had a bad word to say about him.

Offred · 30/09/2017 15:31

For the betrayed partner left to pick up the pieces of their life and any children? Not so much.

I know this will not be popular as an opinion and I know why, especially because most people come here as refuge when it has just happened, but;

I think this is ok (and a healthy part of acceptance and grieving) for a time but there does come a time when feeling this way about something in the past becomes bitterness that only harms the person feeling it even further.

bluit · 30/09/2017 15:32

There's usually a huge amount of damage trailing behind these happy couples.

Much of it hidden.

EllenJanethickerknickers · 30/09/2017 15:36

Yes, my ExH and his OW seem very suited and very happy together, married now for 4 years. He wasn't very nice to be around during the affair and completely horrible to me when I found out. He's been a fairly good father to the DC if a bit tight with money and rather strict with them. Not a Disney dad by any means. He genuinely loves the DC but very much enjoys his child free time with his wife, who also has a DS from her previous marriage. She has a 50/50 shared care arrangement with her ExH while my DC live with me except for EO long weekend.

Maybe we had got into a rut and life revolved too much around the DC, one of whom has SEN. He seems much happier with his current arrangement.

I'm not so happy though. I am in my 50s and don't think I'm up for another relationship as I couldn't trust anyone again. So not for the best as far as I'm concerned.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/09/2017 15:40

Well - my ex-fiancé left me after nearly 11y together to be with the OW - they have now been together for 22y, so I guess it was for the best. Whether or not it is a happy relationship isn't absolutely clear - I'm still in touch with his brother's ex, and she is still involved in his family because of her DC - but she's biased because she loathes my ex and he loathes her.

I'm definitely happier without him (and his mother - she really would have been a MIL from hell) so I guess it all worked out for the best!

Rubies12345 · 30/09/2017 15:42

His ex behaved liked a psychotic raving lunatic who was intent on 'destroying us' (her words). She's vile and I actually have no sympathy for her

Sounds like that TV show Dr Foster!

Twodogsandahooch · 30/09/2017 15:44

My father left my mother and has bee happily married to my stepmum for 20 years. My mum remarried 5 years later and seems much happier too. Win win (apart from the horrible bit in the middle)

ProphetOfDoom · 30/09/2017 15:45

No.

problembottom · 30/09/2017 15:47

My DF is the daughter of a marriage where the man left his wife for his OW. Her folks have been happily married for over 30 years now. He was famous at the time and got the sack from his very high-profile job as a Sunday rag exposed the affair.

MrsKoala · 30/09/2017 15:56

My Dad left his first wife for my Mum. 45 years later they are still married. His ex-wife (who it seems was also miserable) met a wonderful man (really one of the loveliest people i've ever met) quite soon after and married him. Ex wife thanked my Mum on many occasions! We were all pretty friendly growing up and Ex-Wife even used to babysit for me. Ex-Wife was at the hospital when my dad had a heart attack before my Mum got there! My half sister loves my Mum and loved her Step Dad (sadly he is now dead) and felt really lucky to have 2 mums and 2 dads. She walked up the aisle with her dads on either side.

NapQueen · 30/09/2017 16:00

If my dh ever had and subsequently left me for an OW I would hope he did end up in a l9ng and happy marriage. Itd be a true waste of pain otherwise.

chocolateworshipper · 30/09/2017 16:02

It's a sad sign of the times that I'm wondering which newspaper this article will be in

Iusedtobeawerewolf · 30/09/2017 16:05

My dad's ex wife left him for OM and they are still married and have children together 30 years later. I probably wouldn't be here had she not buggered off.

On the other hand my ex's dad left his mum for OW and they were 'happily' married for 25 years and had two children. When I met them they seemed so loved up and happy. Turns out he had a string of affairs during their marriage and then he eventually left her for a newer model last year.

The same ex also left me for OW when I was pregnant (like father like son). Nearly 4 years later they are still together and seem happy. He's currently cheating on her with a friend of a friend and is none the wiser but still

WeAllHaveWings · 30/09/2017 16:07

my BIL is a serial adulterer. What women see in him I'll never understand (balding, motorhead tattoos, belly, smoker, swears like a trucker, a sense of style from bikers of the 1980s and skint after his divorces).

He is on his 3rd wife and every one thought they were strong/meant to be/love at first sight and he has cheated on them and went on to marry the OW.

Sometimes marriages don't work and if they don't you respect the person you once loved (and children if you have any) enough to finish it before lying, cheating, deceiving and hurting them. It is unforgivable and I would never be with a man who thought that was acceptable behaviour.

millsbynight · 30/09/2017 16:10

Yes, a friend of mine her mum was the OW. Her mum and dad had 3 kids (including her) after her dad had 2 kids from his first marriage that was cut short with the arrival of her mum on the scene.

They've been happily married something like 30 years.

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